Hi, we'll last night was my first ever post and my second deed was to go to my Gp today which I have been working myself up to do for weeks. I did and am signed off work for 2 weeks with acute reaction to stress.
I have had anxiety issues on and off for many years since my early 20's. In my 40's now and it still follows me around.
All came back with a vengeance 2 years ago when a difficult colleague at work took a dislike to me. Jealousy is the main cause so I have been told. Not just with work but also my friendships with other colleagues became her real issue.
I have had to put up with her making complaints about me to various managers in these to years mainly of a social time nature. It started with not being invited to Nando's for an impromptu meal after work (she wasn't even in that day!). But gradually she began to make up silly stories about not acknowledging her, not waving at her and so on the most ridiculous things.
Everyone else found it quite funny. I didn't it worried me as to how far she would go. Because we were working acquaintances not friends as such she found this hard to accept. She didn't like that 2/3 of us would go out from time to time. She was initially invited, though made a right fuss one day when we wanted to go to a theatre show. As she 'doesn't do theatre' she then didn't expect the rest of us to go. As I organised it, that was my fate sealed.
So she has relentlessly tried to make me uncomfortable so I will leave.
Last year she orchestrated a terrible scene at work shouting at me for no reason, but she really showed her colours and more so actually embarrassing herself.
This was the real turning point in my health. She should of been disciplined - but wasn't. I made it clear what she was doing. Constantly accusing me of silly things and now this. We are both part timers but my request to work different shifts to her was rejected.
So I once again 'moved on' and waited for her next issue with me. We were not really on speaking terms now. Only if it was work related.
As chance would have it for almost 8 months there was nothing even work related to speak about. The silence between us was bliss.
In November 2013 I had to speak to her. It was one sentence to tell her she left something behind. Another colleague was near by at the time.
2 days later my manager called me in to her office. Evil woman had made a complaint about me. I was told it was very serious and she had taken it already to the HR dept.
I was being accused of bullying, harassment and intimidation all from the one sentence I had uttered! Oh course if anyone else had said it it would of been fine.
So I put in a counter complaint that this was again a false allegation, a vexatious one at that, designed to cause me maximum stress and upset.
It dragged out for 3 months until being informed neither complaint was upheld. It Ruined my Xmas. I have severe gastro problems anyway down to stress, this made it all worse. I was so angry, stressed and then went into work one day in January, saw evil woman and had to stop myself from grabbing hold of her. I just physically could not even look at her.
I was not fit to do my shift. I rang the GP from work and saw someone that afternoon. GP signed me off for a month because of the wretched state I was in! Put me on Ad. It was such a relief being signed off sick.
I went back after a month, although my GP was not convinced I was quite ready. I thought if I didn't go back then I never would.
Few minor issues on first couple of days back, I don't think my manager knew how to handle my 'illness'. Eventually after a slight meltdown and thanks to a higher manager I was told I didn't have to work with evil woman for the foreseeable future.
So in the past few months it has been easier, but I am not myself. The anger of what evil woman has done just to upset me still eats at me every day, and keeps me irritated at night, to the point in which I have fingertip bruising on my arms and thighs from my angry sleeps.
I started to hit the wall again a couple of weeks ago, then some issues at work accelerated my doom again.
Took a few days holiday leave and was going away with friends. It took much persuading for me to go because of how I have been feeling. On the first day as we were travelling I had an unwelcome text from my manager accusing me of not wanting to attend a training session after work. She did not seem to believe that I had a meeting at dd school that same evening, so had a text exchange and I said I am on holiday leave now, I cannot attend the session.
It just immediately ruined my time away with friends. My mood changed instantly and although when I left work the day before I had mentally tried to switch myself off from work. Just to try and put everything at the back if my mind. That text changed it all.
A meeting at work yesterday to discuss it ended in me in tears again. Manager has known I have not been in a great state in past few weeks. But then she told me off for having discussed issue about evil woman with a newer colleague at work!
Thus new person has great intuitive skills. She does all sorts of therapies, and seeing me in a bad way offered to help me. I did pay her, although a fraction of what she charges. Of course we talked through what has driven me to be as I am now.
I confided in 2 friends at work, it seems one of them told the manager. So she said I was gossiping and stirring up trouble, and if evil woman found out I had told someone she could rightly complain about me!
I left in a terrible state, cried all the way home. What really hurt me most is these two are close friends. I think I know which of the 2 it was and it's killing me as we go away on girly weekends together.
I cried all evening, anything makes me tearful nowadays, but this was real howling crying. Could not even stop when dd was around. I feel so guilty as she is doing her gcse's. Ds is home from uni this weekend. Every time he comes back I am in a terrible state.
I have the most awful lump in my throat which GP says is down to stress, my skin is once again broken into rash in all sorts of places. But what gets me most is not being able to get this all out of my head.
Has caused a bit of a rift with dh as well who has husband own problems at work.
I followed the whole of the last thread, the support between everyone kept me going. So many people don't understand how I feel.
So that's me, sad little collar dove with broken wings. Thanks for taking the time to read my rambling post x