"Summer is Coming, the Village is warm and safe - support for depression, anxiety and other MH issues"

[LollipopViolet]

New thread, everyone :) First attempt at a thread title for us.

I've just posted on the old one, am really struggling today. Was feeling numb, still do, to be honest. Need to get myself through today.

Sorry you are feeling so crap nana :(

I am so upset - my friend doesn't want me to walk her dog anymore. I think she was worried about the money but I told her I didn't want paying. I think she is sick of me. I still walked him today but could tell she wasn't happy about it so will step back. I do have such a horrible overbearing personality and probably proved too much for friend. She starts chemo next week but wont need my help as her dh finishes work and she will have family to help. I feel so incredibly selfish like I have used her cancer to garner friendship.

Sorry not replied to all bloody phone again.

Ed -so good to read your post. Get that pgce done -so proud of you.

Silvery sounds like a tough run but you are coping!

Love to all feeling shit today xxxx

Lem what do you mean that you have a "horrible overbearing personality" - what gives you that idea. You certainly don't come across like that at all, and I wonder if you are over thinking this. There could be any number of reasons about the dog, and you could support her from a distance, sending cards etc. Don't beat yourself up Lem maybe she just needs her dh and family around her just now.

Thanks nana. Just that I am ott and clingy. Will give her some space. She knows she can call me anytime.

I know you're really struggling to come to terms with your recent episode of mania Silvery especially as it came when you were feeling happy and settled after so many tough years. The thing is I think we tend to forget that mental illness has a nasty habit of recurring, especially as we get older. I don't know about psychotic illness but as far as depression is concerned I do know that after one severe episode there is a 50% chance of a second one and then an 80% chance of a third one, so it's not looking good for me! I think my second one though is going to be on-going as it has shown no signs of letting up in almost 5 years. My CPN is adamant that they will find meds that will give me a recovery but I am less sure. I would be willing to have ECT but apparently I am a "long way off" that as there are other meds to try.

Moving house is a big deal and it's small wonder you are anxious. Are you something of a hoarder and are struggling with what to chuck and what to keep. I only ask because I know that hoarders (I live with one!) can become paralysed by making decisions about chucking and keeping. In fact it usually ends up that nothing gets chucked! Do you have anyone to help you with this mammoth task?

lem sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I'm sure your friend just doesn't want to feel like she's taking advantage of you, nothing more sinister. You are not horrible and you certainly don't sound overbearing.

Sounds like a sensible plan, TSP to do slightly more each day. Hope you are ok nn and glad to hear you have an action plan snowy. Hugs to all.

I'm struggling, but a bit more positive than I was. Managed to speak to my counsellor for half an hour today and he has calmed me down. He has given me a list of things that it is not unreasonable to ask for /expect from DH when we move house re. the sleep. But that I need to stop worrying about it and see what happens when we move. He did say that he is worried about me and that I need to contact my doctor and tell him all the symptoms I'm having and to ask if it's ok for me to be lifting heavy things. Not that I have a lot of choice! He says the doctor needs to know everything and how long it's been going on for. I don't know if it's really necessary though. Had start of a panic attack at the thought of calling. Another problem is that I can only call the doctor during the hour that is the DC's bath/bedtime routine so I don't actually see how that could work. DH will want to know why I need to make a phone call, I don't know if I can deal with the DC - I'm always shaky after speaking to a doctor - and...

x-post nn. this is so me!

Are you something of a hoarder and are struggling with what to chuck and what to keep. I only ask because I know that hoarders (I live with one!) can become paralysed by making decisions about chucking and keeping. In fact it usually ends up that nothing gets chucked!

Hi everyone.

I have finally caught up this evening with reading what I had missed of the thread whilst on holiday. I really missed my daily read of how everyone was. Sorry that so many are struggling :( I can see many have had a tough time.

Hugs to you all

Having been quite upbeat when away, except for the odd hissy fit when all got a bit much on occasion. Since returning I have lost that little positivity I'd found...

Today particularly has been a real struggle, and I spent most of the day in bed feeling anxious. Thankfully I am not back to work until Monday.

I am desperately trying to keep myself together as DD has her prom tomorrow. But I am not sure how I will get through the long day with taking her for nails done, hair somewhere else, and then make up. Followed by lifts here there and everywhere, right up to picking her up at the end of the night. DH is working and there is no one else I can ask to help.

But it has to be me because I am her mum... I feel a shit mum because I should not even be thinking of asking anyone else to assist me on this special occasion for DD :(

I have a horrible feeling that at some point in the day something will go wrong and set me off, followed shortly by a panic attack and then the falling apart, which I am trying desperately not to do for DD's sake.

I feel such a guilt tonight, a few times she knocked on my bedroom door today and I just lay there ignoring her. Pretending I was asleep because I didn't want to snap at her because I felt so nervy and anxious.

Perhaps I will take one of my diazepam right at the start of the day and hope for the very best!

Hope everything goes well today, collar

Thanks Victrix :) I am half way through the day and feel like a coiled spring with a big hand over it ready to move and let me loose at any time!

How are you doing today? I saw your post yesterday and can see you are having a bad time now. I hope today is a little kinder :)

I'm feeling a bit better than yesterday- I'm starting to get really frustrated with myself because I still don't understand WHY I'm so anxious. Just trying to do one day at a time.

Going to see my mum later because she has promised me gluten free biscuits

Sorry you are feeling rubbish. collar. I am sure your DD will appreciate whatever you do. I've not had as many voices/ hallucinations (in fact, none today for the first time in about 4 months)... I heard them yesterday, though, and I haven't really done much today, so that's probably why not. Still feel spiders crawling on me. Yesterday, I felt really low and couldn't do anything....took me ages to get to the shop and was in pain...slept for two hours after. I've never done that before. Saw my DD last night, and got quite emotional, especially with the social worker visiting today... she was nice, though, says can tell I'm a good Mum and DD will be allowed back with me- there are no risks- but it's an on-going assessment, and so she's pushing the home treatment team in to making a care plan , and diagnosis. It's an on-going thing, though, and we aren't sure when she'll be coming back, but I've two other friends lined up to look after her if I can't in August. I expressed a wish to have her back at the start of the school holidays- she said will bear in mind. I feel quite depressed, and really tearful, absolutely shattered today, so haven't done much at all. I have sertraline 50mg now, diapazem (2mg as needed) and ziplocone for sleep. I feel totally wiped out. Took sertraline in the morning (usually take at night and so feel very, very sick and exhausted). Just really lacking energy to do much- shivering as well- so think am suffering the side effects of the meds. I've expressed my wishes to have an anti-psychotic; I hope they take it on board. Home treatment visiting every other day now.

hi everyone

just wondered if anyone had read one of the featured blogs today about suicide

suicide isn't selfish. I found it very well put together.

I also came across another blog looking at the "recovery narrative" so fundamental to many communications and public health campaigns around mental health. Not everyone does recover even if they're fully treatment compliant (esp with chronic illnesses like bipolar) but people are still valuable and talented even if they're not able to work full time, and this resilience warrants greater respect.

has the recovery narrative gone too far

(((hugs))) to everyone esp katkins, snowy, collar, pyrrh, spc, victrix, nana, lem.

How's everyone doing?

Really struggling with depression, sickness and feeling very, very tired and tearful. Have seen the consultant today- started 50mg Quetiapine, going up gradually. Have been booked in for MRI and ECG< because I asked for an older style anti-psychotic, and she said yes, if the ECG comes back clear, but for now that. So, I've gone from no meds to Setraline 50mg (100mg worked better, but trying not to suddenly change), diapazem (6mg throughout the day, as needed), Zoplicon 7.5mg and then Quetiapine. A lot of medication for a young healthy woman to suddenly start on - and the side effects (plus depression) are horrendous. Just want to sleep and cry the whole time. DD came round today, to collect her things for a party, bought her school report around. Has 37 in literacy (top mark is 40), AA in maths and Literacy and A in everything else. She is in year one.

I don't put any emphasis on academic success- or pressure her at all- just do enjoyable things like reading and visiting art galleries, so I'm really proud.

Your dd is a credit to you katkins

We'll done to your daughter Katkins and I'm glad you finally got to see a consultant. Out of pure interest can I ask why you requested what I presume is one of the typical antipsychotics over an atypical?

I read your links last night CIQ - certainly food for thought. Suicide has been much on my mind lately - well it always is when I am having really bad days and I even look up stuff on the internet but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't do it. I get this picture in my mind of my DP and sons and dils and DGC in the front bench at the crem and it works well to bring me to my senses.

collardove am wondering if you managed DD's preps for her prom tonight......could she not get a cab back to save you having to turn out, or would you feel better knowing you were getting her home safely.

katkins glad you have finally seen a psychiatrist and got APs. It sounds like you are more depressed now than anything, and that's horrid. Yes you're certainly on a combination of meds but let's hope that over the next few weeks you will start to stabilise and can look after your LO again.

Hello snowy - I'm not so good - very up and down and feeling despondent because I don't think the change in meds has made any difference really, but my CPN says the increased dose might improve matters. I see the psych on the 18th so we'll see. How are you doing?

I'm just so weary of it all and I'm sure many of us feel similarly.

MP, I worked hard to go from a size 28 to a 12, then 14, now bordering 14/16, and I want to try and get back to a 12. It might sound a bit vain- but it was a big thing for me in terms of confidence, and I think that the older types have less problems with weight gain. The Doc said that's fine- and accepted my reasoning- and said I can have if there are no issues with my ECG.

Sounds reasonable Katkins, lots of people, myself included, can get very worried about antipsychotic weight gain. Sorry for being professionally nosy. Just so you know, if you do want to go with an atypical to avoid other side effects then aripiprazole is the one to ask for. I've managed to lose weight while taking both aripiprazole and quetiapine together.

Ok thank you. I didn't want to put it off just for a hear rate test, so said let's start that one, and switch later. The consultant said that's absolutely fine.

I hope the increased dose helps, NN, hugs.

I worry about the weight gain too, katkins - I lost 1.5 stone on quetiapine (whilst calorie counting), but I've put the weight back on with the clozapine. Good luck with your new meds, I hope they help without too many side effects.

I'm going to try to go out tomorrow.

Hi all,

nana I really hope a bit more time and increased sertraline start to help. I can imagine its hard with this whole process of coming off and starting a new one gradually taking weeks..... Glad you can find a pic that counters the suicidal thoughts though. Hold onto it. I force myself to think of my dad first, then dcs. That usually does the trick.

katkins I think self image and self confidence makes a big difference. Good luck getting back to a 12.

mp Hope your day's been ok. Have you been working?

snowy good to hear from you. It's supposed to be sunny here tomorrow afternoon - hope you do manage to get out into some nice weather.

Just in from an evening out with some mums from school and it was nice. I have sold a print of a painting too!!!

collar how's today been?

Thank CIQ , I'm not far off! Suffering the side effects of all the meds today- really spaced out, nausea (horrendous) and shivering because I think it's so cold. Still have some psychotic symptoms, too. Does anyone else get light headness on quetiapine ? And I've really, really low enrgy (very tearful, like migraine, anxiety about going outside). Realy so very unsual for me, as I'm usually so active, I need milk and there are lots of things my friends are doing that I could do to, but I feel like pre-migraine. And stomach pain. I've never had meds before (ever); is this kind of stuff usual?

(Nana) I hope you find something that works- sertraline at a higher dose gave me more energy, but all the chopping and changing made me feel how you describe.

I got out this morning, got some 5mg diazepam tablets now, which will help dull the voices. I'm really struggling to take my tablets though, I can't shake the feeling that they're poisoning me.

What's everyone up to this weekend?