"Summer is Coming, the Village is warm and safe - support for depression, anxiety and other MH issues"

[LollipopViolet]

New thread, everyone :) First attempt at a thread title for us.

I've just posted on the old one, am really struggling today. Was feeling numb, still do, to be honest. Need to get myself through today.

Mental, why won't they prescribe? It's making me feel suicidal. It's on my other thread, but I can't stand living without my daughter and with no treatment but diapazem and still having symptoms. Do they think I'm making it up for attention or lying?

Katkin I really have no idea why they're being so slow to prescribe but they must have their reasons. Please don't think that they think you're making it up, that's your mind

Sorry, posted to soon.

When I'm recovering from a period of mania or psychosis I almost always convince myself that I made it up and it's not true. You're going through something very real and something very frightening, regardless of your level of insight.

Oh yes, I was sure there would be some (among them your good self). Do you think it makes a difference to how they do their job?

My symptons aren't going away though, and have been there for about four weeks. The hallucinations and delusions aren't as bad as they were, but if I don't take the diapazem I become confused and so on. They haven't said to me any reasons not to prescribe, only that the Doctor I saw on Friday wanted to confer with her colleagues as I am a new case. The dose for the diapazem was written down wrong too. I think I am recovering from the most acute stage, but I still have one of two hallucinations and the voices are quite persistent. I didn't take my diapazem just to see what would happen, and the flowers started singing. That tells me I need anti physcotics.

Hi all

katkins ((((hugs))) really hope the docs get their act together soon. In my experience (nowhere near as severe as yours) many do struggle with patients who have good insight and I would probably have had more support last year if I had exhibited less insight . MP is right - you're not making it up - that is your mind (incorrectly) telling you that.

mp I can well believe what you say about professionals and mh issues. Hope you're ok too.

I just needed to post this morning as I've just had a 50 min telephone assessment from our local iapt people re: potential couples counselling for depression and had to go through the last 2 years which has brought everything back to the surface. Upsetting and draining. But does seem like dh and I will be referred for this counselling which is nhs funded! Just got to try and get myself together now for the rest of the day, but my bed (where I am) is proving difficult to leave.

That sounds positive that you will get the counselling- and funded too- I had some counselling (well lots), and it was upsetting, but useful too.

I spoke to my friend last night because I was feeling really suicidal at the lack of care and not having DD here. Her partner (retired senior physch) phoned the clinic, asked to speak to the consultant and they will get in touch with me later today. He's been really reluctant to intervene, and cautious. Never once given advice and so on( just said speak to GP or clinic, this is what to expect) but he got so annoyed that he made a phone call in the end.

My friend also said it might be useful for me not to take my diapazem until the home treatment team have seen me. If they see me much less calmer, they get a different view of the situation.

I crashed out of my DPhil when I first got ill. I'm just about still here, feeling pretty awful really.

Thinking of you all (((( all ))))

OhKatkins I sincerely hope something is sorted out for you today - I cannot believe that they can keep you hanging on for so long but they were discussing you today as a new case, so hopefully things will move on...........

OMG CIQ a 50 minute conversation so early in the morning, about such difficult issues - small wonder you're done in. Can you have an easy(ish) day.

Snowy glad to see you on the thread but suspected you were having a tough time. Did you get to see a Dr and do you have the meds sorted. Your CPN should be back this week shouldn't she?

Re: psychiatrists - I think really they are like anyone else in a professional (or non-professional capacity) some will be highly competent and caring, at one end of the continuum and at the other end, some will be woefully inadequate and uncaring, with the others at some point on the continuum. They are ordinary mortals!

I am not as bad as yesterday but still flat and lacking in any motivation.

Ah, Snowy, hope you can get help soon. The home treatment team physch visited today. They have decided not to prescribe anything, want to visit me every day for a week and see how I am. I've had three different views on it. This one seems to think it was a stress reaction, triggered by my traumatic childhood. I tried to explain that I've had loads of counselling to get over all of that... but you know....he wasn't so sure. The Doctor I saw, the community nurse and visiting psych all have very different views- so my friend's partner basically rang the clinic and said that I should be speaking to a consultant really, as I've had enough assessments and it's time for them to do something useful. The assessments are quite emotionally draining, too.

Been in bed for 3days now thanks to the nasty cold I have. sneezing/coughing/fever/headache/joint pain & no sleep and no amount of lemsip seems to be helping :( think I have a chest infection & might need antibiotics so looks like a visit to GP tomorrow.

katkins hope they get their act together quickly & get your meds sorted. I agree with your friends partner you need to see a consultant it's not good enough to just leave you on diazepam.

ciq wow that sounds really draining for first thing in the morning. Hope you have been having an easy day. Counselling sounds like a step in the right direction so well done for getting it underway.

Waves at NN hope your mood picks up.

Thinking of everyone else struggling at the minute especially snowy hope your ok (((all)))

Hi everyone just popping by to say hi and hugs to all :)

Got back from our family holiday in Menorca late this afternoon.

Went well although I 'had my moments'...

Very tired so will spend time tomorrow reading back through the thread, to see how you all have been x

Thanks katkins, nana, snowy, pulled yes never quite recovered from this morning and anxiety is playing up tonight. I agree katkins - assessments very draining.
(((hugs))) snowy

Hi collar glad the holiday went well.

Hope everyone gets a good sleep tonight.

Hi all,

just thought I'd pop by briefly.

just seen my dr and I'm going to start weaning off my medication. I've had a good few months. I'm seeing someone for the first time in 3 years. Its a long distance relationship which is a bit pants but other than that good.

I've still got a tiny bit of my PGCE to do. Every time I sit to do it some more shite comes mt way (mum got rushed to hosp...dd was targeted by an online peadophile....stirred up old memories... ) so I feel a bit nervous coming of meds but I need to try.

I haven't I got a job for sept lined up either...but going to look into supply teaching.

I've signed up for the race for life and have been training for that which has given me a boost too. I can't believe how much that boosts my mood. I couldn't even run 400m at school. A couple of months ago I was a size 18/20. I won't run it all but am going to do a couch to 5k type interval pattern. I'm currently running about 30-40% of it and have lost over a stone in 6 weeks. If anyone wants to sponsor me PM me and I will send you a link (shameless plug).

I just wanted to say that 18m ago I stayed in my bed all day every day. But now I'm up and about. And actually enjoying life a large proportion of the time. There is light at the end of the tunnel and the wonderful ladies on this thread will hold your hand all the way :)

I've decided I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist about c

.....about coming off lithium. The side effects are getting too much. My liver and kidneys are being destroyed, I have a dreadful tremor and I feel like shit. I've stopped taking it by myself a couple of times and the consequences have been fairly disastrous but i hoping this time will be different.

How's everyone else doing today?

Not good. House moving is destroying me. As are lots of other things....posted a thread the other day about DS and it turned into rather a long one (350+ posts) and I feel rather battered about it! Lots of suggestions to post on the SN boards....I'm just having difficulty with the whole thing. Also really worried about DH, who's been overdosing on sleeping tablets...although he says its ok. He seems like he has lost it and I don't know what to do. I've not had really time to catch up here, having a hard time processing even the smallest of things. Feel really betrayed by DH at the moment, over something stupid. I really want to speak to my counsellor but he's busy (and ill) at the moment and I feel like I shouldn't bother him. DC are in front of TV. This teratoma is, I think, playing with my mind. I feel pregnant, constantly sick etc and it fluctuates all the time, when I am trying to come to terms with the fact that I won't ever be pregnant again and my last one I spent every second of it resenting it. I am such an awful mummy :(

Great to hear your update Ed. Good luck with the medication there mp. Glad to hear your holiday went well collar Katkins, hope you get something sorted soon.
Hugs snowy, hope you are ok.
Anyone heard from DD?
CiQ That sounds like an ordeal, good news about the counseling though.
That's great you managed the wedding NN give yourself time to recover! It's pretty normal to feel deflated after an event (isn't it?).
What a relief about your appointment lem. Hope you are reassured.

Hope everyone else is ok, I'm sure I've missed some people - it's not personal, just not up to trawling through the past few pages.

Hi mp I didn't realise lithium had such awful side effects - can understand you wanting to come off them. When's your next psych appoint?

ed that's a fab post and brilliant to hear how well you're doing long may it continue.

Today is strange. Had my last session with my counsellor who I've been seeing for a year. Feels like the end of an era. It has been very helpful indeed, and feel quite emotional about it ending. Fortunately kids are round to friend's after school so I have a pretty peaceful day.

Hi all

lem hope you're ok - haven't heard from you in a bit.

snowy how's today going?

Just checking in - I saw CPN today, they are helping me with my benefits and stuff. Suggesting talking therapy, and want me to see a consultant. I said maybe the stuff like feeling crawling spiders would be best treated with an anti-psychotic though. They are confused with some stuff. I keep a blog, and I wrote a letter to my Daughter on it; and some poems (I'm a writer by profession, and academically) , I find that helps. Today was much calmer- did the garden , some cooking and made some brownies. All of that distracted me, even though the voice was talking to me when I was doing the garden.

Also checking in. Had 2 days of anxiety, but today managed to clear some stuff from top bedroom and take to household recycle. Had overwhelmed and catastrophised things, even at my best it feels like I am no good at things others take for granted, like keeping house clean. Is that me or my illness? I have to find the strength not to coast anymore.

Katkins I'm glad to hear you're feeling a little bit better. Hopefully your team will come up with a decent treatment plan soon.

No go on the lithium reduction for me. My psych thinks I'm having a mixed episode and I agree so I get extra quetiapine instead. Bit disappointing really.

That's a shame re: lithium, MP That sounds productive silvery, I hope the anxiety goes away, and the catastrophising. I hope the CPN helped, katkins. Well done for coping with your last session, CIQ

New psychiatrist came out today, plan is to restart the clozapine but not tell anyone I stopped it so I don't have to go through the rigmarole of all the blood pressure checks and weekly blood tests. I have some diazepam to tide me over.

Hi everyone.

Not been around for a few days because I'm really really struggling

Constantly anxious and the panic attacks are exhausting.

How much longer do I need to do this??

Hi folks - day 4 of feeling utter crap today - am growing so weary of it all and despondent as looks like new meds are not going to improve matters. Have been on 100mg Sertraline for 3 weeks now. Have apt with psych on 18th of this month.

Pyrrhagena I worry about you as you seem to have so much on your plate and not any help from DH. Overdosing on sleeping pills is not a good idea at all - do you know why he is doing this - does he have mental health problems - I can't remember, but seems he does as you say he has "lost it" - does he have a job. I think you get support from your PILs don't you and you are so NOT a bad mummy.

Glad you are getting some support katkins and getting your benefits sorted out. High time you saw a psychiatrist - it does seem though that there is some doubt about your psychosis, and it may be that you are suffering from something other than psychosis and glad you feel calmer.

Silvery you are struggling a bit at present (like a lot of us) and I think you need to stop worrying about keeping the house clean. I completely disagree that you have to "find the strength not to coast anymore" - coasting is sometimes the only way when we are feeling crap. A very wise consultant psychiatrist told me many years ago when I had my first severe episode of depression and an IP - "don't do anything that feels like an ordeal."

MP seems like you are in agreement with the psych's diagnosis of a mixed episode - assume this is feeling high and low at the same time?

Ed SO good to hear from you and to hear you sounding SO different from 18 months ago. You do need to get that last bit of the PGCE done don't you - would be such a shame to have done all that work and not finished it. You will need to finish it before you can do supply won't you. Well done on all the physical stuff too - you sound SO different from when you used to post in the past.

Snowy glad your meds are getting sorted again.

Ah well just the rest of the day to get through - usually meet my DGD on Wednesdays but not able to see her today - will try sitting in the garden - the sun's out a bit.

Hi CIQ Lem collardove nethun and anyone else I've forgotten.

I can only echo what NN said in her post. And NanaNina even when you are having a day of utter crap, you can post in such a supportive way.

All I am doing at the moment is trying to do slightly more each day - I am going to have to sell house in the fairly near future, so I am working very slowly towards getting it saleable. Strangely, I am not depressed - the AD working perhaps? but am terrified of making wrong decisions, and freeze. The biggest thing is coming to terms with the fact that my most recent hypomania followed a year of true happiness, rather than the miserable stress which preceeded the other episodes. And now I'm sort of having to face reality, 2 years after Ex moved out, unblinded by new love or hypomania