"Summer is Coming, the Village is warm and safe - support for depression, anxiety and other MH issues"

[LollipopViolet]

New thread, everyone :) First attempt at a thread title for us.

I've just posted on the old one, am really struggling today. Was feeling numb, still do, to be honest. Need to get myself through today.

So glad you managed to get out this morning Snowy and the higher dose diazepam will help dull the voices. Your tablets aren't poisoning you Snowy - but I know that's easy for me to say and a struggle for you to believe that - could this be related to the fact you stopped your anti-psychotic for a while.

Hmm this weekend - nothing really, sitting in garden as long as possible - house needs cleaning but can't be arsed today - bad start again - just had a long cry but hope to pick up later.

Found myself looking at the deaths in the local paper and feeling envious of people who have died. How crap is that. It's just I am so utterly weary of mental illness..........

Katkins quetiapine does cause light headedness so be very careful standing up if you've been sitting or lying down. Some days I feel like I'm on a ship during rough seas. Combined with the loss of balance from the lithium it's a wonder I stay upright sometimes.

I have friends coming for dinner tonight and am in the black hole with the added joy of crippling anxiety. Have taken a couple of lorazepam which should help. Now just need to get dressed.

I'm still working, can't really afford to take any more time off.

Sorry I've not been about, just been really busy. I've been OK, not really needed a lot of support lately.

might do soon though, I have a new job

After previous job, I'm very nervous to be going back into work, but this will only be for 12 hours a week, to fit round college, retraining and volunteering. So I should be OK.

Right now, I'm just super happy - need to wait for HR to ring on Monday before I can shout it from the rooftops in real life though.

Well this sunny day has lifted my spirits especially as I have the day here at home on my own.

I like days like that from time to time with DH at work, and DC doing their own things. Can do as I please, stay in bed, potter about, wander about aimlessly, cry - do whatever without question. :)

Thanks to all for mentions to me in your posts over past couple of days. DD had the best time at her school prom. All the rushing around in the day for nails, hair and make up, helping her dress exhausted me But I kept it together (just) and thankfully a friend offered to drive her home with a couple of other friends.

We are going to see a rescue dog on Monday at his foster home, with a view to rehoming him :) We have been contemplating getting a dog for some time, well years really! With DC growing up. DS at uni, DD going into 6th form in Sep, but quite independent. DH and I feel having a dog will be good for us all.
We dogsit regularly for a friend. So I am quietly excited :)

Nana - I often question how long will this weariness last? :( Do I have to contend now with accepting this is how I will always be?
Enjoy your garden today, I will be doing the same.

CIQ - well done on selling one of your paintings :) Your links were interesting reading... Hope you are having a good weekend.

Victrix - how are you doing? Did you see your mum and get biscuits?!!

Snowy - diazepam got me through the past couple of days. I cannot think of what madness I would be in if I did not have meds to dull me through. I hope the diazepam helps you today to shake off the voices :)
I hope there is something to distract you this weekend from these voices.

KatKins - you must of been so very proud of your DD :). CIQ is right that self image and self confidence can make a difference. It does to how I feel. Anxiety eating away at me in the past 2years has seen me go from a 16 to a 10/12.
I wish you well with your new meds and hope they work out for you :)

Lem - how's the past couple of days been?

Nethuns - have not seen you post for a little while, are you ok?

Lollipop - how is life with you?

Hugs to you all and everyone else Silvery, PulledApart, MP, Pyrrh and DumDum if you are still lurking somewhere!

Lollipop - as I posted I saw your post! I had been slowly typing during the past hour.

I am pleased for you that life is good and you are happy :)

Wish you well with your new job! X

Well done Lollipop! Hope you are all doing OK :)

Nana- hope things get better for you. I've been struggling, mental, not just with light-headness, but with lots and lots of tiredness (exhaustion), loss of balance and today, I reached to put something back on the counter (juice), it almost slipped from my hand....it's very hard. I just want to go to bed most days. So, so tired. Though I did go to the shops, and and do a few other things. It was very hard to cook tea as well. Everything is just so, so exhausting. The hallucinations have dulled a little, as have the voices, but I think it might be things running their course, rather than the actual meds (I was left without for 6 weeks after reporting the initial symptoms), so it may be an episode that has run its course. I'm in so much pain and tiredness; the only thing that helps is a hot bath.

Still struggling to string sentances together, and be coherent, so hard to follow the thread. Apologies if I miss you all out- I am still reading!

katkins you sound a lot better. I really sympathise with the quetiapine wobbles though. I feel I am still at the stage of getting used to being on that and dekpote, now with an AD added back into the mix, having gone for many years on ADs, (with a few weeks on quetiapine after my last short stay in hospital 2 years ago).

I'm feeling rather self-absorbed, so not posting much as don't want to be "all about me". The anxiety ebbed yesterday evening, I am trying to train myself to look after the house properly without stressing. I am not sure quite who I am at the moment - so no pushing myself.

((( NN ))) It must be horrible, I hope things pick up for you soon.

I hope your dinner went well, mp

Wow, congratulations Lollipop!

Enjoy the dog, collardove

I hope your symptoms continue to dull, katkins

((( silvery ))) you should always feel free to talk here.

My CPN is back tomorrow. I hope it's not quite so hot today, lack of sleep isn't helping.

I've just had pizza, frozen yogurt to follow, yum. Not sure about tomorrow.

Hello everyone. Sorry I have been so rubbish about posting. Been a fairly good weekend with dp and dd.

Am feeling a bit lost though. World cup final tonight. Im not really a football fan but have been watching as my friend is really into it. A blessed relief from anxiety. Otherwise dd has children's tv on the whole time and there is never anything on.

My friend no longer wants me to walk her dog and I think she needs space from me. She has family coming to support her through chemo and I just feel she doesn't need me so am feeling a bit hurt -just how selfish can I be?? When I was walking the dog we would have a coffee and a chat after and I enjoyed it. I need to get a job but I know im unemployable so its pointless. I do feel increasingly without purpose. I do sometimes wonder what the point to me is.

I do think of everyone on this thread alot but I feel a bit out of touch.

My dinner was a disaster that culminated in me sobbing at the table. I don't think I'm very well.

Oh mp I am dorry you are feeling so bad :(

((( mp )))) Sorry you're not very well. Is there anyone you can ask for help/support?

((( LEM ))) I empathise about feeling without purpose

I'm feeling pretty rough too, don't know if I'll be able to share about the feelings that my meds are poisoning me with my CPN (she's back tomorrow).

LEM I've been wondering what's the point of me too. In my case I think it's an aftershock of my acute episode. Lovely man is helping, by keeping me focussed on the moment. Had nice lunch out and walk in the park. I am feeling like I can plod on, getting to a state of readiness. Readiness for what, I'm not sure.

mp you need to ring your CHMT on Monday, imho, and say you very much need help. My own CPN asked me why I hadn't rung her, when I'd been very low the other week.

silvery I see my psychiatrist and my CPN on Wednesday so I think I'll just wait till then. Have to go to work tomorrow so need to find a way to pull myself together.

in my young day if people were ill, they didn't go to work. And lunch hours were an hour long. I know things are very stretched atm, but I worry about the pressure on people, whatever they are recovering from, physical or mental. Plus the points in that link about the recovery model are pretty spot on, there is little emphasis on having to manage an illnesss, rather than recover from it.

Lem - maybe your friend feels that she does not want to burden you (even though it may not). Perhaps she does not want anyone other then close family to see her go through this awful process of chemo.

Don't take it too much to heart, and think that it's 'you'. Of course you feel a little hurt :( as it has become part of a little enjoyable routine for you.

I can understand that it was probably a welcome little distraction walking the dog, even a little therapeutic. The social side of being out, having a small chat with other dog walkers etc. then spending a little time with your friend after.

Maybe you could think about advertising locally your services as a dog walker? So as earn a little money at the same time. I know 4 people who use a dog walker whilst they are at work during the day.

Glad aside from that you have had a good weekend :)

MP - sorry to read your dinner did not go well for you. I echo what Silvery has posted to you.

Snowy - you have eaten well today! :)

Hope everyone else has had an ok day today x

I have a full clinic all day tomorrow, I can't leave my patients in the lurch. Plus I'm wearing out my employers goodwill as I've been wildly unstable and in and out of work for over a year now.

mp do you have the equivalent of a line manager - a consultant, would it be? Or are you the one who calls it? I am a bit worried about you doing the work you do if you are perhaps not well enough to do it?

LEM I was sad that my cousin and his wife decided they needed just very close family during the wife's year long illness, which ended in her death. I managed to speak to her on the phone once, though. They just kept everything very private. It is nothing personal with respect to you, I'm sure.

silvery I'm the senior consultant in my CMHT but I do, of course, have a clinical manager. I'm certified for to work at the moment and don't feel I'm ill enough to not work. I will, of course, seek guidance in the next few days once I see my own psychiatrist.

Hello all - just coming up for air after another horrendous day which has been spent mostly in bed, several bouts of crying and suicidal thoughts that wouldn't go away. I won't be able to get my CPN till Tuesday cus she doesn't work Mondays, but I'm not sure what she can do as I have an apt with psych on Friday next week. I think the sertraline seems to be making me worse, although I've been crap for most of this year.

Snowy it was nice to hear you sounding a bit better and enjoying your lunch. I think you must tell your CPN what you believe about the drugs poisoning you, because that says something about your state of mind and she needs to know that, to get you back on track so to speak.

Lem someone mentioned advertising yourself as a dog walker and I think that's a good idea. Sometimes people who have dogs are too ill to walk them and would welcome some help. I wonder if you would think about doing some voluntary work as I've been thinking for a while you need some purpose in your life and I think you have lost confidence in terms of applying for jobs just now. There are loads of things you can do on a voluntary basis and it might help you as well as those in need of help.

mp I am not surprised you ended up in a heap at your dinner party. I couldn't believe it when I read that you were feeling so low and anxious and needed to cook and entertain..........when I am feel so crap, it's all I can do to peel a banana, let alone cook and entertain! I too am a bit concerned about you going into work when you are unwell yourself, and you should know that it isn't possible to just pull yourself together - I'm sure you wouldn't be advising your patients that they do that! I wonder if you think you are better than you actually are. Would it be an idea to talk to your clinical manager tomorrow. No one is indispensable - you need to take care of your own health before you can help others.

Nice to see you silvery and glad you have your lovely man to help you along the path - I think you need to just be at the moment, without worrying too much about what happened and why and "go with the flow" (sorry that sounds very trite) but I'm not finding it easy to post tonight.

Hope I didn't come across as badgering you, mp, and often I've found it possible to function perfectly effectively at work while depressed (was CAB adviser, among other things).

You didn't badger me silvery. I know I'm not well but I also know that I can compartmentalise enough to be able to work. I would never, ever do anything to endanger the safety of my patients.

nana you should have pointed out the error of my dinner plans sooner. It was alright though, two of my guests are also psychiatrists so someone having a meltdown over coq au vin didn't really phase them!

Just checking to say hi. Sorry you are feeling so low, nana, and mental. Lem- how about volunteering at Homestart? From your posts, I think you would be great there!

I am really struggling with the side effects of meds- feel as though I have flu and can't think straight- have slept for about 20 hours (just so drained, lately), now need to fill in ESA form...

Hi katkins (((( All )))) so many people are having a tricky time

I'm just touching base, didn't manage to contact my CPN today, I'll have to try tomorrow. I'm having Chinese tonight - I know that all the takeaways don't help with weight loss, but I need something to try and keep me up.