"Summer is Coming, the Village is warm and safe - support for depression, anxiety and other MH issues"

[LollipopViolet]

New thread, everyone :) First attempt at a thread title for us.

I've just posted on the old one, am really struggling today. Was feeling numb, still do, to be honest. Need to get myself through today.

Welcome Jellybean can you tell us a bit more about yourself so we are better able to support you.

Feeling so down isn't good Katkins and I know how bloody awful that makes us feel, and still getting hallucinations sounds pretty grim too. There is a hereditary component to some mental health conditions as you already know, but I think you need to get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist. Hope you finally get this and treatment tomorrow. You could ask what support you can expect from your CPN.

Snowy I'm worried - why have you stopped your meds. That really isn't a good idea - are you able to say why - I hope the CMHT will respond to your e mail, as you do need the meds, honestly.

That's a relief Lem - I did wonder if the appointment was more to reassure you as your GP must have seen how worried you have been. You really need to try to accept that there is nothing sinister going on in your breast, and you have been re-assured - glad the Dr was lovely - that always helps.

Only just seen your last post Snowy - I'm not surprised that CMHT want a Dr to see you, as stopping your meds is not a good idea at all and they are obviously concerned. Hope things get sorted for you.

They rang me, NN, and want me to see a dr. They have said not to restart the antipsychotic.

Delighted lem

snowy really hope you're ok and speak to a gp soon.

Hi nana, katkins welcome jellbean

Hello everyone else. Just a quick pop in to say I'm thinking of you all. Managed to paint today, and went out in evening. A good day

Hi all,
Hope everyone is doing ok today.
lem so glad you got the all clear :)
snowy please do speak to your DR re the meds, it's really worrying that you have stopped taking them. I don't know your reasons but can only imagine how hard the withdrawal symptoms will be!
katkins hope all goes well today and you get the diagnosis/meds sorted
Hello to NN and ciq & welcome jellybeans

I'm doing ok just keeping myself busy & haven't started my weight loss plan as I thought it's better to get my head in gear first. Weight gain has been a massive depressant for me as I'm now the biggest I've ever been, voices love to put me down about this too, but also it has been very limiting physically :(

Thinking of everyone, but especially katkins today.

Snowy have you got a date to see the doctor yet? I think sooner is better than later and it will be a good thing. People like me only have your best interests at heart.

Katkins best of luck today. Please don't be disheartened if you don't get a diagnosis, it can take some time, but hopefully you'll get some answers and more importantly some better medication.

Lem I've been watching what you've been going through and am very pleased that you got good news yesterday. Hopefully this will put your mind at ease. Try not to let those sneaky, anxious thoughts take hold.

The black cloud is starting to descend around me so it might be time for a medication switch for me. Seeing my own psychiatrist next week so will see how I go.

Glad things went OK yesterday, Lem.

How are you doing Snowy?

I saw the Doctor today, she said it's a bit too early to say for sure if it's schizophrenia for sure yet; but from the way that she spoke, it's incredibly likely that it is. It was the only suggestion that she put forward, and as she's saying 'yet', I'm pretty certain that's my diagnosis. She wants me to reduce my sertraline to 50mg; and to start with anti-psychotics. They are discussing me as a new case on Monday, but she did try and phone about them (only I didn't hear the phone). Home treatment want to come and see me tomorrow- they left a voicemail, so I called back. My DD isn't allowed back until social services have done an assessment.

Snowymouse have you seen the Dr yet .... hope you can get your meds sorted and you can get onto something with fewer side effects.

Katkins glad you finally saw the Dr - presumably a psychiatrist? I see MP says that getting a diagnosis can take some time, but at least you are now on the right track, and will be getting anti-psychotic meds. Is your friend willing to continue to care for your DD - it would be so much better if she is, or is there another friend who could care for her. I think you might wait some time for the LA to do an assessment as the LA where you live is absolutely inundated with work and very short of social workers.

Pulledapart is it the meds that is causing the weight gain, as I know this is a side effect of so many ADs and APs.

MP sorry that you can feel the black cloud descending around you and hope you can get the right meds to give you some relief. It seems that there is a lot of "hit and miss" about ADs but I guess this is true for other mental and physical illnesses.

My CPN has been today and is happy to talk to the psych about my wish to reduce the meds by 10mgs over the next 2 months. She says they will leave me on Sertraline 100mgs for the time being, as that might be enough. I am so fortunate to have her - she is so lovely and so helpful.

Nana, she came to the Docs with me. It was a specialist, and I am beyond all reasonable doubt that's what I have. I think she is, too, as is my friend. My Mother has it and I'm not surprised. There are two or three friends willing to have DD, and the home treatment team are coming tomorrow. Are home treatment teams for people who would otherwise be in hospital- can anyone tell me?

katkins when I had my breakdown I was under the home treatment team. They came to see me daily to ensure I was safe & taking the meds they had put me on as I was so far gone from reality at the time. Once the medication (anti psychotic & anti depressants) started to work which took about 5 weeks in my case I was then asked to go into hospital daily - it's called the day hospital here. You basically spend the day there 9-5 during which time you have different types of therapy. I was there for about 4 weeks & it helped me a lot. The role of the home treatment team I think is to ensure you feel safe & get the right treatment so you avoid going into hospital as an inpatient. That being said I did have to go into hospital even after this as I had a few episodes after this (about 4 times). They are there to help you so be as honest as you can with them. In my case they found it hard to help me initially as I wouldn't talk to them or anyone for that matter. In time once I felt better I opened up to them. Oh I forgot to mention before they prescribe anything they will ask you to see the consultant psychiatrist who came to the home to see me - not sure how the service works at your area but they managed to see me at home.
Hope that helps.

Well, am heading for a full house on medication bingo, as I now have sertraline to add to the mix. I started trying to run before I could walk - tried to make big decision re house - but with the help of Lovely Man have realised I was catastrophising, and also that actually even if I am OK atm (and I am feeling better than I was), with such a recent hospitalisation there is no way I should be making life-changing decisions anyway. The heavy leaden knot of anxiety in my stomach has eased, my plan is just to keep on keeping on, I do find that I try to make myself better by sheer force of will, which has the opposite effect.

I am worried about the apparent lack of appropriate care some are experiencing - even though I didn't like it, my CPN got the Crisis Team out to see me the same day my DD reported worrying symptoms - pressured speech, but I had also begun to get lost in my own head.

so special thoughts to katkins and snowy, and warm thoughts to all.

Thanks pulled apart. My diapazem has started to not work (as it does) and so the voices and faces are back- and the paranoia. I need anti physcotics, and very soon if I am to stand a good chance of recovery. I knew it was wearing off on Tuesday, and the clinic just said wait until Friday
I really do need a prescription. Social services will be doing an assessment, but I've nothing to hide there. My friend has already spoken to them today, the duty officer said not to give my daughter back until they have done an assessment. I am really worried about that, as my benefits are still in the cess of being sorted out, and I've not started treatment yet. My house is tidy and stuff; I have on going 're decorating, but just painting that's all.im really really tidy and organised, even when unwell.i just hope they see that I'm unwell, and that treatment can help, rather than removing her. Silvery,lne makes me tired and sick. After one day, I took it at night to ease that. It still helped. ph

Not much sleep thanks to DD being up last night as she was poorly with temperature. Seems to have disappeared miraculously today though thankfully. Hoping it doesn't come back tonight. Cloudy day is making my mood miserable :( distracted myself with but even that was dull & now it's raining :(

How is everyone else doing today?

Home care team came out to see me today- asked loads of questions that didn't seem relevant (i.e. did I bond with DD when I first held her?) and said I'm not to be left without her unsupervised until the social services do an assessment. This is because one of my voices told me to kill her, and they are worried that despite my control, I might act on things. Because I know what my condition is- and have insight when I'm well; they are finding me a bit of a challenge! She asked what I wanted, and I said anti psychotics, but hasn't prescribed yet. Said she will try and get the Doctor to see me "early next week" (Monday or Tuesday). She was suggesting all sorts of things like therapy (in the long term) and that I might be able to control the voices myself. I explained that I've developed an addiction to diapazem, really, and what I need is anti psychotics, which the other DR agreed- but wouldn't prescribe on the day. My friend's DH- who used to be a senior physiatrist (but is now retired) is really cross with them he says I should have had anti psychotics last week; as I've been in the acute stages of psychosis for a month now, in varying degrees, (it built gradually), and have had the voices/characters in my head for a long time. The diapazem isn't working, so the voice is back (the most dominant one) but they don't seem to concerned about writing me a prescription in a hurry. I need advice really as to what others think here; it doesn't seem right.

Katkins I'm very surprised you haven't been prescribed antipsychotics by now, it would have been one of the first things I'd have done had I seen you on Friday. Please push as hard as you can to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. In the meantime stick with the diazepam, I wouldn't worry about any dependence issues at the moment.

Sadly and without cynicism (I think) I do think that some mh care folk are unable to understand that we can give them useful information about our condition, because in some sense that I can't define, they don't quite see us as people. For example, I have encountered surprise from some of them that I actually remember my hypomania, what I was thinking, and what I did. In actual fact, these episodes, though few, are among some of my clearest memories.

You can understand it in a way, because insight is such a tricky thing. So they have to watch your behaviour and things like how you say things, and this can be at the expense of listening to the content of what you say. And on the other end of the spectrum, clinical depression is hard to understand unless you've been there, because it's characterised by another sort of loss of insight - where you know you're depressed, but that it's because everything really is shit.

Are mh care folk picked for "mental stability" (if that is even possible?) What is the mh rate among mh staff I wonder?

It was thinking of snowy and katkins recent experience, and of course my recent spell as an IP, which I am still processing, that prompted the above.

Silvery, I'm an incredibly controlled, high functioning person with a great deal of insight. I've just come out of a degree with a first (and my thesis was 90; unheard of. It was on, of all things, Holocaust representation and how we make sense of the world through sign systems (or how we perceive what we see and hear.) ). I've been accepted straight onto PhD (but deferred for a year). My studies mean that I understand my condition very well, and they are really unwilling to treat me with anything because I have a 'complex presentation'. I've become so used to my voice(s) and the things he controls, or what they say and do, that they don't really bother me in any way. They are trying to pin my condition on 'lack of sleep' and 'pushing myself too hard at university'- no-one hears voices , thinks things are there (i.e. the voices in the back of the car) if they are well. And not everyone develops psychotic symptoms after a degree. I've actually had my symptoms for almost two years- looking back- it got acute and was triggered by stress. But of course, I wouldn't know anything. Not being well and all. It makes me cross, but every time they change their minds, I am needlessly separated from my DD.

Katkins so very hard for you :( most of us if not all on this thread are highly educated. Sometimes I feel its a curse. My dp often says im too clever for my own good . I r really hope you get the right medication and therapy soon and have your dd back with you soon. Your thesis sounds harrowing!

Collard dove How are you?

Love to all - sorry posting in car on way to london. Manic busy few days

Hi, just checking in briefly after being away on holiday last ten days. Hugs all, especially those having a tough time. Will catch up on the thread soon. xx

Hi folks - I went to my great niece's wedding yesterday and it was all lovely, and I was so relieved I could get there, as I'd have hated to have missed it. BUT today woke with the dark grey gloom of depression clinging to me, so it's been a shit day, not helped by the exchange of texts with my son, some of which made me angry, but he said I was misinterpreting what he said - quite possible the way I felt.

I think that's a good explanation of the Home Treatment Team pulledapart though it's probably called different things in different hospital Trusts. It is as you say to prevent admission wherever possible.

Glad you're feeling a bit better Silvery and have realised that you shouldn't be contemplating major life crises, like house moves, so soon after relapsing. You mention about MH professionals suffering mental illness - well we know of a consultant psychiatrist on here mentalpsychiatrist who has bipolar disorder, and I'm sure she can't be the only one. When I was working I had cause to interact with the local consultant psychiatrist and he was very odd indeed, and the one I came across who admitted me as an IP was dreadful - no social skills whatsoever, but I suspect he had AS.

Katkins I really can't fathom why the medics are not starting you on anti-psychotics but I assume they have good reason. You have mentioned before your academic success and acceptance to do a Phd but that doesn't protect you from mental illness of course, as I'm sure you must know. Lem also has a Phd - something scientific - sorry can't remember exactly what.......... I really hope they can get your meds sorted out very soon.

Social services will be very keen to find someone in the family or friends who can care for your DD until you are on an even keel, and I think you have friends lined up for that haven't you.

Snowy where are you - how are you - I'm worried about you. Can you pop on to say a quick hello x

I'm hoping this is a one day blip but that of course remains to be seen. Sod mental illness!

Sorry to hear you are feeling down, Nana. In this case, the good reason for not starting me on anti-psychotics is down to lack of communication and as the voices/ illness progresses, I gain a greater deal of insight into my condition. The Doctor I saw on Friday wanted to consult with some-one else, and the home treatment team didn't have the authority to prescribe. They are hopefully getting the Doctor to see me (and prescribe) on Monday- because it's getting a bit too much for me. I can't tell whether I'm making it all up inside my head anymore, or if they think I'm lying. I was becoming suicidal over the weekend, because I clearly just need anti-psychotics, and even with diapazem am experiencing symptoms. Half of which I can't tell are in my head or real anymore. The reason I mention the academic stuff is because I did it all whilst experiencing the early onset of this, and they are using it as a baseline for my functioning level: but that's not the case anymore. They are also suggesting the pressure may have led to my condition, and I think, adopting a wait and see approach. Which is no good to me, really, still experiencing things, five weeks on from my first hallucinations.

katkins I've worked and volunteered in the service user movement, and we had, I thought, come a long way - from psychs handing down treatment to an approach of co-managing one's illness.

I tried to do the same when an IP, but no, it doesn't seem to work like that. Plus noise, telly, radio and crappy books (at least they had some books) makes me worse - and it did. My first episode, 21 years ago, I went into an old asylum, large grounds to walk in once I'd got off my S3, although no naps during the day, and you had to get up when they said. For me (apart from the sleep regime) this was a lot better.

Of course that was being phased out, that had to happen and was a good thing in many ways. But this April, I felt a bit like we were herded together and medicated to some sort of improvemnt. Maybe it has to be like that, just from a financial pov, but what I would have liked was a few days of peaceful retreat.

x=posted

I too am an academic, at least by training (tried to do PhD twice). The last time followed me getting an MA in Linguistics in 2000 (outs self), however I did find that I was running in a different head space because my brain was analysing talk while having the conversations. And recently I had another project I was working on, which required holding long trains of thought in my head. I am wondering if I have contributed to the manifestion of my symptoms by 'overclocking' my brain, and making it think in a different, very analytic mode.

It did lead to a state where I confused reality with my theories of reality, plus I'd also been thinking about my Ex and worrying about the cat. My psychosis takes the form of acting out waking dreams, or acting on bizarre ideas, rather than hearing or seeing things in daily life.

I seem to be sorting through my life, had day with friends and was talking to a young person about the days Before Computers! and now blagging away on here.

I'm living proof that psychiatrists often end up as mad as their patients. It's an age old cliche but it's not without a grain of truth. I know of at least one other person that I trained with who had a mental illness and I've met many more during my professional career. I know quite a few psychiatrists who I would imagine have high functioning ASD. Of course some are just odd with no clinical justification and some are shites!