"Summer is Coming, the Village is warm and safe - support for depression, anxiety and other MH issues"

[LollipopViolet]

New thread, everyone :) First attempt at a thread title for us.

I've just posted on the old one, am really struggling today. Was feeling numb, still do, to be honest. Need to get myself through today.

Ugh. Horrible panic attack today.

(Silvery) and (Snowy). My voices tell me similar things, Snowy, I understand.

Managed to get out and see a friend yesterday. Took me everything I had to do it, and ages to get ready. She said things like it was "mind over matter" and that I didn't need medication because I don't have an illness. Almost went as far as to say that it was my fault for drinking coffee and not sleeping when I was studying. I tried to explain the whole thing goes together; but she said I didn't need medication (!). I was still having hallucinations yesterday (but much lower level) and my thoughts were drifting quite a lot. I was finding it hard to follow a train of thought. I run out of diapazem today, so need to get dressed in a minute and see if the GP can fit me in and issue more. I think I'd really struggle without it. I forgot to take my anti depressant last night, and now feel really tired and sick (took it this morning). My whole body feels absolutely exhausted; it's very hard to do anything. And my arms are really hurting (they felt like they were on fire when I had active psychosis). Last night, I wasn't sure whether I was heading for another episode (could see a face in the window, thought I was being followed when I was walking) or just being really over cautious as my body adjusts. Seeing DD after school today.

I'm really struggling today, took me almost three hours to got dressed. Managed to phone the DR and try and get my prescription on repeat, but no appointments. It took me so long because I'm freezing cold and could barely move my arms to get ready, or my body. It just wouldn't move at all. I have never experienced anything like that. This is horrendous. I need to phone and sort out my housing benefit and bills, but I can't. I think I hallucinated a spider in my handbag earlier, but I can't tell for sure anymore.

Katkins you really must not take notice of what this "friend" was saying to you yesterday - dangerous stuff. Listen to your friends who are caring for your LO, as they seem to have good advice. I am appalled at the lack of help you are getting. Mondays are never a good day to get an appointment with a GP. Have you got another appointment now?

I know the CPN at the Mental Health Team was less than helpful but I honestly think you need to contact them again today because you are sounding acutely unwell again, which is hardly surprising as you are not on any anti psychotic medication. Insist that you are seen today, and you need help to sort out Housing Benefit etc., you can't do this in your present state. Would your friends help with this?

Snowy I don't understand why your CPN is only seeing you on such an irregular basis as I seem to recall that they saw you frequently, but you didn't always like that. I know the voices tell you not to call the Crisis Team and that puts you in a Catch 22 position doesn't it. Are you getting any support just now?

Lem glad you are distracting yourself. I'm terrified of moths!

Silvery so sorry things are not going well but glad you have a CPN who is referring you to a psych - maybe for alternative treatment? I'm wondering if all the misery and stress of being in that terrible marriage for so long, are now manifesting themselves in a deterioration in your mental health. Do you have any RL support - is the "lovely man" around? You might need to downsize but I don't think this is the right time to think of anything so major. Moving house as you probably know is one of the major life crises, and you have enough to contend with at the present.

I am still suffering withdrawal symptoms which seem to be manifesting themselves physically. I have no energy, appetite, feel constantly nauseas, headache, muscular pains and feel like an old slug..........my CPN is due this coming Friday and she will be wanting to confer with the psych about reducing my imipramine still more, but I am really scare of this because of how awful it made me feel mentally, and now over a week later and I am still feeling physically crap.

Sorry if I've forgotten anyone.

Katkins I'm worried about you. Can you come back and tell us if you are being seen by a GP or someone from the Mental Health Team before next Friday.

My CPN is on holiday for 2 weeks, NN, that's why I'm not seeing her. Sorry to hear about the withdrawal symptoms, NN - sounds like you might need to take it slowly? I hope they have some good plans for you when they hear about the withdrawal, when do you start the new med?

Nana, sorry to hear you aren't feeling well. The duty nurse was very much wait until Friday, and my doctors are booked up, so I've ask ed to e issued more diapazem anyway. I can collect it later. I'm wondering if the exhaustion is because I've taken my anti depressants in the morning, rather than at night. I'm absolutely shattered. My friend is being daughter to see me after school, as it would be hard for me to get to her. I'm thinking it might be a bit borderline with the hallucinations, they haven't been there much today, but still a bit. And a bit yesterday.I'm wondering if they are just waiting at the clinic to see if it happens again. Which seems really cruel.I've seen a couple of spiders, heard a bit of whispering and did a double take with the flowers (!), and a sort of ghost like cat. Then I thought I saw a few in the garden,but think my mind is just adjusting a bit.

I'm glad you got the diazepam prescription ok, sometimes they can be funny about giving it out. Which anti-depressant are you taking? Some do make you sleepy, some don't.
I hope seeing your daughter is ok. Glad the hallucinations are there less than they were, I hope that continues.

and for everyone who is having difficult few days :-(

I'm still trying to work hard at the mindfulness.

I do wonder if Im reacting slightly to getting a different brand of my AD - i know they are all meant to have the same ingredients but i found something on the internet that suggested that there can actually be up to 20% increase or decrease in active ingredients and they would still pass the licence criteria. I know I am very sensitive to medication changes so just wonder if this has impact.

Snowy, Setraline 50mg but I've run out. Usually take at bedtime. I got a week more of diapazem with 'to be seen' on the prescription. Blossommy, could you try a different AD? They do change sometimes.

Can being sick give you a six pack? If so I'd like to market my panic attacks as a bikini body workout.

Katkins are you goingvto get some more sertraline? You really shouldn't stop abruptly. When I have been stuck the pharmacist has given me a few tablets in lieu of a prescription x

I am Lem yes, I just lost track. I've only just started it. They gave me seven days, and I just forgot. My friend bought dd for a bit today. That was nice. She thinks I should go and see my GP tomorrow as I'm really unwell. I think I've lost my insight totally (well, maybe not totally). I couldn't even lift my arms to brush my hair today. I managed it, but it took about three hours to get dressed, because I was in pain. I kept trying to lift my arm, and it just wouldn't move.

I agree with your friend. See your gp tomorrow. I am stunned they only gave you 7 days worth of sertraline. It wont have had chance to start working properly yet. I am glad you got to see your dd.

I feel better though Lem, it's just the tiredness and not being able to move very fast, that's all.

(((( all ))))

katkins agree with the others - go and see gp as soon as you can. It won't help you to stop and start the sertraline.

I think we're all worried about you katkins as you don't seem to be getting consistent care, and meds being prescribed for 7 days with no follow up appointment makes no sense whatsoever. GPs almost always prescribe enough for 2 weeks initially with a review after that to see how things are going. You need to insist that you are seen by a GP to get meds to last you until Friday.

Snowy re my withdrawal symptoms from imipramine, it was the psych who advised that this was the problem as I had a truly horrendous weekend last week and by Monday was terrified as my anxiety was on the ceiling and I couldn't stop crying. Fortunately I got my CPN and she phoned the psych who said I would be experiencing withdrawal symptoms, but I had already arrived at that conclusion myself, as the imipramine had been reduced from 100mg to 50mg on alternate nights and with 2 days of this I was in a very bad state. Thing is I've been taking imipramine for the past 5 years, and before that for 15 years, before I came off them very slowly, and then relapsed after 4 months! He said to go back to 50mg per night and continue with 100mg Sertraline plus 45mg mirtazapine (which I don't think are beneficial at all) and would review when my CPN is back from holiday. She is due here on Friday so I am going to insist that I withdraw from imipramine by 10% doses, rather than 50% which caused me a lot of trouble. Mind I think the theory is that the Sertraline should be making up the shortfall so to speak.

How are you anyway Snowy - I think you said diazepam takes the edge off the voices, so maybe you should take them while your CPN is away so that they will be less insistent about you not phoning Crisis if you need to - if that makes sense? Do you find Crisis are any help to you. I always find my CPN helps me feel a bit better just be talking to me - I find it re-assuring that there is someone who understands what I'm going through and wonder if that works for you too?

Blossomy not sure what you mean by a different brand - what meds are you on. Surely the meds and the dosage should be the same shouldn't they, although you have found something to the contrary on the internet. Why was the brand changed?

I should be in bed but I've been sleeping most of the afternoon as still feel physically very crap. Hope everyone else is tucked up and sleeping well.

Withdrawal sounds horrible, nana. Hope it gets better. I missed phoning my doctor for a morning appointment, as I was just too tired to get up. Now I'm telling myself off for being lazy.I think I am heading for another episode a bit,my arms are hurting like they did last time and I'm exhausted even after several yourselves (a lot). One of the voices has started talking to me again, but I can't tell the difference between that and my own thoughts now, because I don't hear it in my ears, but in my head if that makes sense. I think I might be able to see the doctor if in phone for an afternoon appointment.

Feel lost -I don't think my friend wants to see me today as she has a friend visiting so they will walk the dog. I went to help dp but I asked the wrong question so he told me to go. So sitting on a bench thinking I just want it all to stop. Why does dp always get shitty with me when im stressed. I feel so alone. My friend is coping (just) with th support of her family and many friends but if it happens to me ill have no one. I just want to be with my dd. Im so scared what if they missed something? Logically I know that is highly unlikely but its still a possibility and I know I wont cope - I feel no one wants me

Hi all,
Sorry I've lost track of thread :(
Past few days have been ok thanks to diazepam. I've started having hallucination now then just a feeling of someone's presence in my room. This has been quite distressing & thanks to it I'm sleeping less Voices are thankfully calm though. I've also ordered some diet packs as need to lose weight just got to start them now!

lem sorry your feeling alone & lost & scared (((hugs))) I'm sure ur DP doesn't mean anything by it unless they have form for this kind of thing. Sorry I don't know your back story. Giving my DD a hug always makes me feel better too so that is well recommended.

katkins hope you have managed to speak to G.P and get an afternoon appointment. Voices are very distressing I only know too well. Sometimes just really concentrating on my breathing helps when I'm really fucked off with my voices to give just a 1 min break from them (you may find this useful)

((( all ))) thinking of you all.

Len, you are wanted. And loved. You are just feeling down, and hopefully the hospital will help clear things up for you on Thursday not long now. And I value your support, a lot. I've been having early signs of another episode, voices and I thought one was at the table with me, and so I'm going to the doctors at three today. I saw spiders coming out of the tap, and thought the bath was a swamp. Then there was a spider in it. Oh, and I wanted to stroke one in the washing up bowl! Even though I know it's not real, I think I do need to get some intervention.

(((hugs))) katkins that sounds tough. Great tho that you're seeing your GP today - hope it's constructive.

pulledapart be kind to yourself - dieting when you're suffering as you are may not be the best timing. Can you limit the number of "treats" you have a day - I find that helps sometimes.

lem (((hugs))) I can imagine its hard not been needed by your friend today - you've been an amazing support to her. Can you use today to be a support to yourself, care for yourself?

Well I am mega zonked. Assessment with Relate this morning for DH and I. It was hard. DH said I was very honest! But he was ok with that. Think counselling would be helpful. There is a small possibility it could be funded given both our recent mental health problems which would be v helpful, but I think we need to do it even if its not. Back home for half an hour then off to my penultimate individual counselling. OK. Identified a significant paranoia of mine which is still affecting me - thinking people will think of me like I think of my mum.....

Hi Nana withdrawal sounds rough. Thinking of you.

Gosh, two lots in a day CIQ, that must be tough.

I hope your GP was constructive, katkins

I'm glad the diazepam is helping, pulledapart

(((( LEM )))) We're here for you.

I hope Friday isn't too long in coming, NN, med changes are horrible.

It was helpful to talk to old CPN, new one not so much.

I'm thinking about contacting PALS about the meds, but they'd probably just draw ranks.

Went to the doctor, who sent me to the clinic. I saw the nurse again. There's been a bit of a breakdown in communication with them and my own doctor, but I've been given a prescription for more anti depressants. He said my presentation was really unusual, and a bit complex. Did a medical and drugs screening. Nothing obvious, as I don't take drugs. Never have. I was seeing skeletons hanging from the trees on the way there, that was odd. I think it's odd because I get so many different symptoms of physcodis all at once. He said there's very little than can be done about me going into another episode, I can't have anything, and the best I will get is seeing a Doctor on Friday.He will try and move it to sooner, as its clear I need anti physcotics. He thinks, because I asked, they are going to be treating something on the schritrophenia side. But until I see a specialist, just have to brave it out.

Thanks ciq hope you got through your counselling ok.

snowy thanks. Contacting pals may be useful if you really feel you need an intervention re your meds. Hopefully in time you may feel more comfortable with your new cpn. It is hard to move from one to another. I had a cpn change beginning of the year (previous one left the country )
I'm hoping it wasn't me that drove him away

NN hope you have been taking it slow and getting plenty of rest. Hope withdrawal symptoms pass soon as well. Mine will probably kick in next week when I will have no more diazepam (been weaned off them).

My afternoon has been ok just dreading night time as that is when my hallucination start troubling me. During the day I can busy myself with things and ignore them but at night alone in bed it's much harder to do so. I tried a bit of mindfulness technique yesterday but it didn't make a difference so I was back to taking diazepam. A bit scared of how I will cope without them next week when I run out but hoping the replacement drug will have kicked in by then

((( hugs to all )))