"Summer is Coming, the Village is warm and safe - support for depression, anxiety and other MH issues"

[LollipopViolet]

New thread, everyone :) First attempt at a thread title for us.

I've just posted on the old one, am really struggling today. Was feeling numb, still do, to be honest. Need to get myself through today.

Hi mp wow that sounds like a rubbish week. Hope you can get some rest this weekend. TV and sofa tonight or straight to bed?

I feel like I've been in a permanent daze all week!

Hi CIQ, it's Masterchef and then bed for me I think. Very tempted to have a therapeutic gin and tonic but resisting the urge.

Hi Colouring in Queen - I don't go near a supermarket (ever), always online! I don't drive though, so I've an excuse. Give it a try- you won't look back!

Pulled apart, I've got DD with me (I probably shouldn't have), managed to get everything done for her, its me that's suffering though. Hope you feel a bit better. And you Mp; I've been in the system 5 years previously , but so well that I've had n contact with them for that time. I've never had psychosis (ever), but I think I have some sort of stigma attached to my name there. It's only the diapazem that's keeping me relatively calm, still getting hallucinations (visual and auditory. It's the not knowing and the unpredictably I find hard. If I knew what caused it, I'd feel less scared, could get my sick note, give myself permission to rest, that sort of thing. I've only been relatively stable for a day.

Evening all,

ciq I did get out today firstly for a small top up shop & drop off DD to nursery then accompanying dad to hospital for his consultation. I also went for an additional walk afterwards. Physically I've been drained everyday but just not able to switch off :( I'm sure you are also pretty drained after braving the supermarket so hope your getting some rest now :)

katkins u will make the right decision by ur DD & if u get to a point where you feel you will not then I hope you will talk to your supportive friend. hope your evening goes well & diazepam continues to make a difference.

mp sorry you've had a tough week. I'm watching master chef aswell to relax. DD has fallen asleep peacefully tonight :) hope you get plenty of rest this weekend!

I have my appetite back

Hopefully this is the start of feeling better

I'm in such a foul mood today :( everyone & everything is annoying me & making me angry...Just took a diazepam!

Trying to resist diazepam here -I don't have many left and I know doctor wont let me have more everything is grating on my nerves just now

((( all )))

My friend has taken my Daughter for a few days. I liedo the clinic. They said leave her where she was for the time being, and I took her anyway.I know it was bad, but I wanted her back. I think im still really poorly, if judgement I wouldn't have lied. I struggled when I took her back from my friend.

(((all)))
lem sounds tough. Can you distract yourself from the grating things at all? I have resorted to to dull irritation with dh...

snowy hope you're surviving.

katkins that's great you have such a supportive friend. I can well imagine you wanted time with your dd - completely understandable - but as you say more than a little time is prob too much at the moment - but that will change.

Phew dd Music exam done - have been v stressed today. Stupid early start for tomorrow too.

The village seems quiet this weekend - Katkins you mention you were "in the system" 5 years ago but assume not a psychotic illness. Did you get better support then than you are getting now. Wasn't sure what you meant about a sick note. Did you manage to get to the Job Centre though god only knows how you would cope with that as you are so vulnerable just now. Glad your LO has gone back to your friend for a while. She sounds like she's a very good friend to have around.

Sorry you're struggling PulledApart - did the diazepam work. I find they only work for me if I'm really very anxious, not if I'm irritable or angry though.

Ah Lem I don't think you're going to feel much better till you've had this apt (next Thursday is it) and hopefully put your mind at rest. I think you're physically ill as well aren't you.

Hi CIQ - have you started that couple counselling yet?

Snowy - I saw your hugs earlier on - how are things? Have you got any distractions for tomorrow.

Silvery wondering how you are.

I'm feeling a fair bit better - but it's always one day at a time isn't it. Never know what tomorrow will bring.

Im so so scared. I keep imagining my daughters lost without me -how arrogant can you get. Dd2 keeps telling me how much she loves me -to the moon and back times infinity. She is sooo sensitive and breaking her heart because I can't go on the school trip with her. What will she do? She will be destroyed - from happy and carefree little precious girl with all the love to lost lost lost. I feel my fate is sealed. The drs missed something and im fucked fucked fucked. Irs my fault - I am a bad person but why will my girls be the ones punished?? Fucking hell if it wasn't for them id have no reason to be here dp would be happier without me but not them and I have done this to them

(Lem) you don't know anything yet until the Doctor sees you- try not to think the worst until you have spoken to them properly.

Nana- I had depression and attempted suicide in my teens, then a bit of post natal. I got through most of it with some meds and private counselling. No contact with mh services for 5 years (and a bit more). No psychosis ever, though. I feel so low without my Daughter here :( I couldn't cook her tea and get her uniform sorted properly and now she has been taken away. I don't even know when I will get to see her. My friend probably doesn't even want me to see her and make myself a nuisance because all I talk about is this stupid illness and what it's doing to me. I can't even see past it, and I don't even know what it is, so there's nothing that I can do about it. I managed to sign on OK, but had a letter saying I get ESA now (lowest rate) and am asking for a longer term sick note.

Hope everyone else is doing OK.

Thanks katkins -I hope you manage to give your dd a hug soon x

Oh Lem you are catastrophising (I'm very good at that too....) it's those negative thoughts playing in a tape in your head at the moment and they spiral way out of control..........I know it's easier said than done, but you do need to try to put the brakes on a bit.....distraction?

Katkins so sorry you are missing your DD. I'm sure your friend is not trying to stop you seeing your daughter, maybe your thinking is playing tricks on you......can you not phone your friend to arrange to see your DD. You say your friend works so presumably she won't be able to take your DD to school and collect her, so you may need to think about how you will manage that - you might need to call on the help of some other friends you mentioned. I really do hope that you get a better service by the time you see someone (presumably a psychiatrist) at the end of this coming week.

Just counted my diazepam -9. So even at two a day not enough if I start them now not sure what to do. To start taking them or wait for it to get worse. Fuvk

Nana we just spoke. We both think it upsets her too much to see me coming and going, so have arranged to see her tomorow. My friend said if I wanted to see her I could, can arrange, but she's settled now so see her when I've seen the doctor tommorow (going to the go) so than at least I cam say have been to see doctor to her. My diapazem runs out tommorow, and I'm still hearing whispering and seeing things like ghosts and people. My friend is an academic; I was worried about that work and stuff. She says not wanting to disrupt her life is not a good enough reason to not give her the little one. Her partner is also retired , so there a lot. She says work us flexible this time of year, and had to convince me to give her daughter. A lot.

I think you're doing the right thing Katkins and putting your daughter's needs first, even though you are really missing her. Your friends are obviously much older than you and they are people you can trust. You need friends like this when you are struggling with mental health problems.

Lem I don't know what else anyone can say - I don't think you can expect to feel better until you know what's what and I know I always go to worse case scenario. Is your apt on Thursday?

That sounds like a very kind friend, Katkins It must be very difficult being apart, hugs.

Good luck with the GP tomorrow.

That sounds very tricky, LEM - how many days do you need to cover?

How are things now, NN and all?

I wish the weekend was longer No CPN for a couple of weeks.

It's been mostly a duvet day, at least anger is at bay! Just went out to get some food shopping & now home and back in bed. nana diazepam did help y'day so I'm thinking of taking it again tonight. Hope today has been going well for you.

((( lem ))) ((( katkins ))) & ((( all )))

Hi snowy,

How are you today? If I'm right you see your cpn more regularly than that usually. Do you have things in place over the next few weeks?

I feel better knowing i have the diazepam, i also know there are two tablets at my mums house as well, i am not going to start taking them though as they made me feel very down last time. I am on heightened anxiety but Nana you are right, i wont feel better until thursday - i just have to get through what is a busy week the best i can. Strangely being around my friend who has just had the mastectomy is a great help to me. She is a very calming influence anyway but its helping me cope with what is probably (when i think about it logically) just a scare. The doctor that wrote to my doctor is just reviewing to be on the safe side i think, she said it is was probably related to my injury. Thing is though, we all know what bastard anxiety is like, its like a jump to instant doom at the flick of a switch. nana i did distract myself in the garden, i found a beautiful privet hawk moth and it crawled over my hands quite happily - it was huge!! . Then i knealt in dog shit that one of my dogs sneaked into the grass (they are not allowed on the grass but one keeps getting in!) but didn'trealise so spent the rest of the day walking around with shit on my toes!!! thats got to be lucky hasn't it?

Snowy - i know what you mean, i am calmer at the weekend.

Sounds like you have a wonderful freind there katkins, i always think that lovely people attract lovely friends so thats a testament to you i think. Your DD is in safe hands while you busy yourself getting better.

Love to all on the thread.

Silvery - where are you?

I think I'm supposed to ring the team if things are bad. It's something I find very difficult to do as the voices argue against it.

I dissolved into tears when my CPN came on Fri She is referring me to a psych - my own one can't see me atm (not sure why - holidays perhaps?) I have no idea why I feel like this, unless it's actually the meds doing it to me - sodium valporate can have downer side effects, but CPN seemed ignorant of this (and my source is dr google) - not that I mentioned it to her.

This time I seem to be worrying as well as feeling unable to do anything. I feel like every decision I've ever made in my life was wrong, and have no confidence. Need to clean the house as DD coming for a meal on Weds, and I have the possibility of downsizing by doing house swap with a house near me - but am worrying about the logistics of this. It seems everyone seems to know someone practical who can help - but not me.

Sorry for woefulness.

(((( Silvery )))) I'm feeling like my meds are causing damage too, it's hard for professionals to understand, I think.

Moving house is a very stressful event, anyone finds it challenging.