"Summer is Coming, the Village is warm and safe - support for depression, anxiety and other MH issues"

[LollipopViolet]

New thread, everyone :) First attempt at a thread title for us.

I've just posted on the old one, am really struggling today. Was feeling numb, still do, to be honest. Need to get myself through today.

Hi all .

Hugs, Nana, I hope you get some good support today from CPN. xx
Hi fluffie collared, hope you got some rest CIQ.
LEM hope you're ok

I'm a bit crap, but managing to function minimally. Need to do some work but will be easy data based stuff today, strangely therapeutic as I can do it in my own time really.

DH is off sick with a horrid coldy bug. He's never off work so must be bad : they sent him home from work! WIsh he wasn't! And for selfish reasons partly as I have no resources to spare.
Kids are full of the cold too; the older one is fine but the wee one was up and down all night and only mummy will do . TIred.

Weather to be good here today; seems sill ybut it does lift me a little and sometimes that's just enough.

HUGS all x

Ooh, NAna, just remembered your question: My mood normally starts bad and improves, with a bit of an early afternoon dip when I'm tired - I swear I should be from the Med and have a siesta!

Hi nethuns go for the siesta! When mine were littler I used to put the tv on after lunch for them to watch and then rest my eyes... I find low blood sugar levels late pm dont help me either. Sympathise re dh at home when you need your space too - requires more energy doesn't it?

nana sorry to hear you're feeling bad. Have you started the sertraline? They are likely to increase your anxiety in the short term. Great that you have such a supportive cpn.

I am sooooo exhausted trying to pack for weekend away with dh but have just got back into bed. Tbh would rather have a weekend on my own. We have been very distant for a while and I don't feel our relationship is in a good place so a weekend just the two of us does not inspire me. I'm sure that's contributing to my exhaustion - apathy in there too. Dcs playing nicely so far though thankfully

I hope your cpn is useful, NN. I'm dressed but still in bed :/ feeling rubbish

Hi, posted then couldn't face coming back incase bad things were said sigh I bloody hate anxiety.
Nana you asked about my meds, I'm on fluoxetine. GP thinks because the CPN from perinatal MH has discharged me I'm ready to drop the meds. The only reason perinatal discharged me is they have to start to wind down and discharge once baby turns 6 months.

DS didn't want to leave nursery yesterday when I went to collect him. After 2 weeks he prefers spending time with his key worker than me.

Ah another hugely crap day here - crying most of the morning and getting myself into a real state. My CPN came at 2.00 and bought her colleague with her so that I would know who she was in case I needed her when my CPN on holiday - how kind is that. They were here for 1.5 hours and managed to calm me down a fair bit and they don't think the reduction in meds is related to day 10 of feeling utterly crap, but I still think it is. I start sertraline next week and they warned me I might feel anxious but that I could take 1 or 2 2mg diazepam x 3 per day. Exhausted now.

Oh CIQ I know things have been difficult for you and your DH for quite a long time, so I can understand that the weekend seems more of an ordeal than a pleasure. Hope it goes as well as can be expected.

Snowy so sorry you are feeling rubbish and I know it's harder for you to ignore the voices when you are very depressed. Have you tried listening to music with your headphones on. Hope you're treating yourself to something nice to eat......though I know that doesn't really help with depression - it's pure torment I know. When is your CPN coming in?

RuckandRoll surely you didn't think anyone on this thread would say bad things about you - we're all in the same boat here - though some have more seaworthy vessels than others - coo a watery metaphor, not sure where that came from! I'll have to scroll back to read your posts.

(((( NN )))) I want to tell your headmonster where to go!

I'm listening to music, cpn is coming on Monday. Voices aren't too bad.

I've never seen people say bad things here, try not to worry, or at least question/find evidence for/against...

It's probably the novelty of nursery, not that DS doesn't want to go with you, (((( ruckandroll ))))

Hi all.

Sorry for all who are still feeling crap, it is supposed to be sunny tomorrow and I hope it is. Life is just a tad better when the sun is shining.

I left the house for the first time in days today - and of my own free will! I was invited over to visit a friend I used to work with. She invited another ex colleague over also.

It is such a boost to get an invite when people are aware of the fact you have MH issues.

This is a stark contrast to 2 of my 'close' work colleagues who have taken a step back from me, and have contributed to my further downfall in the past week.

I didn't want to start a thread in relationships, but I would like to ask you all for a little advice... apologies this is going to be slightly long!

Friend A - I have helped her to beyond and back in all her problems in the past 3 years. Hardly a day has gone by when we have not texted each other, and spoken on the phone. I noticed when I was signed off in January her contact was every few days.
She knew in the past few weeks I have been anxious, and struggling badly. Then after my bad day at work last week, subsequently when I was signed off I have not heard a peep from her.
No 'thinking of you' or 'hope you are ok' - nothing.
I will mention at this point she is deputy manager, but we have been close friends since she was the same level as me. It's also probable she has repeated a couple of private remarks I made to her re my MH state to the manager.

I cannot understand why she has abandoned me? I find it do very cruel. Having been her rock for many years. Even when I was going through bleak times, I spent a lot of my time supporting her as she has no family in the UK, and no other flies friends.

It is likely I will return back to work next week. I feel I must address this with her. But do not know what to say or where to start? I do not want to get upset, but it us it is eating me up...

Friend B - Does not seem to 'get' MH issues. Always asking me when I am coming off my meds? Why am I still not right? Etc
It is also likely she has told my manager that I discussed my work situation with a newer colleague. I found this out in a meeting on my last day in before I was signed off.
She does text every few days to see how I am? But the info my manager brought to my attention, no one else but her knew, not even friend A...

My question is should I address this with them individually before returning back to work? Or do it face to face? Also how on earth do I broach the did you talk out of turn about private comments I made?

I don't think that I can ignore this and just say nothing at all to either of them.

Friend A is the one I am most hurt by, but it's all so painful. I don't want to set myself back further

Any advice and honesty is truly appreciated!

Many people are ignorant of MH issues collard i think its because its poorly understood generally, there are no "physical" symptoms - there are, but its vague and there is no treatment regieme that works for everyone and its such a huge umbrella of problems. I also think it scares people. I am very open about my anxiety and depression and have had mixed results - people either back off (a lot of mums wouldnt let me have their kids for play dates etc - like what was i going to do??? ) are "oh you poor thing" - not what i need! or the ones that I value - don't raise an eyebrow or say that they have similar issues or have had. I have to say that i have struggled with my friends illness due to my own anxieties about cancer and have had to force myself to be there for her, we weren't that close really but i didn't want to be one of those people who would avoid her for fear of not knowing what to say or it somehow affecting me (mad!) I have done this for myself as much as her. It would have been very easy for me to have stepped back. Sometimes i still want to :( I would have a frank discussion with Friend A and explain to her that you havne't changed, you are still the person you were before the anxiety took hold and that you hope it wont affect your friendship - thats all you can do, balls in her court then.

Friend B sounds thoughtless - maybe the sort that means well but doesn't engage her brain before she talks/acts? likes a bit of drama ? you don't necesarily need those sort of people in your life so keep it on a general level with her?

Learning to care less what other people think has helped me immensely - but it still bothers me sometimes, not so much about the MH issues but that people think im a failure I almost feel i have to justify not working in some high flying job.

CiQ - i hope that you manage to find some pleasure in the weekend with your DH, i know things have been difficult for a while.

Am sorry you are in a house of grollies (colds and bugs) nethuns and everyone around - i love having my DD around but this week am craving some time on my own, it has been very busy but i feel like have been in a fog, fluctuating between treacle and heightened anxiety.

Ruckandroll no one judges on this thread - seriously, i don't think there has ever been cross words and its lovely because people share so much of themselves. You sound like your self esteem is pretty low just now - i hope you start to feel better soon. Sorry, i don't remember your original post, my life is manic at present as is this thread, its so good to seel all the new faces but hard to keep up sometimes :)

Snowy - i am sorry your voices are playing you up, I will tell them to fuck off to the far side of fuck and take Nananina's and my headmonsters with them! sorry for the bad language but sometimes these things need to be told where to go!

Nana - i am sorry that you are feeling so rubbish today :( Please don't feel bad that you are not able to reach out to everyone on the thread - its difficult, there are a lot of us these days, which is a good thing - i believe we all get so much from these threads. I take great comfort from all of your posts even if they aren't aimed directly at me, your words are very wise and considered, you don't pull any punches and thats good - so sometimes even if im not posting im reading what everyone writes and i take away comfort from that. It means so much to me. I read your post on the adoption thread, that poor woman :( but you were so kind. I think you under estimate yourself you know! So! have told your head monster to take mine and fuck off with Snowy's voices!

Dumdum - did i read that you have just started on citalopram too? i do find this helps me very much - but the first few days were a bit crap. Im sure you are aware of this with new meds but do hang on in there.

Sorry if ive missed anyone.

Have had splitting headache all week, but today has been a less treacley better day - new school shoes bought for dd and i got a pair of bargain converse boots for £26 - less than half price so very chuffed about that - how shallow is that? but sod it, i'll take the happy, even if it is over a pair of shoes! Anxiety is probaby at level 6/10 which means festering just below the surface all the time, probably why im so headachy.

Love to all xxx

(((( collardove LEM and all )))) I don't have any wise words tonight, but thinking of you all.

Snowy - you are a lady of few words, but the words you choose are always good ones and heartfelt so they mean alot xx

To be totally frank collardove I think your "friendship" with Friend A is fraught with difficulties, given that she is the deputy manager. You are fairly sure that she has repeated things that you have said to her about your MH condition to your manager, and this is not the action of a true friend. I think you said your manager wasn't sympathetic to your MH problems so you don't need anyone making the situation worse.

I can well understand how hurt you are that she has cut you adrift after all the support you have given her. She sounds like she has "bled you dry" and since you haven't been able to continue with your support of her, she is no longer interested in you. I think this shows the sort of person she really is, selfish and self absorbed. She doesn't deserve your friendship. I'm also wondering if this dep man and the manager have had conversations about you and maybe the manager has told her not to contact you - I don't know - that seems unlikely, but there seems to be a lot of "talking behind people's backs" at your place of work.

What to do about it............well you could return to work and not make any comment - be polite but distant. OR you could be straight and say something like "I've been a bit/really hurt that you haven't bothered to contact me while I've been off sick" I'd probably go for the second option.

Friend B - you don't need a "friend" like this - she sounds highly insensitive and ignorant of the fact that 1 in 4 people will suffer from MH problems at some time in their life. People who "don't get MH" - uuuuuuuuurgh I wish them just a few days of mental illness so they do "get it" Again you can't trust this friend as you are fairly certain that the issues your manager raised with you, could only have come from Friend B, and real friends don't behave like this.

I think you said in one of your earlier posts that you had confided in a new member of staff (sorry if I've got that wrong) I'm wondering if you are maybe too trusting of people and confide in them too readily, as both of these friends appear to have carried tales back to the manager that you had told them "in confidence"

IF you confront one or either of them, please don't do it by text or e mail. Do it face-to-face and try to stay calm and rational (even though you won't be feeling like that) and to be honest I think if you start asking "who said what to who" things may become even more convoluted and more painful for you, as they will not doubt deny that they had said anything and blame someone else, and you could end up going around in circles and more tales might be fed back to the manager.

Why not try to "rise above it" and make it a rule not to confide in anyone with whom you are working as this has caused you difficulties. You may well have other friends in whom you can confide.

I know how horrible it is to feel let done by friends but I think in the interests of your own mental health, you really don't need any confrontations and maybe arguments. You need to be able to settle back into your job with a resolution not to confide in anyone else at work.

Well that's my view for what it's worth

Aaaaa Lem thank you for your kind words - much needed tonight as I am feeling so crap. Yes I saw you on that adoption thread - I think you know my career was in social work (managing a Fostering & Adoption Team) for the last 15 years of my time with the LA. Someone PMed me to ask if I could post to the OP and so I did, but as I think I said I had upset some adopters (picked up on use of words, would you believe) so I had decided to stay away, but couldn't add very much to the other posts. I go on the Fostering and Legal sites quite a lot and have been able to help people on Family Law , but I have never before admitted I had a MH issue before.

I always feel surprised when I see Villagers posting on other threads!!

Thinking of you too Snowy - hope you get a good sleep and a better day tomorrow x

Lem, NanaNina and Snowy - thanks for reading my ramble!

It is great to be able to take advice from you all who know exactly how I may be feeling...

I was considering texting my feelings to both of them before going back to work. But I will not do that now.

You are right Lem I must have a frank discussion especially with friend A.

NanaNina you rightly pointed out I must do it face to face. I think that is the what I was thinking, but my head was telling me to do it under the cover of a text message...

I do feel 'bled dry' by friend A. NanaNina yes I really don't think she is deserving off my friendship anymore.

Friend B - well as NanaNina said if only she could be in our shoes for a few days....

I will no longer confide in anyone either.

I feel immensely better for reading and rereading your posts in answer to mine. Your answers make me draw strength, and I sometimes in life no matter how old you are it is good to be told what to do ;)

blimey i am missing so much....

sorry guys. ifeel like im neglecting my duties!

im a bit sad really - i feel like these threads are my spiritual home and im missing so much on them now....

its a good sign that ive moved on but i feel quite attached....
half of you wont even know what im on about!
(i began these threads many moons ago....)

on a good note i had my works appraisal today.
no issues. nothing. im good. my work is good and im seen as an all round good egg.
new sergeant - he takes no prisoners (very good thing) and thinks im doing just fine.
funnily enough i feel very supported by everyone other than my own colleagues.....was drawn in for a chat iwth another supervisor today who has been my agony aunt...and a colleague from another group asked what was going on and was very very supportive. as are most people i come across. its just my own group who are a bunch of total weirdos!
never mind....ill get there in the end.
ongoing saga with DS is taking its toll.....he is very down. (he has AS and was suspended from work after telling them of his AS....so battle lines have been drawn and im fighting his corner....)

apart from that!!!!
im good.

is ED still around?
apologies now - ive not read everthing - selfish of me but i will recap and go back and read.....
just needed to post - will catch up with you all.

Hugs to everyone. Hope you are all having a decent weekend. Sorry, I've not been managing to keep up with everyone, trying to push through property sale, organise house move, DH offshore for 3 weeks... Think I have just made an utter idiot of myself. Just called the out of hours helpline because my leg feels weird (how are you supposed to know when to call them anyway?) like it has an elastic band around it. No pain or anything, just feels weird. And of course I googled it last night (and did the nhs symptom checker which said ring an ambulance ) which was not a good idea. The doctor should call back in 30 mins, she did say I could go to the pharmacy and ask there for advice, but DD is asleep and I don't think I would get DS to agree to go out again. I shall have to ask DH when he gets back (he's been out since 7). She told me to try a cold shower (why, why, why?) and sit with my legs up. I've adopted the second suggestion. I should be cleaning. Sigh. I told DH I would clean and sort DS's room today, I hope he won't be too annoyed if I haven't done it when he gets home...

(((( vicar )))) I'm glad work is going better sorry about your DS' work though good to her from you.

I hope your leg is nothing serious TUL

I've gone back to bed

Snowy - I am with you on that!

I have been up for an hour, the little bit of morning sun has all but gone.

I am sure the world will not miss me if I go back to my bed for a little while longer....

Hi Vicar - you're always welcome you know as I still think of this as "your" thread. Strange that you should pop up as I found your other thread last night and read it all.....my god the trials and tribulations you and DS have been/are going through. Glad to see you got some excellent advice along the way from a lawyer in employment law. MN rocks! Also read about your continuing colds and chest infections - hope they've cleared now and glad to hear all is well on the job front(!) there have been so many ups and downs/twists and turns but it seems to have settled. Just hope DS gets sorted now. AS is such a sod because it's one of those disabilities that are invisible. I have a step grandson with quite severe AS but is still at school so god knows what the future holds for him. He too is into computers in a big way but gets bullied at school because he is "different" ..........

Haven't seen Ed for ages - she posted very briefly a few weeks ago.

I am feeling a fair bit better today after 10 horrendous days - still feel anxious about the meds change - starting next week I continue to reduce imipramine but start adding sertraline, in the hope that it brings some improvement as this year has been awful so far.

HelloTUL I'm sure your leg will be ok........I do worry though that you seem to be so dominated by your DH.

Snowy hello - if bed seems the best place then why not........I don't know about you but for me the emotional pain eases a bit when I am under the duvet, or a nice blanket. If I go back to bed in the day I lie under my "summer blanket" and wrap it all around me, and somehow I feel safer when I am so anxious. One of my cats is very attached to me and likes to lie on the bed with me.....I'm not a mad cat woman - I only have two!

I've just heard that next door were burgled last night - seems like they broke in to get the car keys and stole the car - a big posh one. Somehow think my little old bashed about Fiesta should be ok, but am a bit anxious about break-ins.

I hope bed helped, collardove, if you went back.

I'm glad you're feeling a fair bit better, NN! I do have a blanket which I curl up on the sofa with.

That's anxiety inducing re: the burglary, I hope they find the people who did it.

Hi, can I join? I'm a long time lurker on the MH board, had a few name changes too. I'm diagnosed with bipolar type 1 (mixed episodes) but suffer really bad anxiety day to day. My anxieties revolve around knowing what to wear and what to cook, cooking and dressing myself are daily tortures. I'm also 25 weeks pregnant with a 2.5yo DS. I normally take lithium but due to the pregnancy am on chlorpromazine and sertraline.

Welcome TwosaCrowd This is a good place to post.