Psychomum in need of support please.

[Flamesparrow]

Psychomum has just returned from the doctors. She had a car crash 12 weeks ago, and hasn't been the same since - on painkillers for pains, but also in herself she has deflated

Yesterday (after I blew up at her and yelled lots - due to my own tiredness etc, she just happened to be my target ) she cried a lot, and myself and another friend made her a doctors appointment.

Today she was marched to said appointment (with the other friend), still muttering that she didn't see anything wrong with her and why she should go. She got there and everything came pouring out - how low she is feeling, how she feels that everyone hates her, and how much she wants to stop hurting, and go back to being a normal friend, mother and wife.

She has come home with a prescription for mirtazapine, and sleeping tablets if the first ones don't help with the sleep as well.

She needs support from all angles, but doesn't feel able to write about it herself yet (she knows I am writing this).

This has been so hard to watch, I haven't known what to do or how to help (although we have now established that yelling at her isn't the way to go ), even though I have been through depression myself, I feel so useless.

She doesn't want to be on ADs - family history is making her convinced that she is insane if she is given medication - please can all of you nice sane people on them/who have been on them come and show your faces so she can be reassured.

I want my bubbly friend back.

Sorry but Hijacking the thred a min.

How and where do venture do them on line? We could only get the free one as the finance got turned down and I loved the ones we saw of the kids. SIL bought the shoot for us as a crimbo prezzie.

its yourventure.co.uk and they give u a password and user name

(sorry psycho)

tis ok......i need to go shower anyway and still can't motivate myself...

am off now

how did it go earlier?

How are you today? Is it today that your bedroom arrives? I am very I am still struggling with the furniture we pinched from our parents when we moved out 9 years ago all of which is at least 20yrs old and was from mfi or somewhere similar so is all falling appart

hi there all

much batter day today. Got our new bedroom delivered and went out with our anniversary money (PIL's gave some, as did my friends nan), and got some new bedding. Am going to have cream walls, maple built-in furniture, and then deep red and gold bedding......am gonna have a haven to escape too.....YAY.

also had my week review at the doctors. had to go alone as we had no-one to have the kiddies while I went with the friend who took me last week......doctor was a little concerned, and I was very nervous, but it went well. I cried a little, and admitted to her about how much things about my mother affect me, and also about the abuse, which unsurprisingly wasn't in my records as I know it was all hushed and hidden by my aunt as (in her words to me at the age of 16) "it was all encouraged by you anyway"..... not something admitted to anyone before until last night amongst many tears to the friend staying. The doctor was rightly shocked, and so is my friend...(not flame, and apologies flame......not leaving you out of this in any way....tis just something penny said and it all tumbled out!!!!).

well......upshot is....I have got a referall for counselling which should be thro within about 4wks....in the meantime I am to go back in two weeks to the same doctor and we go from there.

She, and I, both said that I am much better with the help from sleeping. Last week apparently they were extrememly concerned with just how exhausted I was.....many others would have collapsed long before and yet I was still stumbling along. She said I was a very strong woman, and also commended me on what a wonderful mother I was . She said that with the upbringing I have revealed to her I would have been lucky not to have ended up the same type of person as my mother.....let alone be a 'well-adjusted mother and woman'(still trying hard to believe her on that but she said that I must....if I can beleive the bad things my aunt has said, how can I not believe the nice things others say???....am guessing that it is true what they say.....the bad stuff is always so much easier to belive)

I am proud of the things she said.....they said that as a practise (I have been with them since my DD1 was born!), they are very impressed with how I have coped with the childrens needs, and also all the other things that have happened to me.....my health during pregnancies, my car accidents (altho obviously the last one was the trigger for my depression), and my illnesses otherwise.(I seem to also have a low immune threshold for illnesses).
It has to be said tho....I do struggle with accepting that I am doing well.....it is hard to see it when immersed in the day-to-day grind of parenting.

BUT, on the whole, since last week's 'breakdown', I am feeling so much more like 'me' again......I am able to read again, altho not as much as with ten kiddies there is no time.....any and all spare time is spent on mumsnet....my life-line and support.
I am so looking forward to having my new bedroom, long awaited for for 13yrs, and having 'me space'. AND....being able to have all my books in easy reach (I have oover 1000 me thinks)
also.....I am giving much heart felt thanks for the support this last week.....having the ability to have a vent for my feelings, altho to be honest I haven't posted all that I have written....some has been hard reading but to be able to write it helped, even if I did delete!!!

knowing that there are others out there going thro, or feeling, the same.....even if we don't have the same life experiences, the symptoms of depression are similar, and our worries about coping with our children and husbands and friends and also other members of our families are the same(IYGWIM?).....knowing that, helps.....i wouldn't wish these feelings of not being liked on anyone, but it helps to know that I am not alone in feeling paranoid.

I am rambling a little I fear now so am going to sign off....but thankyou....I am 'getting there'.....small steps but positive ones.

thankyou all....xxxxxx

Shouldn't you be sleeping?
Glad to hear things are settling down, and that you got a counselling referral.

Doctors don't tell you nice things about how you are a strong woman and a good mother unless they believe it to be true.

Sleep well....

lol....yes I should...have written this and then been lurking while waiting for the tab to take effect, which in fact has as I feel bloody sleepy now.

night night....xxxxx

So glad to see that you are getting back to your old self. Little steps are good ones to take. Your new bedroom sounds heavenly and well-deserved. Take care of yourself and remember I'm always online at this time of night if you ever want to chat. Take care. Sending love from Colorado

psychomum hope i'm not intruding as i don't know you.
Have spent ages reading the posts on this thread and i really feel for yo.
You've been through so much, you poor thing.
I've been on AD's for about 6 years and hardly anyone knows about it.
People don't know unless you tell them.
You will get side effects from thembut they usually go after a couple of weeks.

Please do not compare yourself to your mother, you will be a better mum to your children.

I know 1st hand what its like to be around someone who has schizophrenia and it can be bloody scarey, especially if its not properly controlled by medication.

Hope everything works out for you and i wish i could give you a big hug, as when i was at my low points in life sometimes that was all that i wanted, but because i never told people how i was feeling i never got the hugs i needed!

Life will turn around for you and you willget through this. xx

Huge hug pm glad the bedroom arrived it sounds heavenly. I need to move mine round to fit our books in as well.

Glad to hear that you are making progress. Small steps really are best to begin with. I am also glasd to hear that you are finaly getting some sleep.

Listen to the GP, they don't lie about parenting skills.

Glad they are reffering you for councelling. It's a big step and a bit scary at first but please persevere(SP)as it feels so much better to go and spend some time with a complete stranger who is not there to judge but to help and unload the emotional baggage.

I am still praying that you find peace, you will never forget and forgivness may not be possible but inner peace would be nice.

norning

quickly reading these post, you ned to have a break from your destructive family, your mother,her husband, your unt..each of them has a warped perception of reality where as you are absolutely right but their behaviour is making you question yourself...you do not need these people around you at least while you are trying to gain some of yourself back, these can not helpfully contribute to it and should be put to one side. long term, i think they need to stay there?, but its your family, not mine(we dont see my dp's mother, brother, father not seen in years, see my mum once a week, father last seen 11 years ago and brother over a year..there are all destructful people who just bring us down), we, maybe like you, really want family round us and our dd but at what cost?..you sound like you have enough on your plate without extra hassle of them.
can you give hosp and proper friends a mobile number, or get number changed and make sure hosp get it?, think it would be worth while and dont let anyone into your home who you dont feel comfortable with, write them letters if you think it will help saying regardless of what they think, you need time to yourself and will be in touch when you feel ready.i already know they prob wont 'get' that..but hey ho! its your life, dont let them ruin it..hope you have a good day sweetheart

How are you doing hon? Bedroom nice? Still got a houseful?

hi all.

sorry for the absence, and lack of replies.....been very busy with organising my new bedroom

it is lovely....still not quite finished tho. still have got the sort and move the radiator, and also one wall needs replastering and got to await that before the corner wardrobe is put up. Having said that tho.....all the furniture up is fantastic, and my new bedding looks lovely...and is very nice to sleep in too.

and that is the other thing I have been doing. My friend who has been staying has gone to her inlaws for the weekend, and her elder kiddies are with their real father for this week (this is her second marraigge) and so she is with her mum until they return and then she is back here.
In the meantime tho I have been sleeping, sleeping and more sleeping. slept in till midday the past three days, and then asleep again by 10.30pm, along with a sleep in the day on saturday....double.

Am guessing that the tabs have kicked in proeprly and I am able to catch up on the sleep factor properly....and am feeling lots better by the day.

my aunt did come over again on saturday, which wasn't welcome, altho it was for a short time and was in part to bring over two packs of laminating sheets to replace the ones she used up on all the photos she had me print. DH was here tho (altho he did hide upstairs), but she didn't say anything nasty this time so all was kind-of ok.

and otherwise.....we have all been out to dinner tonight and yet again I am knackered and hear my lovely new bedroom a-calling so am off there soon again.

another plus (well, not really but you'll get my meanign)....got all the uniforms and new shoes sorted last friday too so am all sorted for them going back....just got to label everything now!!!!!

All is looking up again, am just a little guilty of the lack of proper holiday they have had this time, but there are other hols to be had, and they at least have been relaxed and non-stressed with running about everywhere.

xxxx

so nice to hear u sounding muchmore positve

keep on sleeping honey

So glad you are feeling a bit brighter. Sleep is a magic cure.

One holiday with less activity is no hardship for kids. They will benefit from you being rested and less stressed.
Take care...

hey

am off to bed really.....am just replying to emails and checking back here before I'm off.

sleep does seem to be the magical cure, and i really think it was the ;ack of sleep that spiralled me so badly. I'm obviously not 'ok' still tho, i realise that, and counselling will hopefully give me some peace over all my childhood issues, but sleep is giving me the much needed 'me-ness' back to be the mummy I am normally and so need to be again. the children come first in all of this and it is for them that I am so keen to get me sorted.

obviously I am still wanting to be a good wife and friend again, but the children don't understand what is wrong with me in the way that my DH does, not my friends, and so they have to the insentive(IYGWIM?). and also it is just not fair for them to have a mummy who is ill.....i never ever want that for them, I had it enough, they are not going to go thro that!

anyhoo......I am getting better and things are getting back to normal and I am having visitors tomorrow (MoM, you need to love nearer).

I am now off to bed, so goodnight all, and i'll be back tomorrow evening.

xxxx

night psycho ((((psycho))) xxx

So glad to hear that your feeling so much better.

I always find that if i'm in control and have things around me sorted, then i feel a lot calmer, but as soon as i don't feel in control, i start to feel crap again!!!!

Keep it up and enjoy it.

Don't worry about the kids, i'm sure they're just happy to have a happy mum.

Just popped in to see how you are. Hope everything is still going well and you are still getting your sleep. Take care.

hi....still about, just very very busy[arrggghhhhhhhhh]

I have been so hectic these past few days that this is literally the first time I have got on the computor!!!

Yesterday I had friends visiting and cooked luch three times....once for 18 kiddies(eeek), then again for three mummies, and again cos the mummies dinner got burnt.

Then today I have had the plumber in this morning to sort and fix a new radiator, and then been here, there and everywhere it seems, only being home between for feeding of monsters, and DH, and then I have just been to tesco for the last few school bits (which came to £97 for so little), and then home to find DH in bed, boys running riot withe the biscuit tin (seeing as daddy was asleep and not watching), and dinner stuff still on the side for me to wash and clean......(girls were with me as it was all their bits I was getting). so much for coming home to peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and now I have the pleasure over the next few days of naming clothes for all five, sorting the bags, luchboxes, pencils and cases etc, and all the other paraphenerlia(sp?).
I seriously regret having five at the return to school I can tell you....(well, you know I don't really mean that, but all together I have probably 150+ items to name).

On top of that, saturday is going to be spent in the opticians as I forgot the return to school eye tests and the two eldest need glasses as do I (well, I should, I fail to most of the time), and then I now need to get the rest checked as I haven't yet to my failing. can you imagine me and five kiddies and no DH.....I can and it isn't a pleasant imagining.

Ho hum......I get some sleep and my life goes on fast track all over again....and my friends wonder why I am stressed!!!!!

and then not only is school back on, but also the dancing, which is all five aswell....and that is on fast forward to as I had a phonecall today to 'remind' me about the dance display at castle point on saturday too, which needs the two elder girls, and I swear they didn't tell me that one....as if I don't have enough already saturday....(oh yeah, got the plasterer too saturday, and DH is working so.........arghhhh).

Honestly, my hair is going grey by the second.

oh, almost forgot....between all that I have been doing, I have had both elder girls having friends over for sleep-overs, taken five girlies to two different films at the pictures (well, drop off and pick up, but still more running about), and had my friends twins and her 7yr old to babysit while she has had solicitors app. and bank etc as her moving in date is next week. Wonderful for her, but scary too as that is something else to be doing.........

one day I will be calm....one day......

Hi psychomum was just wodering, what do you do in your spare time??????????
(only joking)!!!

I thought i always have loads to do with my three, do you ever stop?

I've been sat sewing in name labels tonight, still have loads to do.

Kids get there own pencil cases sorted, because according to them, i never put things in the right place!!!!!!

You must be able to get the kids to help in some way.

Just think of how quiet your house will be when they go back to school.

Hi Psychomum, just giving my support haven't been here for couple of weeks going crazy with my sister's wedding just sending my love and support to you!...glad you're feelin better thinking about getting some ADs for myself...lol..(no,really!) take it easy babe.x

am up already after the most hidious night

some neighbours decided to pull a riot at 1am.....leading to 5 (yes, 5!) police cars turning up and huge massive fighting and screaming in the street.

didn't calm down until well past 3am, and the only bright thing out of it all was that the kiddies slept thro it.

DH and I did move the boys into our room tho, as they are at the front and it was beneath their window that the police were.....

Niether of us could settle after that, and I was still awake anyway at one so I have had about 2hrs....and after my AD that isn't good as it is a sleepy one too....i feel quite strange now but simply cannot stay in bed.

already I have spent an hour just going round gathering all the school bits up from each room and downstairs, and I have yet to get into the attic for all the bits that had been grown out of to see who they might do for.

kiddies are still sleeping tho so at least I am alone for now.

sat here with my coffee at the moment

Am going to a friends for lunch today. and she has a mahooosive garden so the kiddies can run and play and we can catch up....she has been in spain the past 4wks , and so knows nothing of how I have been.....I am hoping we'll get to talk.

and then tonight I am (hopefully) finally going to see the Venture photos we had done (have had to cancel the last 2 app. as I haven't been up to going).....see....the fun never stops[argghhhhhh].

ah well....best be off if I am going to get any work done today!!!!

have good days all, and in reply to pussyinboots.....i really do think that, for me, AD's have helped immensly.
still not liking that I am on them but now I have managed to sleep and so feel more clear headed, i realise that they are helping and I am at least staying relitively calm.

DH is calling them my 'stress pills' tho.....a much more apt name me thinks going oin the past few days.

that said, these past fews days are actually my normal....i do never stop!!!!!

and there we go.....foot steps on the stairs....my cue to go.

bye all and have good days

Hi psycho. I've only just seen this (don't always manage to get online much at the mo).(((Hugs))) from me.

(Just want to let you know that reading this has helped me cos I'm struggling with stuff at the moment too just trying to convince myself to make a dr's appt)