Psychomum in need of support please.

[Flamesparrow]

Psychomum has just returned from the doctors. She had a car crash 12 weeks ago, and hasn't been the same since - on painkillers for pains, but also in herself she has deflated

Yesterday (after I blew up at her and yelled lots - due to my own tiredness etc, she just happened to be my target ) she cried a lot, and myself and another friend made her a doctors appointment.

Today she was marched to said appointment (with the other friend), still muttering that she didn't see anything wrong with her and why she should go. She got there and everything came pouring out - how low she is feeling, how she feels that everyone hates her, and how much she wants to stop hurting, and go back to being a normal friend, mother and wife.

She has come home with a prescription for mirtazapine, and sleeping tablets if the first ones don't help with the sleep as well.

She needs support from all angles, but doesn't feel able to write about it herself yet (she knows I am writing this).

This has been so hard to watch, I haven't known what to do or how to help (although we have now established that yelling at her isn't the way to go ), even though I have been through depression myself, I feel so useless.

She doesn't want to be on ADs - family history is making her convinced that she is insane if she is given medication - please can all of you nice sane people on them/who have been on them come and show your faces so she can be reassured.

I want my bubbly friend back.

awwww......thankyou all so much for taking the time to reply here........flame was the one who typed as she explained ealier. I have been feeling low for a while, but I had a phone call last week which I think was the catalyst for all this, and altho in fact much of this has been building since childhood, some also has been building since lst year.

Am gonna admit now as I am fed up of coping and hiding without being honest, so pease bear with me if I am garbled, but it needs to be out. Lots came out today that shocked my friends at how much I had been hiding (IYSWIM)......

here goes....

was born addicted to heroin.....mum and dad both addicts and alcoholics. For some reason I was smiled on and am (as far as I can tell), pretty normal.

went into care from 18mths as dad abandoned me and my mother in france after both going on benders on LSD while in a commune.....mum went to the first of her 'homes'.

aunt then took me in.......she not the most stable tho to bring me up happily

went back to my mothers breifly as she fell pregnant with my half brother, and she was then well.

got abused by my stepdad......pretty horrid stuff culminating in him raping me with his hand and other objects, altho not his penis (not that that is a consilation I know......and oh god am crying now)...

went back to my aunts and then went into my teens slightly screwed, got a minor eating issue (which is now back and am now finding sz 8 falling off me)....also tried some solvents and alcohol......luckily not for me, and I didn't do drugs......shoping is a small addiction tho. oooh.....and also had to go round friends for clothes at the w/ends as only had school uniform (as aunt was rather tight with the care money for me)....leading to me now overcompensating with the kiddies clothes.

met DH at 16 and he and his mum helped me get to wear I am now.....along with all my fabulous friends.....even if they do yell.

Oh, and my family havbe now disowned me for haivng my kiddies which is hurting like hell, even if I don't really like them. feel very guilty for sayinh this, but at times can hate it when my friends can go to their mums when I have no-one of my own who accepts me for me (IYSWIM?).

then last year....and here is the straw that broke me.......DH had an affair, caught something, and gave it to me. there is more to it than this breif passage but that is still very raw

and here is me......screwed but I hope to think a good friend. and now feeling less bouncy

pyscho, what a lot to deal with. HAve you had any counselling? My own upbringing was not without its traumas, although not on your scale at all & I found counselling really helpful.
I also take ADs & they are a life saver for me, literally. Its not like the old days where you turn into some kind of drugged zombie, I just feel strong & positive about life when I take them.
Big hug to you & to Flame for being a good friend to you.

hiya
i have been on the same tabs and all the others too..i got to the very last type available when they told me they couldnt prescribe anything else, none of them helped..it was then i realised it wasnt all pnd, but normal(if theres such a thing?) depression and ive asked for some counselling(childhoohd issues with me tho)...i was dead against A.D's, but theyre not forever, they never hurt me, just made me realise i was going round asking why i couldnt be me again when the only person who could do that is me...thye cleared the fog from my head and gave me a light in order to get my way out of my rut..with the g.ps help and my referel to counselling, things are becoming clearer..and no offense but talking to a friend for me has never been as enlightening as talking to a counseller..you dont have to hold anything back, they wont take your side or the person who made you cry for bumping their trolly into you in supermarket(hand up here)..they help you put things into perspective.
sleep is a massive issue, so the sleeping tablets may help a lot, but i think with the right a.d's, some good sleep and maybe a referal to counselling from your g.p youll be the old you again..sometimes we just need to take a step back and realise we can change things, but i know that that fog in your head can be thicker than mud.
hope this has made some sense as i typed as i thought and im not very good at explaining myself.

Good luck sweetie..YOU CAN DO IT
xxx

sweetheart, i didnt read your last post there.
counselling is a definate must for you..my upbringing (and i use that term loosely)was uncannily similar in a lot of ways.
like is aid a counselling can help more than a friend, but if you do need another ear to listen, ill be here for you..

Oh Psychomum

Want to give you a huge hug. You have really been through it. I wish I could say something helpful, except, taking the AD's will help. Talking will help. Accepting all the support thats offered to you will help.

Hopefully us lot on here can help too.

You are so brave to post all that. It must have been very difficult.

xxx

Message withdrawn

Ohhh pyscho - what alot of baggage to have to carry round. The ad's are a wheeled suitcase to help with the load, ask for a refferal for councelling and keep the appointment when it arrives. See the councelling sessons as unloading items from your suitcase and easing your burden. To start with councelling is difficult because it is so hard to talk about the issues that have bought you there in the first place however after a few sessions it is possible to feel the benefit of going and to walk out feeling that little bit lighter.

YOU CAN WORK YOUR WAY THROUGH ALL OF THIS WITH AD's, SUPPORT AND LOTS OF LOVE.

Oh yes yes yes yes to getting enough sleep. AD's will help you to do that too, because one of teh big symptoms of depression is insomnia.

Also, a minor point it may seem, but a 'name change'?

Alot of my work is involved in building self-esteem, and self-regard is obviously key. Having to type your handle each time you log on cannot be uplifting??

YOu need lots of sleep. I agree exersice is also good as it helps release feel good hormones (endorphins). ON saying that does anyone want to look after an 11 month old who is teething or do my nightshifts at the supermarket so I can practice what I preach and get some sleep?

Well done for getting all that out. It cant easy but be assured you are heading in the right direction. Keep going...

Oh Psychomum, what a load of crap you have had in your life

I hope that your beginning to talk about it will be the first step towards coming to terms with it all and you will begin to feel better in yourself.

Lots of love and luck to you.

WOW - you have been through such a lot. I have only "known" you here for a short time but I like you! (I lurk a lot and post a bit)

The ADs will help you get back to yourself. My sis was on them for PND and they did help.

HOWEVER - please please have some counselling. I loved the suitcase analogy - it is exactly right.

We are all here for you - feel free to rant/chat whatever here whenever you like.

Hugs

Flame you are fab friend (apologies for worse thqn usual typing- toddler on lap)

Having watched my beloved DH suffer very severe depression, I just wanted to say that IMO AD's are a gift from above and not something to be ashamed of. They literally saved the life of my DH- how can that be not a good tjing?

I am also a firm believer that lack of sleep is enough to triggger depression in itself (it dos for me and DH anyway) and taking sleeping pills whilst on shift has kept DH on a level playing field for some time now, with only a few minor stumbles (sorry for the silly analogies- like Is aid toddler...brain imploding)

take care of yourself and remember that you are one of many, many people with a prescription for medication. So many people you'd nevr even guess had depression take them, and you know why you'`d never guess? coz trhey take them

take care

(and with that history please get some counselling, you've been amazing to cope so well. Dh has been abandoned by both aprents too, albeit as an adult- ironically coz in their divorce each believes he foavoured the toher side!!!. Childhood issues really do contribute to who you are- again Dh had a rather odd one, nothing like yours though. But if you managed to survive all that, you're going to beat this)

And please don't be ashamed about the eating problems. You're not the only one on here and ther are others (me inckuded) whocan support. Mine came back from my teenage days to haunt me when DS1 was dx a while back, they lurk don't they?

ooh everyone here is being so nice.

I have never felt able to think that I really could unload here.....I see others doing it and think how ''well done'' of them, but never me. also have felt that it would be like opening a can of worms (for me only understand.......and also felt that others are having a shittier time than me....I am coping you see.....I think I am at least!!!), but the phone call last week (from my aunt incidently who has apparently disowned me but still feels the need to ring and yell occasionally, which was the trigger so it seems).

anyway......am feeling a wee bit loved......flame really has been the best, along with my other best friend who I am feeling so bad about going thro what she is and now me cracking[sob].....

VVVQV.....read your black hole story and it makes los of sense altho am looking forward to it making more sense again once I climb out.

and also........altho the I have been to the docs lots since the accident and said about the sleeping issues, it was the fact that I was sobbing the most about not being able to read anymore that was the catalyst for them doing the script......and maybe the scary me too and the friends there telling them that I am not me anymore

also need to add......

I am still with DH....we worked things out as I still know and feel that he loves us and he is a fab daddy (and husband apart from this hiccup), so there was never any other option than to get thro it, but I not sure if I had made that understood from my garbled post earlier......and maybe I am still garbled.

another Q......is it ok to take these AD's while still on the painkillers?????

am self bumping.....haven't been brave enough to take tabs yet as I not wanting to over medicate on top of the volterol and tramadol.....

am I gonna be ok......am very very frightened here

Psycho, u will be fine/. It will take time and gentleness, and probably a lot of hiding if i know u at all. BUT if you keep on talking things through and dealing with them little by little you CAN be ok. You ARE allowed

Don't be frightened,we're here for you. Why don't you ring GP in the morning to check if the ADs will be ok with painkillers.
Your GP knows that you have painkillers so I wouldn't expect they would have prescribed them if it wasn't safe.
I think you have done really well to tell us what you have been going through.
We will support in anyway we can. Just type away.

thankyou MoM

I am okish.......flame scared me yesterday with the yelling but she being wonderful and to be fair I am normally great for her when she is bad and she great for me when I am......now we bad together and it went a little pearshaped

BUT.....is it ok for me to takes AD's and painkillers????

i don't know about that, what does the packaging in the ADs say?

heavensis.....never thought that.....am going to now go take them.....wait for the tears tho as I am still fighting it.

am really doing it only to be me again.......normal mummy, wife, friend.....altho am still scared

.....they got to disolve on my tongue.....[blurgh]

They wouldn't of prescribed them if you couldn't take them with the volterol and tramadol hun. If you are still in doubt about this call NHS direct and ask them or ask a pharmacist in the morning. I took ad's with tramadol when I injured my back at work.

Please please take on board the advice about councelling though, I did not have as many issues as you to deal with and had convinced myself that I was coping whilst everything was crumbling round me.