Psychomum in need of support please.

[Flamesparrow]

Psychomum has just returned from the doctors. She had a car crash 12 weeks ago, and hasn't been the same since - on painkillers for pains, but also in herself she has deflated

Yesterday (after I blew up at her and yelled lots - due to my own tiredness etc, she just happened to be my target ) she cried a lot, and myself and another friend made her a doctors appointment.

Today she was marched to said appointment (with the other friend), still muttering that she didn't see anything wrong with her and why she should go. She got there and everything came pouring out - how low she is feeling, how she feels that everyone hates her, and how much she wants to stop hurting, and go back to being a normal friend, mother and wife.

She has come home with a prescription for mirtazapine, and sleeping tablets if the first ones don't help with the sleep as well.

She needs support from all angles, but doesn't feel able to write about it herself yet (she knows I am writing this).

This has been so hard to watch, I haven't known what to do or how to help (although we have now established that yelling at her isn't the way to go ), even though I have been through depression myself, I feel so useless.

She doesn't want to be on ADs - family history is making her convinced that she is insane if she is given medication - please can all of you nice sane people on them/who have been on them come and show your faces so she can be reassured.

I want my bubbly friend back.

Morning, I hope you got some sleep after your horrible day yesterday (I spent all afternoon muttering to myself about caller display! Definitely worth a try, although I don't know what you could do to keep her away in person)

Psychomum, would you listen to your Aunts opinion about anything else on earth? I'm guessing not, because her opinion is obviously rubbish. For some reason, perfectly nice ordinary sensible people will listen to horrible people when it comes to ourselves. My mum had a tendancy to put me down when I was younger (not nastily and I don;t even think she realised she was doing it) until I started to believe that I couldn't do things, that I wasn't sporty, not good enough to be a doctor etc

It took years and a smart counsellor who asked me the obvious question "does the fact that your mother think somethign make it true?". Blindingly obvious really, of course it doesn't, it's just her opinion and doesn;t make anything true.

Same with your aunt, all that her nasty comments show is that she's nasty, doesn't say anything at all about you or your family.

I hope today is looking up for you.

SJ - my point exactly! This woman thinks that socks and sandals are a good look!

how are you today pm? Hope you are managing to get a bit of sleep.

hi all

slightly stressfull few days......am tired and hurting and so am rather grumpy, and today is mine and DH's 13th wedding anniversary and so i want it all to be nice and yet it's not quite there......maybe its just my perfectionism streak doing it rather than the fact that it is off (IYSWIM?).

anyhoo.......still can't get my aunt out of my head despite what everyone says.....guess I need to sleep on it some more.

sleep is still evading me. I can't take the sleeping tabs tho as it just isn't the right time......too many people to be aware of and the AD's make me feel drowsy enough as it is. I have the sleeping tabs tho as back up for the weekend....maybe then I'll try them. Problem is I know from past experience with taking them that one night works wonders....anymore gives me nightmares. Those I don't need!!!!

but.....aside from all that I am feeling a little bit more 'me like'. I am not sure if Flame and my other friend agrees, but I think so.
now am just waiting for the time to go book shopping and all will be hunkydory again.

thankyou all so far for the fab support......just knowing that others out there know and understand how i feel helps enourmously.

psycho, do you take your tablets in the morning or evening?

I take mine in the evening now as they still do the same job but I benefit from the drowsy feeling rather than having to work through it during the day.

psycho, how are you this evening? Not managed to get more thana few mins at once (J poorly) but wanted you to know i am thinking of you

StG...

hi and thanks lots for your messages.....means lots to gets so much support.

I am taking my tabs late in the evening, as that is what the doctor advised as they are also recommended for sleeping issue related depression.
they do help altho they can still take up to 2hrs to kick in.

problem is tho i don't like to take them until all the kiddies are settled and even then I want to have at least an hour downstairs being me rather that mummy (IYSWIM?).

means that tabs are taken about 11pm or a little later if i am also in need of the painkillers....simply because I don't think taking them all at the same time is good. I spread them out.....

anyhoo.....have had a ok-ish evening. DH and I had an arguement, he said that I am always sad and grumpy and moaning a lots......he just hasn't understood tho why I am taking them. I even had to remind him that it was a year ago this week that he 'confessed' his discression....he realised then exactly why I have been the way I am, that it isn't just family, accident, lack of a proper mum, my aunt etc....that it is also do to with him!!!

he was a lot more gentle after that, the many tears probably hinted to how I am too!

we are ok really within our relationship.....he hurt me but we still have a good marraige that is so worth working on......he tho thought that as we had been ok, that meant that I had forgotten. Forgiven, yes, but I'll never forget.

it didn't help that it was just a few days after our anniversary that he told me (tis anniversary today, well, yesterday really)..obviously I am going to therefore remember!!!

anyhoo.....am trying to be a little more positive today so am going to say bye and thanks with a smile

Hmmm... we did sort of skirt round that issue when we took him out for the "chat" - maybe we should have been more blunt!

Yup, much better yesterday afternoon though (morning less so ).

How about a compromise - take pills at 10pm... gives til 12 to kick in, then 8 hours sleep? Its like with Boy - its not just getting you to sleep, its also getting your body to remember how to sleep at proper times iyswim?

Oh Psychomum, huge hugs for you, I have just sat and read through this whole thread I think the thing with your step-dad is something that needs a hell of a lot of work spent on it. I had 18months of counselling for something very similar. (Flame will know what I mean..I think)

Also, can I just say that my friend works in Insurance and the statistics show that after an accident there is something like 80% of people who have depression and life changes. Wether it is the shock of the accident that makes them take stock and revalue their future or it's something within them has changed due to the accident. A friend of ours is a lovely girl, had just got married and was happy, she had a car accident in February, by July she had left her husband, left her job and moved back in to her mums house in her old room and has just been diagnosed with PTS and depression probably all triggered by the accident So take your time and get yourself sorted out, don't rush.. oh and tell your aunt to go fu*k herself!

fairyfly......thankyou.

it is interesting to here the statstics with regards to how accidents can effect you......i had a car accident before, 6yr ago, and it didn't effect me this much.....i don't know why except that maybe it was because this time I saw the car coming to hit me, last time I didn't. Maybe thats made the difference....i know that the sleep issues have come from 'flashbacks', which I was unable to have before seeing as I had nothing to really flashback to (IYSWIM?).

anyhoo.....I am getting there with feeling calmer. DD1 is having some issues with her bestfriend now so she is my worry at the moment. and it is certainly hard work at the moment anyway with all the kiddies going slightly stircrazy from being stuck indoors all the time. Problem being money and poorlyness......ooh yes, was ill with a sick bug yesterday.....am ok today tho so was just a 24hr one it seems.

I think that sleep is the biggest problem, and also not enough time for 'me' on my own......I love having my friends here, don't get me wrong, but with 10 or 12 kiddies obviously they come first. I am looking foward to them going to school in a way.....(not the school runs) but so that I can maybe get to go to a bookstore and just browse.

the pain is still there tho.....that I hate with a passion....and oh, am suddenly aware of silence so on that note am going as maybe I can telephone my solicitor.....fingers crossed the silence stays!!!!

xx

just letting u know i am still thinking of you psycho xxx

(have run out of words for now - sorry )

MoM...thankyou.

a hug is suffice, and a hug for you too as I know you also need them lots.

have spoken to the solicitor......grrr......will be ages to settle the claim and we kind of in need of some money now!!!! Hey ho....will be more appreciated when it comes i guess.

also got three munchkins yelling behind me for foood..........are they never saitisfied.

xxxx

(((psycho))) thank you (and very perceptive too

we live hand to mouth but i think u already know all my tips on money saving lol!

I do, and I also know that by your explainations of how you live, we are well off by comparison!

never simple tho is it.....mind you, one reason we do need some cash is bacause I was lured by 'venture' into having some pictures taken and I am now worrying silly about how to pay for them......and I haven't yet seen said pictures!!!

I just remember yours (you were the reason I did them!)....and how hard it will be for me to say NO to them all......eeek.....

I also had them done in a way because of how I have been feeling and the fact that I want and need something wonderful to celebrate how are family is IYKWIM?!

many hugs winging back

you can get them by finance thats how we pay! I can underatand you wanting something to celebrate. sort of like a look what we look like even though we have a shite year..? you will have to be firm tho when you go, as with more kddies you will no doubt have more pictures!(we got 5 and a big un inc the free one)

Wasn't meaning to say we were worse off than you! just that i hadn't any advice that u wouldn't have already heard

hmm....yup.....will have to be firm!!!

all I really want tho, and this is going to be the hard part in choosing, is one of the girls, one of the boys, one of all the kiddies and one of the whole family. thats only four.....

but....

we took the the girls tutus and their modern costumes from when they did their medals and several of each were taken of all together and then seperatey....and the boys were in england kits....also together and apart.....then the lady took piccies of them all tumbling and handstanding and dancing etc....

she told me she took over 150 photos in that hour....how on earth will we pick between them all?????

and i know how you meant money etc......you have no worries about how I took it

more hugs and a !

And Flame sits in the background muttering "and this is why I begged you not to do it!"

Please come be supportive here

eeek! If you go in there thinking that you could get those pix urself and photoshop them (which you can) then u will choose less. DON'T take the children whatever you do! And the rest are online (witha pasword) for a year or so afterwards anyway if you change your mind. We had hundreds taken too but luckily we didn;t like many of them (j with his blankie and a drink and O crying/feeding)

we found a cheaper place near us taht will do the same thing for next time we want some done

They didn't do em online when we had them

Online.......online.....?????

better

u can't copy them (we tried) as they have venture all over tgem but we have a very clever computer man friend who is working on them

There is probably some copying thingy on the site, but I am guessing that some of Boy's geeks I mean friends, would be able to work round it...

ooooh....sounds interesting

crossed