Psychomum in need of support please.

[Flamesparrow]

Psychomum has just returned from the doctors. She had a car crash 12 weeks ago, and hasn't been the same since - on painkillers for pains, but also in herself she has deflated

Yesterday (after I blew up at her and yelled lots - due to my own tiredness etc, she just happened to be my target ) she cried a lot, and myself and another friend made her a doctors appointment.

Today she was marched to said appointment (with the other friend), still muttering that she didn't see anything wrong with her and why she should go. She got there and everything came pouring out - how low she is feeling, how she feels that everyone hates her, and how much she wants to stop hurting, and go back to being a normal friend, mother and wife.

She has come home with a prescription for mirtazapine, and sleeping tablets if the first ones don't help with the sleep as well.

She needs support from all angles, but doesn't feel able to write about it herself yet (she knows I am writing this).

This has been so hard to watch, I haven't known what to do or how to help (although we have now established that yelling at her isn't the way to go ), even though I have been through depression myself, I feel so useless.

She doesn't want to be on ADs - family history is making her convinced that she is insane if she is given medication - please can all of you nice sane people on them/who have been on them come and show your faces so she can be reassured.

I want my bubbly friend back.

hi psychomum...just a quick one to say to have been through all that you havedone throughout your life ,makes you an incredibly strong and brave person in my humble opinion.Many people would have been affected by it all way before now.
there comes atime in many peoples lives where we have had to have a little extra help from the doctor,your not alone.will be thinking of you x

To cat click on contact another talker at the top of the page and it should guide you through the process. You will need to pay a fee of £5 to register to send messages though.

I love this site as there are so many people out there with such a wealth of experience between them that it is possible to get information, help and support over so many different issues.

Keep posting and talking.

If you have a local M.I.N.D they may be able to help you find someone for councelling. I am going to see if we have a group who can help me.

Hello again,
I'm afraid I'm not much help to you, but have been worried about you.
I'd definitely go down the private counselling route if you can, and try to get a personal recommendation, too. As you are finding, once you talk about these things, you find so many people with relevant experience.

I know it's been said before, but sleeping, eating, and exercising will also help lift your mood.

Everything I've read suggests that your depression is a reasonable response to an unreasonable circumstance, and as such is ideal for drug treatment. You will start to feel better, and then you will have the strength to cope with life, and tacklethe fallout from your childhood.

Sorry, I'm rambling.
Hope you have another good sleep, take care.

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hi jas and essbee...thanks both.

any advice on counseling much appreciated.....back in denial for the past hour....coming up to tabs time again and am so not liking this all, but then knowing all i am going thro realising that they are indeed needed.

somehting my physio said earlier has struck a chord. all the abuse happened betwwen the ages of me being 5yrs to 9yrs. I always thought that the time that i would get upset would be when my girls were those ages and it never cropped up as a problem.....leading me to think i was great/fine/coping yada yada yada.

instead lots of the breaking has come from my DD1 turnign 12yrs. I was 12 when my mother first attacked me properly....altho she has been ill since i was born, i was 12 when she turned against me....up till then she was ok-ish towardss me and i always wanted to go see her (strange maybe but i was a child and she was my mum IYSWIM?).....anyway, like I said...she went for me and i cowered whilst she rained plastic cups down on me. I never wanted to go back after that but my aunt forced me (as indeed she also forced me to continue seeing my step father after tha abuse as she decided in her so wonderful wisdom that it would do me good (i mean, what the fuck was she thinking????).

anyway.....what I am trying to say is that i felt that i truly lost my mother that day when i was 12, and now my DD1 is 12 i am cracking....and also so scared that she is now losing me.

i don't know....rambling lots here, but i am simply terrified that i am doing them a diservise by being like this now. the kiddies shouldn't have to go thro this......i went thro it and it was so awful.....am i ruining their childhoods by breaking so suddenly???

in tears.....got to go

Psychomum. You are not your mother. Your children are not losing you. You are not ruining their childhoods.

This whole experience is not something you have chosen to do.

You are ill, and doing all the things a responsible mother could do. You have acknowledged that there is a problem, and asked for help. You are following through on the treatment.

Please cut yourself a bit of slack.

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PM you are not your mum. You have not subjected your children to the same childhood that you had. They are not losing you as you have admitted there is a problem and you are seeking help. You need to find a councelor that you are comfortable with and work through it. Your GP or HV may be able to recomend someone. It is a long process and takes courage which I think you have after all you have been through. Don't beat yourself up, be gentle with your self you are going to need time and a bit of space to heal.

The kids are FINE. There is a huge difference between slightly broken mummy being a bit down, and your mum. Children go through divorce etc and come out the other side ok, and how you are now is much much less traumatic than that believe me. (Although they do seem to be doing what I tell em slightly more now, so maybe I scared em )

How are you this morning?

Going back to work now will pop in later to see how you are.

Not sure if you are religious or if this will make a difference but you are included in my prayers.

Psychomum - been away and just catching up here.

So amazed to hear what you have been through - hell's teeth woman, I hope you give yourself credit for getting this far.

The kids will be fine. Massive hugs.

The children are fine! They love you, you love them. All you need at the moment is some support. You are not losing them and you won't lose them.

So how are you doing this morning babe?

(((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))

puff xx

hey all.

very bad night last night.....was up till gone 1am lurking on here and then just doing cards.....was really cross about lack of tiredness as it came so easily yhe night before. seems twas maybe exhaustion then......

went to bed and tossed and turned till gone 4am....then awake again by 8am.

am guessing then that the sleeping tabs will be required after all but but but.........

this morning am feeling tired and heady and am now alone with just 5 kiddies, 4 of mine 1 of my friend who is staying.....twins have at least gone with her today!

friend who is staying has cleaned for me tho so fab lady there, and DH has had to go work.

tis our anniversary on monday which is stirring funny feelings as it was a year ago this week that he admitted what he had done......oooh, am guessing there is all too many things cropping up at the same time that are weighing me down.

my biggest wish this week is to go to a book store and buy some books that i can sit down and read........simple wish, my wish.

one bright thing.....got a whole new bedroom coming.....am gonna get the bedroom I have been dreaming of since moving here 9yrs ago. our room is the only room not been changed since moving except for slipping it in two to make the fourth bedroom. it was before 28' x 18'.......now is 18' x 16' so still big and will now be fab too. got to go bedding shopping aswell this week.

thankyou all for the positive vibes.....am still trying to tell myself that all is good with regards to the children and me not being my mum.....why is it so hard to say it with absolute belief tho????

One thing DH did try for me tho.....he tried to put a block on the phone for to block my aunt from getting thro......can't be done (why tho, we know which no. to block?), we will have to change our tel. no. and i cant do that right now what with needing the hospital to be able to get thro!!!! hey ho.....she'll just have to go jump. only thing is she said she is coming over as she has stuff for the kiddies from my mum that i have been so lax in visiting that everyone is furious with me. why oh why does she not get it.

oooh....rant alert.......she is continuously sending me stuff addressed to the kiddies from my stepfather......i have told and told her why she mustn't but no.....he is thinking of us and spending time sending stuff and how bloody rude and inconsiderate and horrid and bitchy and blah blah blah of me to assume that i can refuse them...........what does she want from me.........blood???????? will that prove how much i can't stand it.

oooh....and now apparently i have made up the car accident to take the glory from my brother who qualified as a doctor the day of my accident.

WHAT IS SHE ON.......................FUCK FUCK FUCK

and now feeling so for saying that as i hate myself now.

am going....hands to liking to type swear words

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Psychomum - Just wanted to add some support. It sounds like you have coped with so much, for so long, always managing to be strong and suddenly everything is crumbling and all the things that you have kept deep inside are coming up all at once. I wish I could help more, but I think that although it is painful, it is good thing that you are talking about things now, cos things kept inside fester and fester. I hope you can find a good counsellor, it really helps.

Keep talking, we are all here for you.
hugs

thankyou both.

you are right...i have coped for so long that it is just alien to me to feel this way. i so want to go into my daughters (and sons but that is years yet for them) teen years feeling positive that i know that i have to so something now. i don't want them to feel alone during the greatest changes of their lives.....i want them to know I am here and able to be a fab mummy...one that i didn't have (IYGWIM?).

also....DD1 is so hormonal at the moment that we clash big time during PMT week and I am so horrid (she is horrid right back too, but she is 12.....tis to be expected. I should be coping with her.....not yelling back).

i rally am shocking myself tho at how angry i am at my mother........and my aunt, but then she is screwed too from having her sister be like this....but i am most angry at mother....really really angry to the extent that I wish she had died (and I am so ashamed to admit that),
but i wouldn't have these mental health issues had she......i would have been able to look back at photos of her and wish i knew how she was when she was 'normal', rather than look and wish to stab said photos with a very sharp knife.

there....i said it....I AM ANGRY

Psychomum - sorry to hear that you had a bad night.

It does sound like you have a lot to be angry about. I'm no psychologist, but I'm sure that it is necessary to admit you are angry before you can begin to deal with the anger, so already you are making progress! Have you followed up on the suggestions of counselling yet - I'm sure it would help you to talk this through with a real person (not that we're not real, but YGWIM!) who can respond and advise what to do.

As the others have said, do keep on with the pills, and try the sleeping tabs if you need them - no point having sleepless nights while the packet goes unopened!

Anyway, not sure I'm much help, but wanted you to know that I'm still reading and thinking of you.

thanks csws

am a bit brighter at the mo.....well, right now at least..

kiddies are being good.....i did have a small grrrr moment earlier in which i threw a few toys, but it was that or scream at the children and they weren't the problem so it wouldn't have been fair. was more because i am wanting to keep the house clutter free and obviously with children that isn't always possible. i do have a small perfectionist issue with wanting things clean and tidy at home which has taken a long time for me to get over. I am proud to admit i don't bleach the toilet everyday anymore.....(well, was everytime i went into the toilet at one point), now I try to only clean every other day!!

anyhoo....am lurking about on MN, house is neat and children now eating muffins

washing all done and both baskets are empty......feel a huge sense of acheivement that i am not needing to hide away in the corner, even if that would be nice in a funny kind of way(IYKWIM?)

Sorry you had a bad night pyscho but good that you are feeling brighter.
The tablets do take a little while to get used to and unfortunately can make you feel a bit worse before you feel better. Don't let it put you off taking them please.

Just a thought on the aunt issue - can you get a phone with caller display? If you can't bar the calls at least you can spot her number and not bother answering.

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((((psycho))))

agree about the caller ID thing. also, if you tell BT your aunt is harrassing you can they not block the line then?(just a thought)

Your children are fine psycho. You have given them everything they asked for (or so it sounds obv i don't know properly). they are having the time of their lives with their dancing etc and they are HAPPY.

feeling angry is good, you are admitting your feelings which is a really positive step.

keep talking through hon xxxx

only a quickie as off to bed......

been rather an awful afternoon. My aunt turned up on my doorstep at about 3pm.

suffice to say she ruined the day and made rather awful comments.......main one of which was to demand photos of the kiddies to take to my mother (seeing as I am such a bad daughter and never take them or me to see her!!!!), and when I did (ashamed to say i did her bidding), i offered her a piccie of me. "no thanks" says she......"you are too fat in those she'll not recongnise you"

well........yo can guess how I have been.....DH and friend has been trying to lift me with little success and both are furious that she should turn up while i was alone.

ho hum.....we'll see on tomorrow now

Ohh hun so sorry she felt the need to do that to you. We have a set of relatives that we do not wish to talk to ever again and I know they are in the area today and am dreading a knock on the door as DH is out teaching karate this morning. He has told me not to open the door to anyone this morning as I have been down recently and he doesn't want them to tip me over iyswim. All I can suggest for the future is to get caller ID or an answer phone which will let you screen your calls so you only pick up the phone to people you want to talk to and to not answer the door unkess you know who is on the otherside and you actually want to see them.