Help

[HugAndRoll]

Help I am having a mental breakdown. I need help. I've been self harming, have a plan to kill myself but not a timeline. I have a GP appointment on Friday but I don't think I can wait that long. I don't know what to do.

I posted a little while ago under a name change slipperyslopetodestruction but I can't be bothered to change now. I don't care anymore.

Hi hugs sorry not kept up with this thread but have been thinking about you , ask on g&c how you where doing Polter referred me back here .

Hope you okay , will try get some time later to read though . Just wanted make sure your okay.

Hi thanks all.

I'm not great. I really need to move. For lots of reasons I can't go into in detail without getting stressed out. The house is being valued on Thursday so please keep your fingers crossed it sells quickly.

Fingers crossed it sells quickly and for lots of money!

Thank you :).

Today has been very up and down. I've gone to bed on a downer though. In dreading tomorrow and just wish I could disappear without a trace.

Hi Hug, hope you got some sleep. How are you feeling today? The house being valued is a good milestone. Thinking of you.

Not amazing. I'm feeling crap about myself because I'm going to rely solely on benefits, at least to begin with. I'm also nervous about the valuations because I live next door to my mum and dad and they will see them coming. It's going to open a massive can of worms I simply don't have the energy to deal with.

I just need this transition phase to be over so I can get on with my life.

No they don't. There's a long backstory but I'm dreading the day they question it. I don't feel like an adult around them to be honest, I feel like a naughty child.

Agreeing that a move away sounds like a good plan. Sometimes people can be beyond stifling. To risk a cheesy analogy, you've got a bloody steep hill ahead of you, but once you've scaled it, the view should be quite something.

Don't worry about the benefits. This is exactly what they're for.

Thank you. Agent chosen and we have £15k wiggle room between what we need and the valuation so that's positive.

I also informed tax credits I'm single, got the telephone number for income support and opened a sole bank account with a different bank.

Very productive but I'm on a massive downer.

Song lyrics that sum up me right now:

I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
The higher I get, the lower I'll sink.
I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

...

I self harmed. It's not bad because I forced myself to stop. I feel so alone.

I may post a thread in chat but not sure if this is lame. I need to know how to make friends.

Most of my close friends and family have basically abandoned me since my major depressive episode/separation from H. I have one person I can truly count on right now which is unfair on them and a small handful of people I can talk to but always on their terms.

I'm fed up of feeling so lonely but my self esteem is at an all time low. I don't know if I should be going to bars etc on my own to try and meet people or how you do it at all.

I have school mum friends and autism mum friends but I mean I want proper can count on them to have a laugh but also totally be yourself friend making.

I'm hoping if I feel less alone I won't feel so depressed.

That's a good idea. I sound so pathetic!

I'm feeling guilty today for doing what is right for me and my boys. I wish I didn't allow people to affect me as much as I do.