Help

[HugAndRoll]

Help I am having a mental breakdown. I need help. I've been self harming, have a plan to kill myself but not a timeline. I have a GP appointment on Friday but I don't think I can wait that long. I don't know what to do.

I posted a little while ago under a name change slipperyslopetodestruction but I can't be bothered to change now. I don't care anymore.

I will try.

I am completely exhausted. I can feel myself falling asleep but need to wait until ds2's nap.

Today is going exceptionally slowly. Still 3 hours before I can think about going to bed. I feel so rough from lack of sleep.

I hope so too. I'm not being a great mum as I have no energy, only the basics are getting done. Ds2 is in bed, ds1 goes at 8 but has his routine. Sorry to say I'm counting down the minutes.

I slept!

Hurrah!

Just wondering how you are. Hope you are still sleeping better.

I'm having a down day today. I can't seem to shift a sense of impending doom, I feel it in the pit of my stomach and just cannot relax.

I also feel like I could cry at any moment, but the tears don't come.

I feel deserted by family and friends, most are supporting H and very few are even talking to me. Depression is a horrible thing to have and people who don't understand it just make you feel worse.

I swing between just wanting to disappear and actually wanting to die. I suppose, in a way, that's an improvement.

I'm so sorry you don't feel supported Hug. I think people find illnesses like depression hard to understand because they can't see them. It's like mental health needs rebranding.

Did you go to the group in the end?

I did go to the group. I'm hoping it will help me to change my mindset. It's about accepting what you can't change. I'm also going to need one to one counselling which I need to organise soon.

Hug, just saying hi. Sorry it's been another hard day

Hope you got some sleep last night Hug. Glad you went to the group. One step at a time

Thank you all. I'm feeling a bit negative today but will go out later which should help. It seems the actions of others are directly impacting my mood which is not right. I'm a grown ass woman and should be responsible for my own happiness.

I'm hoping I am. All I want is to feel happy.

I'm glad you went to your group. I hope you feel happy soon.

We are putting the house up for sale. So much is changing but it's all necissary. I need to get out of this house, even though it will mean renting. (On my own renting is a better option anyway).

H is still holding out hope for a reconciliation. I've enjoyed his company and he is trying very hard but I'm just not at that place.

I'm struggling at the moment with lack of sleep, an inability to eat and anything I do eat going straight through me (sorry!). I feel completely physically and mentally wrecked and am only happy when with certain friends. I can't rely on them too much and I think I'll be able to relax more once I've moved but until then it's just stress on top of stress.

Thanks polter. To top it all off, following advice and parent's evening it looks like we are going to have to start the statementing process for ds1.

I don't know. I'm having a biopsy on 24th to confirm coeliac disease so I think it's likely related to that as I have to continue eating gluten until then. That coupled with very little appetite means I've lost a bit of weight, a positive to be fair.

Ignore if you have already considered/dismissed this Hug, but have you thought that if you are coeliac you might be also be anaemic? I think one of the symptoms of anaemia can be depression.