Any other relatively 'high functioning' working mothers with depression/ sucidal thoughts out there?

[Sheissmallandveryspidery]

I wondered if could find some support with others feeling like me. Rather than a thread thats all MeMeMe, it would be great to hear from and support others and get support myself.

I've got 2 DCs, work in a full on job though 4d a wk, it might as well be full time. I've had PND since DC2 (now 16mths) and it got worse after returning to work. Its lead to sucidal ideation, despite meds this has continued. Right now things are bad and Im constantly thinking of ways out though I know I cant /wont act on it.

Anyone else?

Thanks for posting howdidit. Sorry that you suffering with sleep issues too.

I had to stop using my phone around shortly after I posted as I was unable to focus.

My husband was shouting from out bed that letting her cry was clearly not going to work. He only did it once to be fair but it was more than enough. I'm still really cross with him, not seen him yet today to mention it. Not sure what I will say.

Dc2 eventually went off on me and I transferred her at 2am. So 3+ hrs in total. :-/

Kazza- how are you feeling today? Please post here. Shared experiences help us all x

Sheis, you must be so tired. Do you have the same problem every night? How old is your dd? I hope tonight is better.

Sorry for my rant last night. I didn't go in to work this morning. I've been saving my holidays, only having the odd day off, but I think I need to take a week off to give myself some time to recover. I also think I may start taking the sertraline I have been prescribed, but haven't started yet. I've been putting it off, thinking I can cope, I hate the thought of the side effects.

Anyway, I hope you get through the day and that dh is more supportive tonight.

Hi Kazza

A wk off sounds good. Can you get some you time in that??

I have Sertraline and while everyone is different, I didn't find the side effects that bad. Or at least it was better than I had been feeling. I started at 50mg. I did find the jump to 100mg more tricky but none of it so bad I wanted to stop.

I'm not too bad considering thanks . She doesn't do that every night but used to and I'm still recovering from that. The sound of her crying post bed time almost makes me panic

Keep posting if you like

Take care of yourself

Me time is difficult, as dh is out of work and hence I never get time alone. Plus dd breaks up for Easter on Friday. It would be nice to have some lazy time with her though. I'm going to ask at work whether I can have next week or the week after off.

I have 50 mg sertraline too. I've taken the first one just now, but I only took half a tablet, hope the side effects won't be too bad.

I've taken Prozac before, I suffered with terrible headaches and sleepiness, could barely function I suffer a lot with anxiety and hope the sertraline will help with that.

Could you and dh take it in turns to settle dd, so that next time she won't go to sleep it's his "job" to stay with her, or will she only settle with you?

How are you feeling on the Sertraline Kazza? I found I felt an effect within a couple of hours.

Dc2 only wants me when she wakes and the moment. Getting hysterical if he does it. That's part of issue. He would gladly help if she would let him.

I feel ok, just a bit dizzy at times and my head feels achy, but in a way I recognise from taking ADs before. Very much bearable so far. Not noticing a change in my mood yet, but I know it takes about 2 - 4 weeks to feel the effect.

It's been nice having some time alone at home though. I have tomorrow off work anyway and hope by Wednesday I'll not feel so exhausted and on the verge of tears all the time.

That is so difficult, when dd only wants you at night. Maybe dh can have another go, hopefully she will settle with him too. I hope she sleeps better the next few nights at least and you can catch up on sleep. I know it doesn't help now, but this too will pass.

Hi everyone

Kazza- how was the first night on the Sert? Hope it was a better experience than other ADs you've had.

Fortunately DD2 didnt wake up last night, though I admit to feeling rather tense late last night - expectign her to wake.

Didnt raise the shouting thing with H. I should have done because I am still cross about it.

hope everyone else is ok. Busy week ahead here always a risk factor.

So glad dd didn't wake up, things tend to look a bit better if you get a full nights sleep. I understand you not raising the shouting issue with dh - sometimes it's easier to leave things, isn't it?

Last night was very odd. I couldn't sleep and spent all night dozing off briefly and then waking again. I did feel slightly nauseous from late evening on and off, it was bearable but I felt very worried about it. I hope it doesn't get worse.

Another one here. Like other posters I have always lived with it to some degree. Ended up resigning from a previous job due to very serious bout of anxiety and depression.

Dragged myself back to "normality" and got another job but am struggling again. Don't want to burden DH as he has Enough to cope with and I know He just wants me to be ok.

Too scared of antidepressants and other meds to take them. Self medicated with alcohol last time but can't drink any more.

Often just wish I wasn't here.

Not good

This thread resonates with me. Two young DC, work 4 days but may as well be 5. I get anxious (DH took dd on the train and I was convinced he'd drop her on the tracks ffs), I see danger everywhere and feel so so down.

God it is hard.

Hotcross, I'm like that too. Irrational fear if I'm not with dd that something will happen to her - and she's 12!! I'm having to let her have some independence, but am terrified she'll get run over or something

Second day of sertraline here. I'm so tired, mainly due to not sleeping well. Also my stomach feels a bit ... uneasy, not quite right. Still have a bit of a headache too. Tomorrow I have to go to work and I really don't want to

Can I join? Similar position to Ruminatrix - left previous job due to anxiety and depression. After a break I'm back in a full time, stressful, long hours role. Having CBT and reading mindfulness book are helping but having a really bad week. Not sleeping properly and hardly eating. Single mum so no option but to work.

Sorry to hear others are going through this. Bit of a relief for me to type this though as no one in RL knows I have these problems (except my therapist).

Hello and 'welcome' to the new people- Ruminatrix, Toothpick, hotcross.

Im sorry you are also feeling like this. I hope there is support for you hear- just somewhere to chat is helpful I am finding.

Kazza- your symptoms sound very much like mine in the early days of sertraline. I think I felt better on it after 5days and symptoms gone completely after 2wks max. Hang in there.
What kind of work do you do? Can you bury your self in work to make the time go fast?

Thanks Mary- thats interesting about Sertraline- thats the second report Ive had of that. I guess I am ruling it out as initially the sertraline totally stopped the suicidal feelings. They crept back after about a month.

What are the side effects like for the other drug mentioned? Im so worried about weight gain and loss of libido (though this is laughable at the moment really!)

Toothpick- that was exactly how I felt- no one in RL knows about me really, well they didnt until I've told work recently.

Its so isolating and lonely to feel like this with no one to get support from.

So sad there are so many of us feeling like this

Sheis, I work in an estate agency on front desk. It's usually busy, but my boss (male) isn't understanding at all. They don't know about my depression and won't understand me having a day off yesterday. My colleagues work through most illnesses. I know I'm going to spend all night worrying about what they're going to say tomorrow, running through possible conversations in my head, obsessing again I said that I couldn't come in because I had a migraine.

I really hope I start to feel the benefits soon. It might be a while though, as I've started on a really low dose.

I'm thinking about asking for more flexible working to help ie one day working from home. Part of my issue is that I feel guilty leaving the DCs when I go to work in a job I hate. There's no let up as we need my salary as DH took a large pay cut which has meant we now have debts

I lack the energy to do anything.

Sounds like there are a few of us dreading work tomorrow. I've got a tough day ahead so I really have to come out fighting but I feel like running away. It's draining having to put a brave front on all the time - someone said something kind to me today and it took all my resolve not to burst into tears.

Trying to be constructive tonight - about to listen to meditation tape. It might not sound like it but I am better than I was as at least I don't have panic attacks anymore.

Thanks for the support on this thread - it really does help (was a lurker before I joined in).

What meditation cd do you use Toothpick? Hope it helps a bit.

Good luck, Hotcross, hope they agree to the day at home.

Me. I will try to post some more later.m

Hi all
Wishing everyone a survivable day at work. I am here already and it's ok so far.

Kazza- hope today is ok. Stick to your migraine story and ignore them. Hard to do, easy to say I know.

Hot cross -hope that the flexi request goes ok.

Toothpick. Glad you have joined us.

Hi the reluctant

Hello again. Sorry to hear more people have issues like this. I personally think these kind of problems are amplified because everything is so relentless. I had the DSs in bed with me from about 1am. DH fecked off to sleep in spare room on a different floor I suggested I'd be the one to go but he said he really needed the sleep. Not sure what he thinks I exist on! I'm knackered. They writhed around all night and at one time the youngest pivoted himself to hang half off the bed and stuck there muttering 'helf helf' while still half asleep. Nights like these lead me down a dark path thoughts-wise and I lay there imagining horrible things involving busy roads etc. the lack of rest has a huge affect on my mental well-being.

Oh well back to back meetings and interviews and performance reviews today. For the first time every I'm dreading my own end of year. I know I've done a pretty poor job this last few months and let everyone down.

Harriet

Sorry to hear of your rough night. I know that feeling of darkness causes by sleep deprivation very well. It's almost worse when you know your other half is snoring elsewhere !

Please share your thoughts of busy roads here if you need. I am having such thoughts constantly and it's hellish to keep inside.

Re performance. I'm also worried about this which is why I told work and HR. I am hoping to be given some slack on this basis as I know I can do better. Otherwise I will be shafted in my year end review.
Can you talk to work to be honest ? I have a huge company so it's relatively easy with lots of precedents set