Moving forward day by day [crisis team part two ]

[bassetfeet]

Hi Fluffy just calling in to wish you a lovely peaceful sleep x

I am not telling anyone where to post, but there is a BPD forum here which gets a lot of traffic here

Thanks Snowy that looks helpful :)

I am having another lazy day and DH is working hard on his assignments and I feel very guilty.

Be kind to yourself, fluffy (easier said than done, I know).

Thanks Snowy I've had a glance, looks supportive. Had a hard day, might read through it when I find things less triggering.

Well I have officially started DBT, had my first group session today. It was ok, pretty boring, not looking forward to doing it every week for a year.

I am seeing my CPN tomorrow, I am not sure what I will say. I feel really crap at the moment but if I say that it will be challenged and I can't be bothered to disagree. I know I should challenge my thinking and that some of my feelings are not entirely rational but sometimes I don't want to think about things.

((( fluffy ))) That's a lot of sessions.

Had a really mixed week. I am having some psychotic thoughts again which is very stressful.

Had a nice day out with my parents today which was lovely.

My DH goes back to work next week and I am so worried about being alone and self harming :(

(((( fluffy ))))

How are you snowy?

I'm struggling with the voices telling me to strangle myself.

Oh Snowy that sounds very hard. I hope you are getting lots of support to deal with it. Do your needs need uping?

My meds have been upped. And CPN seeing me more than once a week.

I hope the extra support can help you to feel better soon.

Thanks. Hope you're doing ok.

I am so unenthusiastic about DBT. I do try to listen and take part but in reality it is boring. The staff that run it are lovely and try very hard to make it an inclusive and friendly group, but even they can't make the content sound exciting. I feel guilty because I know loads of people out there are desperate for DBT and I have had it handed to me on a plate.

Thinking a lot about overdosing. Feel very low at how shitty my life has turned out. All I want is a job and a baby, is that really too much to hope for? It feels like it is.

Not ALL you want are a job and baby. They might be what you want for the future, but you have a lovely DH, family and cat and they are what you need for now.

In the future, you WILL get a good job, and hopefully have a baby. Please don't detach, you have so much already, things will get better. I think you're quite young as well? Lots of time to achieve the things you want.

There is time for things to change, fluffy hugs.

snowy it is early days yet with the DBT. I don't know how DBT works, but it may be that the course content is less important than the interaction between the participants which it supports iyswim.

• fluffy (but also hugs to snowy )

My husband has gone back to work after having nearly a month off work for Christmas and to do his assignments. I am a bit worried about how I will cope but we shall see.

The cat is still being lovely, she is asleep next to me at the moment.

This time last year I was sectioned so things have def improved :)

You can do it, fluffy Well done on staying out of hospital.

I really tried Dbt but it was impossible to do as i had constant flashbacks and bad memories related to trauma i quit Dbt and now recieve intensive 1-1 psychotherapy weekly through the nhs, i did have to reduce my high risk behaviours to get it but i do absaloutly prefer psychotherapy than dbt
Maybe you need a different form of therapy.

Have yu experienced a trauma in yr life?

I will stick with the DBT for now, I had a year of 1:1 psychotherapy on the NHS and they recommended the DBT for me. I don't have flashbacks or anything like that, sorry to see that you do, I can see how hard it would be to do DBT feeling like that.

This is just a rant.

I feel like I am not allowed to be unwell at the moment, like it all has to be recovery and I am not sure how I am managing. I feel like I am only engaging in quite a superficial way but everyone says how well I am doing. So maybe I am fine now? I haven't self harmed since December which is good. I can't seem to cry at the moment, I am wondering if that is due to my medications. Or maybe I don't feel like crying because I am ok. I am still finding it so hard to deal with psychosis, I am so so tired of it all. I thought I would take the meds (anti-psychotics) and be ok but it isn't the truth. I still get loads of weird and random ideas which makes everything a billion times harder.

I am having a lot of difficult thoughts about self harm but I will discuss them in DBT tomorrow.