Moving forward day by day [crisis team part two ]

[bassetfeet]

Hi Fluffy just calling in to wish you a lovely peaceful sleep x

Hi FDG, and everyone. I've followed your thread and I constantly think you are the strongest person I ever "met" iykwim.

My struggles are not even half of yours but you display such dignity.

Stay strong.

Oh gosh lots to reply to.

kizzie nail polish is a lovely treat isn't it? I have been slacking with painting my nails recently, I really should try to get back into it.

Nice to see you here nananina

How are you doing these days snowy?

Thanks for posting on my thread freezing I can totally relate to seeing signs.

I am seeing my CPN today, I am a bit nervous about what to say. I sometimes come out of appointments feeling like I have let myself down or used the time badly so I hope it goes ok.

I'm okish thanks fluffy, thinking about adding a second anti-depressant

Good luck with your CPN, mine was unsettling today, they're rejigging the service.

Hello all and welcome FF and 24me - it's not a competition you know about whose mental illness is the worst, so do feel free to tell us about yourself if you like. Having said that I always feel so sorry for young mums on here struggling with mental illness and having to care for young children. I can barely cope with myself and DP and the cats when my bad days come rolling in.

You're sounding a bit better FDG - hope your time with the CPN is ok. I wouldn't worry about what to say or using the time badly. CPNs are paid to do their job and no one pushed them into being a CPN! I think though when we are struggling with depression, it is easy to feel we have "let ourselves down" as our self esteem and self worth is adversely affected. I actually think that is a symptom of depression. I'm sorry FDG I can't actually remember what your mental health condition is though I do recall that you have been hospitalised in the past.

Hello Snowy - maybe the addition of another AD would help as it seems that it's the depression that is your main problem if I have got that right? Sorry you were unsettled by your CPN today and I think "re-jigging the service" is being done on a national basis, and it's all really to do with service delivery with a depleted budget, thanks to this govt. I have a lovely CPN though I only see her monthly (but I can phone her if necessary, which I have done quite a few times in the past when my anxiety has been sky high) and she has been telling me about how the Trust in my area is changing things. Mental health of course has always been the "Cinderella" of the NHS hasn't it, even though they keep telling us how many people are going to suffer from dementia in the future.

The depression makes it harder to challenge the voices, NanaNina I'm going to ask more about the meds on Wednesday. I'm glad my CPN did tell me though, better than not knowing at all. You're right re: cinderella service

Thinking of you, Fluffy!

snowy I hope they get your medication sorted out for you

I talked to the psychiatrist today about my diagnosis (BPD) and he agreed that I don't fit all of it.

I feel quite down today, not sure why because I have a nice day planned.

Thinking about overdosing in January.

Thanks fluffy Diagnosis is a difficult one. I go to a group, and people with similar symptoms have different diagnoses, e.g. psychotic depression, schizoaffective disorder, biopolar with psychotic tendencies, all plus or minus BPD and OCD.

Maybe it's just BPD traits, lots of people have traits of PDs.

I don't usually post when I'm down but could do with a bit of hand holding today. Woke feeling shite and been crying on and off for a few hours (that's one of my main symptoms of depression) I hate to see my depressed face in the mirror. I feel like a useless piece of shit. Oh Fluffy suicidal thoughts are horrid aren't they, and yet sometimes strangely re-assuring (as in I don't have to stand any more of this pain) Mine are always the same - drowning in a nearby pool. I know that people say that if we do commit suicide we pass on our pain to those we leave behind but sometimes that doesn't matter does it. Not sure we're meant to discuss suicide methods on this open forum but if we can't tell each other then who can we tell. My DP is supportive but gets really upset if I talk of suicide.

Snowy I know you struggle a lot, but you never complain and you always reach out to others in your own quiet under-stated way. I wonder where you get your emotional strength from.

My lovely CPN is coming on Thursday as I haven't seen her for a couple of months as she's been on extended leave.

Quick hug and for all, esp fluffy and NN. Am trying to work!

(((( NanaNina )))) I'm sorry you're feeling so rough. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself? (I know that's easier said than done). Do talk to your CPN, can you get through to Thursday, or should you call someone today?

I hope there's no procrastination going on

Thank you snowy and SPC - I have been distracting myself on another thread. I've probably already said I am a retired social worker/manager in a LA Children'sServices and have been on the thread about the Italian woman and the baby, trying to dilute some of the more sensational claims.

I am going to do some colouring - I had adult colouring books and lovely brush pens and that is always soothing and does distract me, though I feel tears about to flow, I think just cus you were so sweet. I always cry in people are kind when I'm like this.

No sure what you mean about procrastination..........ah well thank you for your kindness.

If the procrastination remark referred to me, then it was spot on, snowy Just had a little nap as well

That sounds a good plan NN

I was referring to TheSontaranPussycat with the procrastination comment

Ah well the colouring distraction didn't happen cus I had another long cry at about 4 and then fell asleep. I usually lift in the evening but haven't done thus far so feeling de-moralised and wishing I was braver to cope with these bad days when I know others are suffering so much more. Have just had an e mail from a close friend and I'm tearful again because she was so kind.

How are you Snowy and FDG - sorry depression makes me very self absorbed.

(((( NN )))) I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time I hope tomorrow is better for you.

I'm okish thanks, art therapy tomorrow.

NN I hope you start to feel a bit less low, don't feel like you have to compare yourself to anyone. Your lived experience of depression is valid and how you feel is important, if you feel sad, you feel sad, Could you try the colouring in the next day.

I had a big cry last night but have gone today without self harming so that's good.

Well done fluffy

Hi fluffy, how's it going today?

I am ok today. I have this sense that things feel different inside me (in a bad way) but I am trying to live in the moment and not worry too much.

How are you? Have you had any success with your medication changing?

Hi fluffy I missed your reply. Living in the moment sounds a good plan.

I need to make more med changes, waiting for my psychiatrist to write to my GP.

How's it going today?

Bumping for fluffy

Thanks for asking. I am ok, had a bad day on Friday but then a better weekend.

I'm glad you had a better weekend. I hope it continues.

Hi Fluffy and Snowy and all Sounds like we are all moving slowly forward and back again .......but gaining ground slowly and keeping safe . Think of you so much when I go to bed . We are survivors you and me.Another day and we endure or feel ok...,it is a
SLOW recovery. Keep going one step at a time and yes to getting a nice takeaway or nails done ...whatever that gets us interested and feeling calm .

Just been googling tapestry sets to keep my antsy fingers busy . I tear my fingers to pieces if not distracted . A nose down hug into my ample bosom to you all . Stay safe x