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Mental health

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Original poster

I just did something (triggering)

341 replies

Messupmum · 09/08/2013 19:40

I don't know if I need help or not. I tied a ligature around my neck so tight - I did it twice. The second I struggled to undo it.

I'm kind of scared, but I felt a sense of calm too. Don't really think I'm having normal thoughts. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

HoopersGinger · 18/08/2013 23:59

I am here too. They are not giving you the help you need and this pisses me off greatly. If someone got physically injured so badly and was just left in pain then we would be appalled they were left to suffer without being given the right care. It is appalling you are not being given the right care because with the right care you can be picked up, made safe, looked after and healed. Please please keep trying to get help. Confide in your friends. Call somebody.

HoopHopes · 19/08/2013 18:33

I hope you have a useful appointment with the psychiatrist to review medication, maybe make some changes that can help and even a dose of prn medication.

HoopersGinger · 20/08/2013 23:59

Hey OP, how's it going? X

Original poster

Messupmum · 21/08/2013 08:51

I'm ok, still here. Seeing psychiatrist today, worried that my mind has gone blank and I don't know what to say. I've written things down but not sure if I've missed anything. But then I'm scared of being too open and ending up in a big mess.
I've also forgotten meds a couple of days, just forgotten, but feel no worse/better, so I think what's the point? But I'm too ashamed to admit I've done that as it looks like I'm not being compliant.

OP posts:

HoopHopes · 21/08/2013 09:13

Hi hope it goes ok. Do tell them if you can you have forgotten meds as there maybe something they can do to help you with that.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 21/08/2013 09:22

Hope appointment goes well. I would be honest if you can, that way they can work out how best to help you. Don't feel ashamed. No one is judging you.

Original poster

Messupmum · 22/08/2013 21:38

I feel so crap! I keep thinking I should do it, instead of talking about it and worrying people. I'm going to have the opportunity this weekend, I don't want to 100%, which is why I seek help, but i'm starting to feel desperate. So desperate that I can't cope with the feelings, I can't cope with the guilt all the time, over absolutely everything.

I feel abandonment when people don't call or text, I think i'm too needy but then puch away people who try to help. I'm a mess, I hate it.

OP posts:

HoopHopes · 22/08/2013 22:13

How did that appointment go on Wed? Do you have any follow yo or offer of support over the weekend. Have you ever tried phoning or texting the Samaritans? Sometimes it can be good to use them especially at the
weekends.

As you say you are seeking help and Samaritans are another source of help and available 24/7 which is useful.

What would help you do you think?

Original poster

Messupmum · 24/08/2013 22:40

Keep doing stupid things, been building up all week. Got thoughts of doing all sorts of things to hurt myself. Cut myself and it doesn't even hurt, I don't feel I'm real anymore, I don't seem to feel things like other people do. I wish a friend would just text me or come round, but I'm just annoying and a burden to them. No one understands.

OP posts:

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 24/08/2013 23:14

Text one of your friends. You aren't a burden. They probably just don't want to intrude. I'm so sorry things are tough for you OP.

Original poster

Messupmum · 24/08/2013 23:33

I don't know what to do, I've got a cut that won't close and keeps bleeding but isn't that big, about an inch, so feel stupid for getting it looked at, I have a cord around my neck which nearly made me pass out (sorry this is so bad, but the only place I'm anonymous and can say these things). I rang a friend but she's been out all day and just got into bed so I can't expect her to come round. I'm such a waste of space, I really am. I love my family so much but I am bringing them all down.

OP posts:

bluecheque4595 · 24/08/2013 23:37

Praying for you.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 24/08/2013 23:51

OP please call someone. Samaritans, your team, your friend, family, anyone. I am sending you good thoughts.

oneandnomore · 24/08/2013 23:53

Please call 999, and if you have anyone else in rl for support please call
them too.
Do it now lovely, please. (hugs)

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 24/08/2013 23:54

You are not a waste of space, you are ill. One day you will start to feel a bit better, and then a bit better again. I know it seems impossible but you can be happy again. Things are darkest just before the dawn. x

Original poster

Messupmum · 24/08/2013 23:54

My friend just said to ignore the bad thoughts, I can't! Family are away. Have no out of ours teams I can call. Starting to feel like I can't breathe.

OP posts:

bluecheque4595 · 24/08/2013 23:57

Can you find some way to distract yourself from yourself? Like, read a book, watch a film, think someone else's thoughts rather than focusing on your own self and your own feelings? Sorry if this is silly but it's what I do when feeling really down. Practice complicated time tables, try and speak in another language, recite a poem...

oneandnomore · 24/08/2013 23:57

Just call 999. Ask for an ambulance and give your address.
They will come and help you. Please call now

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 25/08/2013 00:01

I think it can be hard to ignore intrusive throughts. When you try not to think of something, that's all you can think about.

Some people say it's better to acknowledge the thoughts as they come and then let them go. Could you imagine locking your negative thoughts away in a safe or a filing cabinet?

Are there any good things at all that happened today? Even if it's just that you had a nice cup of tea or you are wearing your favourite socks?

oneandnomore · 25/08/2013 00:02

Are you still on here OP? We are still here for you.

Original poster

Messupmum · 25/08/2013 00:03

I feel Iike I'd be wasting their time. I would drive there but I don't think I can. Been distracting myself, nothing works, wish I could just go to bed but I know I'll wake up feeling the same.

OP posts:

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 25/08/2013 00:07

Please call Samaritans or visit a&e Messup. I think you need some help in RL tonight.

Practically, can you try and concentrate on taking big deep breaths? In for a count of 3, then out for a count of 3; then 4 then 5 etc.

We are all rooting for you and want you to get better.

oneandnomore · 25/08/2013 00:10

You won't be wasting anyone's time. You know yourself enough to know that your illness won't improve on its own.
You are posting here and receiving support. But you also know that you need rl help.
I need to go to bed know, but there is always someone around on here, whatever the time to hold your hand.
I'll check back later.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 25/08/2013 00:18

I agree with oneandnomore. You need more help with this. Someone who had broken their leg wouldn't expect it to heal by itself, they would get an expert to fix it.

If you can go to sleep now, I would do that and drive to a&e in the morning. You are not wasting anyone's time. You are a person and you are important.

Holding your hand.

Original poster

Messupmum · 25/08/2013 00:23

I can't sleep, I'm crying too much. Sorry about this.

OP posts:

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