This is so hard to put into words but I'm not feeling great mentally at the moment and I just feel so scared. I feel extremely strange, it's hard to put into words other than I don't feel right at all.
It all probably started 8 years ago after I had PND with DC1, nobody seemed to want to help despite me seeking help and it pretty much went untreated. I suffered PND again with DC2 5 years ago but this time seemed to get crippling anxiety as well as the depression. Once again I was bundled off with anti depressant's which didn't work, counselling was once again refused as I was not deemed "bad enough".
Since then I am really bad in social situations, I have no confidence and find being in these situations nerve wracking. I feel really ill afterwards. Every 6 months or so, I seem to go through a really crushing low, when quite frankly I don't know where to put myself. This is always coupled with crippling anxiety and I just feel really stupid and paranoid. I feel like everyone is laughing at me. I am aware that this is affecting me and I'm not coming across very well.
Please just hold my hand. I'm really scared to broach it with people after the dismissive and uninterested attitude I encountered from family and healthcare professionals last time. I am also scared of flagging this up in case SS get involved with the kids, I've never had any involvement with them before.