This is our Village, People! Need support? - Move In Here....

[ThatVikRinA22]

My Friends... theres no need to feel down
i said My Friends..Pick yourself off the ground
i said My Friends, cause youre in a new town
theres no need to be unhappy....

Our new thread folks (number 5!!).....i need to dash as im on nights but i will be back!
love to all. xxx

Hello everyone

Its been a good day today, thankyou God for the weather at last!!! Went to the church fete, DP was disappointed as the tool sale had meagre pickings . My cousin was serving teas - i'll say that again, my cousin was serving teas!! This is my scary cousin who made me look quite tame in my youth, who would scare even men in her time - was serving tea at the church fete! She has had some really difficult times to deal with so it was actually lovely to see her doing something like this. I felt a bit inspired by her i have to say, i've always looked up to her and she is one of the strongest people i know. Its nice to think that she has found some comfort. We didn't stay long but have been out all day, bumped into a mum from the school and arranged to meet them at the beach, the kids played for hours and both looked like mud monsters - we had to chuck buckets of water from the tap over them before they could walk home

I hope you guys have been able to enjoy the sun in some small way today. I hope you are feeling a bit happier today snowy xx

vicar your DD sounds like a star!

Hugs to bobbly, hoochy (thankyou, that was such a lovely thing to say), CiQ, Ed, Silvery, all of you xxx

I still get so much comfort from this thread, its like my anchor

UA - sorry that the begining of the day looked grim for you, but it did seem to pick up and now you are out to dinner :) Pleased that you bumped into your friend. I understand the isolation of this illness - it can be very isolating because we take things personally that when we are well would either go over our heads or we would actually realise that the other people are being twats! I enjoy my own company, but i know exactly what you mean, in fact i started a thread the other day because i felt just like you did, i had no one to call on for a coffee/chat.

snowy - hope you are feeling a bit better about the appt? is there any way you can ask to see someone else? or would that not help do you think?

try very hard not to think about the appts - just turn up as they happen - thinking too hard causes me anxiety so i now just dont do it - i turn up to things and thats as far as it goes - it works remarkably well - i keep busy before things that would potentially bother me so i dont get time to get anxiety stricken. Thats how im coping with work at the min - i dont tend to prepare for anything that worries me - i just go. I listen to music or the radio in the car, if you use public transport take some earphones and listen to music on your phone or mp3 if you have one - dont prepare, dont preempt, just turn up.

work was a bit shaky for me today and i feel like im getting one of "my" coughs/throats caused through the reflux - i have a sore throat and dry, rasping/barking cough - this is a bad sign. I always get really ill with any irritation to my windpipe as its damaged already by the acid reflux. I cant take any more time off work - just got to get through tonight then am off for a few days, but am praying i dont get worse.

I still feel very isolated at work. One person seems determined to undermine me no matter what i do. With this person i cannot win, they love to contradict every single thing i say or do, usually loudly and usually in front of supervision for added affect and to make them selves look better. i have a supervisor who likes a quiet life so tends to go with the loudest in the room to save themselves the time or trouble of an argument.

In the canteen i just dont feel comfortable with them. They watch absolute shite on the tv which i just dont find amusing, so i went and got my book, but then i feel even more disengaged and the odd. They talk about stuff i dont "get", tv shows that i might have watched when i was about 12....(balls of steel, celebrity juice, et al)

ive just one more night to get through....wish this cough would naff off though.

im waiting to see the surgeon about the fundoplication surgery - that might put paid to my throat troubles once and for all....

I don't think there is anyone else - CPN was anxious to get my meds changed and/or increased, so that needs a doctor. In fairness it would be difficult with anyone. Being in the moment seems a good idea, thanks vicar I just can't shake the fear. I'm sorry your reflux is so unmanageable ((((( (vicar )))))

having a tearful day.

Oh snowy

Can you breathe slowly and count your breaths as you do so? Or I have found that listening, just listening, to all the tiny sounds of the world, can put me in the moment.

Or there is the tennis final, that might help?

The rallies are soothing. Still not keen on the start of another week, but it can't be helped

Is everyone having a good weekend?

Sorry your day hasn't been great snowy, hopefully the tennis results have cheered you up a bit.

My day hasn't been brilliant - ended up at emergency dentist, had pain like i have never had before She has done emergency fillings but im not sure it was what was needed - DP said "she is the dentist" yeah i know that but the tooth she filled wasn't where i was having the pain I will try and find an NHS dentist tomorrow - wish me luck with that - thank god we get tax credits or even todays visit would have been a problem :( Rest of the day good - on the beach, DD had a brilliant day and was so good about missing her riding lesson as it was the time i had to be at the dentist. Now sitting here petrified that I might get more pain Have been taking NSAIDs but it says on the packet to consult doctor or pharmacist before taking. Shit. But to be fair, despite having a shit day toothache wise, its actually been a good day. I didnt have time to have the panic attack that was brewing in the waiting room of dentists as the nurse came to get me before i even had chance to sit down and its been lovely weather.

Hope eveyone else is enjoying the sunshine

Ouch LEM :( I hope you get sorted quickly! Well done for getting through it.

Just a quickie.

Lem I assume you are on an SSRI?

If so there is a risk of increased bleeding with the SSRI and an increased risk of bleeding with the NSAID (I kniw all about bleeding since my bruising episode).

When I was prescribed both (fluoxetine and naproxen) I was advised to take ranitidine with the naproxen to guard against stomach bleedimg and indigestion which I did.

In other news...I am feeling much perkier in genersl since being on venflaxanine or whatever it is called. I feel less tied to my bed. In general I feel a bit more confident and as though I have a bit more self esteem. I just feel like I have more get up and go. Not quite enough for a fully normal life but more than I have recently. My tremour has been getting a lot worse though since dropping the fluoxetine. Due for review tuesday.

I also feel a lot better physically. I have more energy. I don't have the constant malaise. I'm tired yes but thats through not sleeping well (I do keep waking regularly). But I am not so exhausted that I can't function.

I am still being vigilant on the bruising...still bruising a bit but not sure if thats just increased awareness.

Huge hugs and waves for all. I do read regularly even if I don't post.

Dental pain is sometimes 'referred' pain ie you don't feel it where it actually arises.

Had a lovely day here, and Durham was at its best.

Hi lovely villagers,

I've not posted in a while and I hope things are going ok for all of you. I'm sorry, but I'm just having a really bad couple of days. After feeling very anxious for a while, my GP increased my dose of sertraline to 200mg. I really thought the change had helped.

But I've started to feel bad again. I think the problem is mainly being anxious about becoming anxious. I smoke during the week at work and, for the past 6 months, have been wearing nicotine patches at weekends. I never used to feel the need to smoke at weekends but last year my anxiety got really bad and i started. I was getting by fine but my anxiety has returned full throttle these past few months. I feel like the patches aren't helping any more but my GP says the problem is psychological.

I had a nightmare on Saturday night that i was really anxious, feeling sick and desperate to smoke. I've felt bad since then and now i do feel sick, anxious and am smoking like a chimney. I feel like I'm going crazy. I really thought the increased sertraline was helping .

I just hate myself for doing this to my poor, lovely DH and family.

Hi everyone and (((Hugs))) to those who had a tough time over the weekend and esp to estelle.

Forgive me I can't remember your back story but really sorry to hear the anxiety is giving you such a hard time. Apart from the sertraline are you having any other treatment eg counselling? I suffer from anxiety but usually manageable, yoga type breathing, music helps as well as plenty of sleep. If you're working all week do you get any downtime?

Well dh came up with the goods on sat Had a lovely day. Lazy morning, then I had a horse-riding lesson (first in over 30 yrs!) Which was good. Then went to an open air concert which was fun in the sun.

Back to doc this morn to talk about anxiety. Had a good thorough discussion about recent symptoms esp anxiety and what was stressing me out over the next month. Pros and cons of switching to sertraline... decided not to at this point which I think is the right decision. Based on my reaction starting fluox she said it was likely I'd have side effects and switching would take 4 weeks which overlaps big time with school hols. Going back in three weeks and dep on how I am she may prescribe me some diazepam to help with stress re getting ready for and going on holiday which makes sense.

Feel a bit weird about it all really. But have had a productive morning buying a plant, sewing a temporary blind for (boiling) bathroom and repairing dhs trousers!

Thinking of you all x

Had a bit of a nightmarish morning. I have blood tests Mondays because of the antipsychotic I'm on, so I can get my repeat prescriptions on Tuesdays. My taxi was 1 hour 15 minutes late, on the plus side he didn't charge me, but it made everything awkward. I'm finding it very hard to be on the bus or in a taxi, because I can't just get off.

:( don't know what to do about Friday.

thinking of you snowy - try to put friday away until friday. Book the easiest way of getting there (taxi? or is there anyone who could take you/go with you?)

take something to distract you. music. book. something you can get absorbed in.

i know this all sounds flippant if you are having a particularly hard time getting your head around this because its something you dont want to do and is causing you anxiety - but just turn up - speak your truth, then home - think about how relieved you might feel after its over. Its just a tiny snippet of that day - think of a treat you can reward yourself with after the appt or on the way home.

Im not very well physically again at the minute - struggling a bit. Plus i am being very subltly bullied at work - there is nothing i can do about it - i dont feel i can say anything - its so subtle that im sure no one else has noticed - but i have.
3 people are really having digs at me at any opportunity.
1 is blatant - saying things that i know they think will hit a nerve for me - im doing very well to ignore it.
1 is arguing and contradicting absolutely anything i say - no matter what it is. if im too soft they scoff and laugh, if im more assertive they run to supervisor saying ive been "screaming down the phone" at someone i am the LEAST person EVER to scream at anyone. they dig all the time, i dont like killing anything, so i catch moths etc and put them out - but last night i hit a crane fly that came a bit too close for comfort (am scared of them) didnt meant to hit it - it was jsut a reaction, but they started going on and on at me. Then i tried to show a colleage something that someone had sent me on buzzfeed - was meant to be uplifting and cute - one was this marsupial that looks like its always smiling - one pic showed it asleep with its smiley face - so contradiction bully says "oh look - its dead" and starts laughing....its like everything i do or say they have to drag down - yesterday it was everything i said or did. tennis was good - no it wasnt it was shit and murray didnt deserve the win - its like this with every fucking thing i say.

then another said if i could would i get rid of all the crane flies on the planet....i said no - im not god -
so the number one bully says "i tell you what id get rid of...rats." and i know they ONLY said this because i have pet rats.....i feel like i just walk into it with every thing i say.

i didnt react and i was actually in the process of leaving their company anyway so i just carried on - its like no one else picks it up but i do - no one says anything and if i said anything then im sure i would get told i was being silly.

then another one starts going on about part timers.....im classed as part time now,

its just constant digs. its pissing me off. its bringing me down again. i feel like im hated and i have no idea why.

Ooo Snowy much love to you
You had a really tough morning, I hope that the rest of the day is better, it's a bit cooler in the evenings..
Don't even think about Friday, it's ages away, keep everything in the moment, breathe, just observe your breathing, and listen to the little sounds around.
I can hear some lovely birds here, don't know what the heck they are, maybe that's something good to learn. MiL can identify the little blighters by the sound they make, dead impressive, drat her!

to everyone reading, let's amble down to that pub when it gets cooler and enjoy the evening, a gentle breeze, something clinking in a glass...

((( Vicar ))) what a bunch of plonkers they are

ooh shove up hoochy, a nice glass of cider will do me!

Vicar, you are so much better than those idiots!

After today I'm not keen on the taxi, but buses are a pain (2 buses). I'll try and think of a reward, good plan. Some people are just very stupid , vicar :( I know that doesn't help as you can't get away from them. Thanks hoochy, sounds mindful.

One of my carers came over and blitzed my sitting room. Should surprise my CPN... It's amazing how quickly people can turn one room around.

Thanks for the hug, CIQ, I hope you enjoyed your horse riding lesson, what a lovely day for it! I have a mindfulness book and CD sitting on my bedside table - I really need to give it a proper go.

Thinking of you, snowy and vicar, you're both such brave, kind ladies.

vicar it isn't personal - it's just because you are different with different interests - it is just bullying for the sake of it iyswim.

As you say, you feel like you are hated. They want you to feel like that. But it doesn't mean they hate you, just that they are the sort of people who would pull the legs off a crane fly

BTW I used to have a phobia of crane flies, especially as I usually encountered them in the bathroom when I had taken my glasses off - and I am very short-sighted. But they are fellow creatures and I respect them as such, and even attempt to escort them out.

Your colleagues would laugh at me for this, I am sure. Tossers.

oh, left out - people...crane fly ie tormenting for tormenting's sake.

Hi all

estelle I too have a mindfulness book and cd sitting on a shelf! And yes riding was tricky but good thanks.

vicar so sorry to hear about your horrible and pathetic colleagues. Hope yr feeling a bit better for being at home.

spc I'm with you on the crane flies. The first year we moved here we found the so called garden hasn't been mown in months and the garden and soon house was alive with crane flies. Screaming woman with crane flies in hair. ..

snowy hope you get something fixed for Friday . Great to hear you got blitzed too!

lem and hoochy I'd love something tall, refreshing and alcoholic please but zero calories.

My insane alcohol and sugar cravings last week mean I put on 3 pounds I have a work reunion on sat and am worried everyone will think I have let myself go. .. hmm. Have eaten less today, am hoping I can keep it up plus get a bit more exercise in the vain hope of shifting 2 of them! Tired now. Still feeling a bit sad re decision at docs this morn - I guess it's taking away a bit of hope for a miracle cure by switching. ..