Love the new thread, it reminds me of my daughters naming where I made a speech saying that it takes a village to raise a child, and our friends and family celebrating with us were our village. I think we all need a village to raise us up sometimes. I will try to be on the thread more, it is a great support and it is nice to talk to people who understand, the days seem to get away from me lately and suddenly a week has gone by. Me and dp would like a tiny house with a couple of acres, since there is no way I will get away with moving to a village without room for some horses.
LEM I loved your list, it made me smile and cry in equal measure but thanks so much for the kind words. 
Nana Thanks for the great advice, I am on citalopram, but have only been on it for 4 weeks so they won't think about changing or upping the dose for another few weeks, its pretty much a case of waiting it out. Around here resources for mental health are hugely stretched, specialist services don't really get involved in simple depression unless there are psychotic symptoms etc. It is so difficult, I have seen it with my own patients. I had actually started taking the tablets, took 4 before dp got home and I stopped and came to my senses, but scared myself. But apparently that isn't a serious attempt to need any more care other than GP visits every other week. 
Thanks for worrying about me. I have been up and down this week since Tuesday, felt sort of detached and numb so had a couple of ok days lying in the sun but yesterday and today have been very down again, struggling to do anything and feeling suicidal yet again, although dp has hidden all the tablets and won't leave me alone so I feel safer now. I keep endlessly reliving horrible things from my marriage, questioning things, driving myself crazy, they go round and round in my head until I just feel empty. Was up until 2am last night, ended up waking dp to cry into his shoulder and scream into a pillow. I suppose I just have to trust that this will pass, and in the meantime remember to breathe. I should remember, I have a tattoo of the word breathe on my ankle.
Positive news though, we have decided to go to Spain for a week on Wednesday, booked the flights yesterday! Family have pulled together to have dd at short notice and dp's family have a flat by the beach that is free, so off we go. I know it won't be a magic cure, but being depressed on a Spanish beach has to be better than doing it here.