This is our Village, People! Need support? - Move In Here....

[ThatVikRinA22]

My Friends... theres no need to feel down
i said My Friends..Pick yourself off the ground
i said My Friends, cause youre in a new town
theres no need to be unhappy....

Our new thread folks (number 5!!).....i need to dash as im on nights but i will be back!
love to all. xxx

Pops in to distribute homemade golden syrup cake. But a word of warning. There is lots of sugar. Lots of syrup. And lots of calories.

It is a sought after recipe though.

Right now I must get out my fairy wings and exchange a pound coin for a tooth.

Hugs to all.

its never worried me, thought every one gets it?

what do you mean by independant of thoughts? ( sorry sometimes i dont understand very well)

i never tell myself to pull myself together, im normally to upset to think i could, if that reads right?

sorry if ive upset any one asking, most of what i do i thought was every day life for all but turns out it wasnt. just wanted to know if its just me being silly or something else i needed to sort out!

I think its quite difficult to describe mouses, if it has never worried you then to be honest, i don't think its a problem. By independent thought i would mean thoughts that are not seeming to come from you. I have conversations with myself all the time.

Fuck - its all gone so horribly wrong :(

My counsellor said to take better care of myself, to be kind to myself. To think more of myself - so i did that, i thought, you know what, i am a good person, sexy and just as good as anyone else.. So fuelled by this i go and buy myself a new top (from charity shop) and some cheap nail varnish. Came home, had a bath and did my nails - toes and fingers. Felt really good about myself, better than i have felt for AGES. Bit daft really getting all dolled up to pick DD up from school and help with the art class. DP didn't notice, i was a bit put out but not too miffed really. In my little fantasy in my head he was going to come home, tell me I looked lovely and offer to take us all out for dinner (somewhere cheap as we are skint) and all it was was a fantasy, in my head. Anyway, i have a blister on the top of my mouth from the hayfever, its fucking painful so i probably do look a bit po faced = he kept askin what was wrong, i said nothing - err, because nothing was wrong!! Anyway, made a jokey comment about a woman at his work, i didnt mean anything by it but he just got really angry with me - im very insecure (no shit sherlock!) and have had problems with him working with women before (but i trust him 110% its not that i think he will be unfaithful i really really don't , its just that i feel so second rate compared to these women) He came down from doing DDs bedtime and didn't speak so i said "arent you talking to me" etc - anyway it all went round in circles and he has walked out on me - he has never done this before, but he says its over and that he has had enough for me. I'm sat here thinking WTAF?? How did i get to this? I felt good FFS, but now im sat here not knowing where the fuck he has gone - i asked if he was coming back, he said he would but i don't think he will. He has taken what money we had in the house £300 :( and gone in the car. Left his phones here and told me not to bother to phone him as the phones are at home. DD is asleep upstairs and i have just made her daddy leave - why did i have to say anything - in all honesty i can't even remember what i said. Its 11pm ffs - where the hell has he gone??? How am i going to tell DD that he daddy has gone - oh god

((((lem))) wish I could give you a real hug. Sounds like he lost it tonight and needs some time to cool off. Horrible for you. It is hard on our partners and sometimes they loose it. I'm pretty sure vicars dp did the same a while back (hope I got that right vicar - v sorry if not!) Try not to think the worse - tho I do understand how hard that is. Most likely he will calm down and think about dd and you and be back. Take care, love x

aw lem, I dont know what to say, have you tried calling him? So sorry this has happened. maybe he will have a think and cool down and come home xx

hugs to you lem,

he may just need a breather, it can be hard on our DP's. wish there was more i could do / say.

i need to go to bed right now tho, my head is pounding. but will be back in the morning. hope your ok
x

he has not taken his phones, he told me not to bother to ring him because he is leaving the phones here - WTF, im not coping

Give him some space lem sounds like he needs to escape for a bit. Anything you can do to help you cope - music, snuggle with dogs, dare I say it chocolate, shower anything at all? Thinking of you x

Hes home, asking me why i am crying

hey lem

my DH is really supportive but just before i went back to work i lost it big time and walked out because he told me to go (or something like that) during an argument (we rarely ever argue) and it was said in the heat of the moment.
he let me go. he let me drive off while i was very ill with depression, he just didnt get it. It took for my friend to phone him and tell him that in the state of mind i was in back then that saying something like that was dangerous...

it was snowing and i hadnt a clue where i was going. Sometimes this illness makes us irrational - but its hard for partners to understand how fragile we can be feeling while still getting on with it....

I couldnt explain it to dh. My friend could because she has been there too.

I was ill for about a year i think, it took 5 months before i realised it, and it takes its toll on those we live with. DH is very calm and placid and while supportive didnt understand depression or anxiety. He didnt mean what he said, to him it was just and off the cuff remark said in the heat of the moment.
to me it was more than that, i took it to mean that i was unloved and unwanted.

remember this illness skews things.
He maybe just needed some space. He came back. He loves you.

Thanks vicar he went for a walk I remember your snow thread I was worried about you x thanks ciq mouses and notso.

How are you today mouses and snowy

Morning lem so pleased to hear your dp was back soon. Hope you can have a restful day together.

Woke up with c strong anxiety this morn, think cos fairly busy weekend ahead so will try and plan it out now.

Hope snowy and mouses are ok this morning x

morning all.
Lots happened on thread last night...
lem poor you , that sounds an awful night. did you get any sleep? have you been able to talk to dh and resolve anything? relationship stuff is so tricky, especially when you're unwell. Hope things are a bit better for you today.
snowy hope you're feeling a bit better today. I know you say that you can cope with your voices but it may be worth exploring with cpn what options there are to reduce them a bit? It must be very tiring having to argue with them all the time. do you have any strategies that help reduce them - if so are they still working?
mouses I would mention it at your assessment - probably best to mention everything at that stage so they know best how to help you.

hello everyone else...
rushing as I still need to get dressed

I am going to try and stay positive this weekend. going to break things down into chunks and do one thing at a time
right...first finish coffee and get dressed...back later

morning all hope every one is ok. lem glad to her he came back.

went to bed last night with a head ache feeling wobbly and shakey, hoping to feel better when i wake up.

got up a 7am still feeling the same so went back to bed (asked my eldest to watch DD... wrong i know!) couldnt get out of bed til 9:30 even that was a struggle feeling light headed.

hope during the day i feel better, got sooo much house work to get done.

glad to HEAR not her x

Hugs all round. LEM I suspect he did notice something was different, but not what, he thought it was something bad not good, and your disappointment added in to the mix and it all went pear shaped

Get dressed up again, perhaps? A cuddle?

mouses it could be that you just experience internal dialogue in a different way to most people. Are the voices positive or negative?

Still in bed have bed head dp gone to get bacon ill get up then!

silver, some times i talk about ending it all, how id do it. over times its a telling off, annoyed. never been positive, nothing like it'll get better or pull yourself together.

i cant remember word for word, its like im in bubble in my own world and when i come back to the room so to say i dont really remember that well, its sound weird juist writing it! but i know people talk to themselves so i was asking incase its not normal?

If the voices are negative then talk about it to your therapist, it is part of your depression i think and it may well be your own inner voice.

Well im up and dressed, we are going out to a country park - im level 3 done hair, nice top (not the new one, i ripped that one up last night becaues i was so upset) DP hasn't noticed

hasn't noticed the level 3! pfff, that was my first step in being kind to myself and its well and truly backfired. I think its because i look ridiculous and he is being polite :(

Im sure country walk will be nice though :)

Love to all

Mind talks about hearing voices . It's best to discuss it with your psychiatrist rather than exploring yourself.

I'm level 2, and I just want to go back to bed.

Have a nice walk LEM . I hope everyone is having a pleasant afternoon.

LEM you might have to tell him you felt/feel better enough to get a little dressed up. Sometimes we can expect too much mind reading from them.

I'm sitting under a shady tree by the pub with some Pimms. Anyone want to join me?

Sounds good snowy, especially as I am supposed to be cleaning the fridge.