This is our Village, People! Need support? - Move In Here....

[ThatVikRinA22]

My Friends... theres no need to feel down
i said My Friends..Pick yourself off the ground
i said My Friends, cause youre in a new town
theres no need to be unhappy....

Our new thread folks (number 5!!).....i need to dash as im on nights but i will be back!
love to all. xxx

Hmm...

Well I ran the craft session. Tidied the craft hall....cooked a roast...go me!

Done a bit of washing too.

I found your post very interesting CIQ
I find it hard to deal with social situations. I missed a BBQ recently and used the Parvo as an excuse (there is no way I would have been infectious).
I also had an abusive childhood.
My df had a nervous breakdown. I remember him being on medication. I remember him spending a long time in the bathroom before he went anywhere. I see similarities in the anxieties.

At the time my mum also had a physical illness that took a long while to be diagnosed. During that time (I would have been 14-16). I basically run the home during this time. Shopping. Cooking. Cleaning.

The way I look at it is that other people most definitely have tougher experiences. But that shouldn't detract from the experiences that you/we have had and the effects on us.

Good to see you Snowy. You don't need to keep up just to pop in and say hi. Good to see you.

Waves to vicar, hoochy, bassett, LEM, Nana, Bobbly, Helles, Notso, Glabella, anyone I've missed and all the lurkers

I am currently watching Scary movie 3. I don't watch much TV, but I am finding this very funny and very watchable if a little tacky. I quite like spoofs. I also watched most of despicable me with DD3 earlier (if I am going to be dragged to the cinema to watch the second one I need to know what it is about). I am recording the rest of it though so I will go to bed now.

Chill day tomorrow. Swimming lessons. DCs are going to see xp for fathers day...so I might get a nap. Need to do homeworks too....

have fallen off the thread, off to work just now be back later. hope everyone has a calm day

vicar you sound so positive about work. I love this other team and hope you can wangle an attachment.

ed there are a million reasons (slight exaggeration) for excess bruising - including, i gather, some mineral deficiencies. So there are a wide range of explanations from the easily solved to the very rare. Ignore dr google - the people on there are there for attention. They aren't going to go on and say "I get loads of beuises but since I started eating a balanced diet, it stopped".. Do you feel physically well?

hoochy hurrah! I am sure you will be brill. What format does the interview take? Is it just the traditional question panel or will there be some sort of skills element?

ciq perhaps the main point is it wasn't a healthy childhood. I have been warned by my counsellor about the "other people have it worse" viewpoint. She keeps reminding me that I didn't have what I needed and that is all that actually matters.

Since we are now a village, perhaps we should stop saying hello to "lurkers" as it makes them sound like peeping toms! Perhaps they could be the neighbours we haven't met yet? If you all agree, let me be the first to say: hello, neighbours

Counselling continues well. DS' s counselling continues well - apparently I have nothing to worry about. The only fly in my ointment right now is that some swallows are building a nest in the passageway between my front and back gardens. Now, I like swallows at a distance. Apart from anything else, they eat midges which, otherwise, would have eaten me. But the only place I can't have them nest is in that passageway as, because I am ornithophobic, the passageway is then off-limits to me until the autumn.

I really am feeling well lately. My dislike of my parents is still difficult to hide and cope with. It's difficult for me to accept that it's ok not to like people! Roll on ds being old mature enough to be home alone before and after school so that they will no longer have a hold over me.

morning all
ciq I too found your post v interesting. a lot of that could fit in my case too. My Mum had severe mental health probs, and was in hospital a lot from me being about aged 9 to 15/16. again, there wasnt really anyone else to look after me or my younger sister, so we did a lot of fending for ourselves whilst Dad was at work....I have clear memories of trying to cook the tea and do ironing at the same time when I was about 10 ish!!! I too now also hate social situations and avoid them if posisble. Interestingly though my job basically revolves around talking to people which I manage really well...odd!

ed craft session AND a roast...go you indeed!

hellesbelles I also have v difficult reelationship with my parents...it is hard.

nsb have a good day at work.

lem hope youre enjoying a nice wk/end

snow silverypussycat Hi
anyone I missed HI!

I had a totally rubbish nights sleep. kept waking up with VVV sore throat,wheezy, eyes streaming...damn hayfever
as a result am now in very fed up and irritated mood. struggling to get motivated to do anything. have brought dh breakfast in bed and cards etc for fathers day...but now need a plan of what to do next....
not helped by fact that ds2 is in v tired and grumpy mood too...
I suspect it's going to be a loooong day.

Good morning all, just about

morning snowy how are you doing today?

I feel crap today.totally crap. Have turned into shouty Mummy form Hell, hate myself for it, which makes me more fed up, hence more grumpy hence hate myself more .....etc....
feel just so massively overwhlemed by everything that needs doing, then feel guilty for not doing x or y or more reading with dc or nicer craft projects etc...feel such a failure as a Mother.....
I am soooooo tired
I just want to go and hide under the duvet and never come out

Sorry for ranting...just needed to vent...
Am going to go and give myself a good talking to and try to salvage a bit of the day....sob

Sorry about your vicious circle, bobbly I'm okish, wish the weekend was longer.

:( I am so pee'd off and ive probably just really damaged my relationship with DD1. Her DP let her down on her birthday, i got the rage and told her to LTB, to come home - she is now not responding to my messages. I shouldnt have said anything - fuck. Why do i let my hair trigger temper/anxiety button do this to me every fucking time, when will i learn to keep my bloody mouth shut

bobbly hope you got sorted and started feeling the family love again. I get that way a fair bit but I out myself as a grumpy sod and that seems to help.

lem there is never a good time for a LTB comment. The only time I welcomed my mother's opinion on my horrendous marriage was when I phoned her to tell her I had chucked out xh! She'll come round. Just give her some space for a day or so.

hi all

(snowy hope you are hanging on in there)

ive now got a week off. yay.

I was nervous, as yesterday (ie - the busiest night of the week) my supervisor decided it was time for me to go it alone again.

but it was fine. (more through good luck than good management i have to say) but ive come to reaise that the actual job is not what is causing me problems. was alone again tonight. I felt surprisingly ok. yesterday was the first time ive driven again, and i did a few blue light runs. Ive been busy tonight but deliberately so. i went from job to job to job. I didnt get my break but tbh i think id rather work than sit with a bunch of people i have nothing to talk about to. so its fine.

im now realising that its better to be totally reliant on myself - my instincts are good and im ok when i follow them.

i think i prefer to be alone. Ive been put on the busiest call sign again but i have found that i am not stressing as i used to do - clearly the sertraline is working.

i used to get so nervous, my stomach used to churn and i felt like i didnt have a clue what i was doing, now im feeling more relaxed, and im just doing what i want to do instead of asking for advice. its worked so far - early days as only been alone again for 2 days but am feeling ok.

so. going to enjoy some time off now, going to take DD shopping for her prom bag, pick her dress up, book her appointments, and spend some time at the stables. Going to get 2 new rats tomorrow for company for rescue boy.

ive got counselling again at the end of the month.

i have brought my works phone home but its switched off. and is staying that way until i go back to work.

i feel quite good. i had no idea how bad id become or how ill i was, but this is a measure of it. When i compare myself now to 6 months ago the difference is quite stark. Even though i was aware that the meds had made a difference i think im only just seeing how much of a difference.

im sneezy tonight, hope im not getting a cold. think its hay fever. (hope it is....dont want to be ill while im off)

might manage to catch up a bit on here now over next few days....

goodnight all and hugs to those still struggling. it can get better. its subtle, but it can.

x

I don't think it's just the meds, vicar - you are a resilient and resourceful lady.

bobbly I've been shouty mummy in my time. My kids are grown now, and fine.

LEM as helles says this will pass. My own relationship with DD(21) has its ups and downs, the downs hurt but so far we have always got past them...

• and to everyone else (one day I too will do a full name check ) Am happy and busy. Though still taking time to Get Started, am making good progress when I do.

Not feeling good at all today :( I feel i am a bit of a waste of space if truth be told. DP was talking about getting a tent yesterday, going camping - he THINKs it will mean cheap holidays, it wont be cheap and we still can't afford it. DD was asking about holidays this morning. We can't afford a holiday this year. Now thats not really the problem, lots of people can't afford holidays and we went away last year. What upsets me is that if i were to get a job we could afford these things - instead we living from hand to mouth, barely managing. This is because of me, because i can't motivate myself to get a job, something, any job, theres always an excuse. I am not liking myself very much at all today. I want DD to have a mummy that is happy and cheerful and always doing things - i said to her this morning, ooh, it will be the summer holidays soon. She expressed her disappointment - she would rather be at school than spend time with me. The reason, because im boring and shouty and pretty self indulgetn, just like this post.

Sorry - everyone seems to be doing so well and im letting everyone down AGAIN.

Hi LEM saw your thread about DD1, as well as here. I imagine the thing with DD1 is floating around unhelpfully in your mind, just to add to it all

When we had no money for holidays, I imagined in my mind during the summer hols that our own house was a holiday cottage. Just this slight fantasy was enough to change things for the better a bit. Camping seems like hard work to me!

I wish i could be more like you, Vicar - but the slightest thing and i crumble and walk away - my family deserve so much better than this, but i just dont seem capable

Yes TSP i can't imagine my DD2 would enjoy it actually. I think its just DPs way of TRYING to get us on holiday

The job thing - as I have said before, I would let it go for the time being, and focus on getting the rest of your life running smoothly. When it is, that would be the time to think about paid employment. Do you like hunting for bargains? getting best deal on electric? making stuff, mending, DIY or stuff like that? I always think of any savings I make by my own efforts, as income I have earned-through-saving.

Put the camping budget towards some days out that all will enjoy. I find a day's activity then a day's rest/chilling, then another day's activity worked well (and still works well for me alone, as I need downtime, and processing and reflecting time). and sometimes a nap

(((Hugs))) lem will be back later...

Oh hugs LEM

Hugs lem

I know I feel a lot like that some days...sometimes most days.

Thanks everyone - am trying to muster energy to clean bathroom - its hardly rocket science but...........

(Well you are doing better than me...I am trying to muster the energy to get out of bed)

i will if you will................!

I'm up. I'm dressed (old style level 2). I'm going to the pet shop for some cute and fury therapy (I blame vicar for starting this).

I have a fever...again....

Am manageing to resit the furry therapy - my two dogs would think they were dinner! But i have done the bathroom - just a basic clean, the walls need cleaning but i can't be arsed. DD2's school play soon