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Original poster

I hate life

57 replies

dontcallmehon · 04/05/2013 23:27

My dh says I have no empathy and I'm not a nice person. I'm horrible to everyone. Left my ex employer's last year after having bad time with depression. I started tutoring (was a teacher). Got a phone call from teacher at my old school saying I'd questioned her marking. I tutor a girl in her class. I hadn't. She was horrible to me. Wrote a letter to the school asking that they don't ring me at home as I don't work there anymore. Got nasty letter back. Feel like no one wants me here any more. I seem to make people hate me without meaning to.

OP posts:
dogsandcats · 04/05/2013 23:34

Do you think you have empathy?
Do you think you are a nice person?
It is difficult for me to have an idea based on your one post.
Was your DH and you having a row when he said it?

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 04/05/2013 23:38

No I'm not nice. I don't do anything nasty.i just don't like small talk much or big groups of people. I'm just me.

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Original poster
dontcallmehon · 04/05/2013 23:40

I think my ex employer was very wrong to ring me at home too and accuse me of being a liar. It is stopping me sleeping. I'm not the most empathic person but I do care about those I'm close to.

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dogsandcats · 04/05/2013 23:46

What is your dh like?
I think there are plenty of people who dont like making small talk, or find big groups difficult, but that does not automatically make them not nice imo.
What are you like with people one to one?

Are you very judgemental of lots of people? That can put people off other people.

I am wondering whether you are a bit down right now, and small things are adding up and becoming overwhelming for you.

The incident about the school doesnt sound nice at all. And it would be quite easy to get quite upset about that.
Did your DH approve and support you in what you did about the school?

dogsandcats · 04/05/2013 23:49

Bit of a cross post.
Yes, I think the school incident has rattled you. And maybe your DH has not been very helpful or supportive?

Can you describe a bit more what happened with your ex school, as I am finding it a bit hard to follow that bit.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 04/05/2013 23:50

Yes he did. He gets irritated with me though. I can be judgemental and a bit righteous at times, but I'm pretty quiet if I don't know someone well. He said sorry, but I'm ignoring him. Incident with school has triggered it I think. Can't cope with it. I left as it was unhealthy atmosphere but feel like I can't escape and they can still harass me :(

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Original poster
dontcallmehon · 04/05/2013 23:55

I tutor a girl from the school I used to teach at. She asked me for my opinion on an essay she'd written and I gave her some advice verbally. She handed it in to school and her teacher gave it a top grade, higher than I had suggested. I didn't undermine the teacher, as I didn't know it was a school essay and it hadn't been marked. The girl's mum rang school. She said that she wasn't happy with this teacher and mentioned that I had given this essay a different mark.

Ex colleague phones me at home to basically tell me I've undermined her and to shout at me. She wouldn't listen to me at all :(

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Original poster
dontcallmehon · 04/05/2013 23:56

I complained to head, asking for them not to ring me again and got a horrible letter back, suggesting I was a liar.

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dogsandcats · 04/05/2013 23:58

I think there are 2 issues here.
Your husband has said sorry. In my book, if someone says sorry, I forgive them and move on.
Hopefully you can do that too. We all make mistakes and need forgiveness from time to time.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 04/05/2013 23:59

I am good with people one on one. If I like them and am comfortable.

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Original poster
dontcallmehon · 05/05/2013 00:01

He's gone to bed now.

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dogsandcats · 05/05/2013 00:06

The school incident is very unfortunate.
I was going to say that it was unfortunate that the girl you were/are tutoring is from your old school, but I guess that is to be expected as regards tutoring.

I think you were unlucky that the girls mum rang school.
And unlucky that the teacher happened to be an ex colleague who got so cross.

I think you have to put it down to being just one of those things. I think we all have incidences in life, where things go a bit awry. Not really through any fault of our own. Or perhaps we may have partly contributed, but ended up in a situation going quite badly askew.

They are horrible I know.

I think, ultimately in this case, that you need to see it that your ex colleague is being unreasonable, not you.
hth

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 05/05/2013 00:12

I think you're right. But she would write my reference if I needed one and my dc are meant to go to that school. I'll be ok. I'm working so hard too, I really want to succeed but it's a struggle.

Dh is lonely as I work weekends and evenings. I'm tired but can't sleep. Can't stand thought of people hating me. Can imagine them all talking about me.

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Original poster
dontcallmehon · 05/05/2013 00:12

Thanks for your help too :)

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dogsandcats · 05/05/2013 00:20

hmm. How soon might you need a reference?
I am inclined in life to try and cross a bridge when I come to it.
I would try and see it as, you only have a problem when you have a problem iyswim.

I dont know how big the school is. Or when your dc might go there. Again, that is not a problem for right now.

Glad I have been able to be of some help.

As for your last paragraph. Cuddle husband when he wakes. Just lie in bed resting if that is all you can do. Rest is still good. I dont think anyone likes people hating them. But sometimes it really is the other person that is the problem, and a lot of peole should be able to see that. Dont know if they would all be talking about it. I doubt it. But if they did,you did not do anything wrong.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 05/05/2013 00:23

I'm self employed and planning to open a tutoring centre. So hopefully I will never need a reference. It's 5 years till dd1 will go to high school. I just don't like thinking that almost ten years of a career can be wiped out like that.

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Original poster
dontcallmehon · 05/05/2013 00:26

Thanks, I feel better knowing that it doesn't sound as if I've done something so terrible. I know I'm right, but I can't help questioning myself. It helps to talk on here as dh is fed up, as I keep going round in circles.

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dogsandcats · 05/05/2013 00:28

Sorry. I dont understand your last sentence. How will ten years of a career be wiped out?[apologies, it is late, so I am struggling to understand that point].

dogsandcats · 05/05/2013 00:29

Glad you know you are right. We are making progress!

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 05/05/2013 00:30

They won't really. More that I feel that all the good I did in ten years will be forgotten because of a misunderstanding.

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dogsandcats · 05/05/2013 00:34

No. One misunderstanding cannot wipe out 10 years.

I need to go to bed now. If I think of anything else, I will post again in the morning.
I hope you will be able to sleep or rest a little better now.
Good night.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 05/05/2013 00:36

Goodnight. :)

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dogsandcats · 05/05/2013 07:39

Good morning.
I hope you had some rest or sleep.
And I hope you feel a little better about all this this morning.

Original poster
dontcallmehon · 05/05/2013 21:21

I did. I was working today from 9 till 9, so just got back. I'm just angry because I feel that an injustice has been done and I can't do anything about it. I'm sure you're not allowed to ring ex-employees at home like this either.

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Ilikethebreeze · 05/05/2013 21:30

My guess is that they shouldnt have done that. Dont know. I suppose they can ring up anyone they like?
So even if you were a tutor who had never worked at the school, they could still have rung you?

Are you part of any tutor organisation or club or something. So you could ring them for expert advice?