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that light at the end of the tunnel isnt a train....stay on track!

970 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 02/05/2013 23:31

thought we had better have a new one - old one nearly full. Think this is our 4th thread now....

linky to old one here

so, here we go....title a little more optimistic than i feel but im sure i will get back on track soon.....not doing bad particularly, just feeling a bit consumed with things....work is so intense. id forgotten.

anyway....nuff of me. over to you guys....
hope everyone manages to find us to say "hi"....welcome old and new.

OP posts:
bassetfeet · 05/05/2013 23:03

So pleased you like it CIQ . It resonates with me . good old mumsnet that got us all together . I hope those lurking feel able to come and chat .

ThatVikRinA22 · 05/05/2013 23:18

that brought a lump to my throat basset. how lovely. and what a lovely legacy for these threads.
my work is done. Smile

OP posts:
EdwiniasRevenge · 06/05/2013 00:38

Wow. I came to bed early and have just spent 20mins catching up on the thread!

lem you sound exactly like me. You can be my new twin :). I was doing pgce placement with lots of other external pressures. Think the pgce was the glue that was holding me together. I took a 4m break from pgce and think I was crumbling invisibly inside. Then I returned to pgce. And crack. I fell into a million little pieces. Amd as you describe it isn't so much the stress of the job per se. It is the fact that it has crippled my confidence and self esteem. I find it interesting that someone (nana?) Described you as being a perfectionist hence causing the huge demands of your time for a relatively small teaching load. Thay describes me PERFECTLY.
Anyway 6 weeks into treatment (fluoxetine) I felt EXACTLY as you describe. Almost worse than before the meds. And being sciency I tore myself into pieces trying to blame the meds for the downturn in the way I was feeling. Had a review by the gp. She doubled my dose. I was hugely sceptical. 2 weeks later I could see improvement. Hang in there. I think your sciency analytical brain is going into overdrive trying to rationalise the unrationalisable...which makes things worse. Your lack of confidence is adding to the burden of questions and rationalisation going around your head. The words that you right sound like exactly the sort of thing I would have written (and if you track down the old threads you will probably find them) at the end of last year. I have to say only feel as though the treacle I've been wading through hhas been getting thinner over the last 6 weeks or so.

vicar I am glad you are sounding a little more upbeat than you were yesterday. Stay strong.

Good to see you back nana you have so much experience to share (unfortunately).

Waves to everyone else....we are on a new page so can't remember what everyone is up to...someone was colouring in there garden room....but I can't remember who...don't think it was ciq though...but I picture a very picturesque mis marple svene with cane furniture and lots of overgrown looking green plants with huge leafs getting in the way everywhere.

Thankyou for the poem bassett I struggle with literay works but I could see meaning in that.

Waves to snowy silvery migsy and hooch...and where is our mrs motivator helles????

Now for my day. Feeling quite pleased with myself. Didn't do loads. In fact I was quite sluggish but think I got a good balance between work and rest.

:) up by 9.30. Dressed to level 3
:) swimming lessons for dd3
:) I have 1 less mouse in my garage. Safely released over the local park
:) 2-3 loads of washing.
:) dry washing put straight away instead of adding it to the dreaded pile waiting to be put away.

:( I had a nap. Neighbour took dd3 out for the afternoon...so I 'encouraged' dtds to go swimming...and whilst they were all gone I slept for about 90mins...

Right. Bedtime.

hoochymama1 · 06/05/2013 09:08

Good morning lovely ladies! Waves to snowy,silvery , vicar, amazing poem bassett, thanks for the incredible wisdom nana. Lem and Edwina I was a teacher before during my first depression, I got targeted and bulllied in work due to a ghastly headAngry, I too am a perfectionist and worked far too hard.
By doing something different I thought I'd solve the problem, but I have found that I'm still me, a person who is mentally ill with depression, and I have to engage with the meds this timeBlush. Thanks Nana I'm in a good supportive team atm, I have 40 ish days left of placement. I was thinking of jobs afterwards but I've now got more real. I just want to get better.
I think MH is one of those very, very slow recovery things, give it time.
It's a beautiful day here but I really hate Bank holidays. This thread has given me permission to slob, and I might not move beyond 1 all day.
I too go to church, I just feel that god is a nice person and he likes me! What is good for me there is talking to other people, and it's comforting.
I feel sick and jittery, going to the GP on Friday as it will be almost a month I've been on these. I don't know if they are working for me or not! I though t I'd feel better by now, is this normal after 3 weeks? Is that early days?

LEMisdisappointed · 06/05/2013 10:58

Morning everyone I have to ask, why you chose that name? I have a friend who has a huge crush on edwina currie, I often tease him about it - he's very right wing, poor sod, can't help it!

I'm level 3!!!! more by accident really.

Very stressed about money :(

Ed i don't think i have "met" Hellesbelles yet, where is she i wonder if she hasn't picked up on this new thread? Oh an you do know that you have to release the mice at least a mile away? I used to put them in a fish tank (obviously minus the water and fish) wait until we had five or six and then release them in the local woods.

Basset - those are lovely words and sums up how i feel about this thread.

Hoochy - hiya, i bet the bastard bullying head was a short-cut taker, i found this with my line manager, i would spend HOURS preparing a lesson and she would just grab something off TES online, literally minutes before the lesson and present it - she said this was what i should be doing, i tried it, some of the stuff on there was brilliant but other stuff, not so much (in fact they were quite rubbish and worryingly inaccurate) I just found this made me too anxious. But anyway, thats behind me now - i wont be following teaching as a career and feel OK with it. I am not sure what i want to do next - i'm 42 and probably running out of time tbh. Did you say what meds you are on? It can take a while for things to kick in and im experiencing similar - im about 6 weeks in and thinking back to the first time, i think i did this - felt good for the first week, then felt bloody terrible and had my dose increased. So hold on - it will get better. Im going back to my GP this week.

I am struggling with church at the moment - my DP doesn't believe, my DD doesn't like it and whilst i do care for my priest (he was the priest at my school when i was young, hes that old!) , he is a boring old stick in the mud even by catholic standards and i find it hard to get past. I have also, in the past couple of years, had something happen to me that has basically rocked my trust in religeon, or rather its officials, ironically, not the catholic church but it has really shattered some illusions for me - i can't talk about it as im ashamed, i'm very angry about it because i think it has taken my faith away from me (not that i don't believe) but i don't feel i am able to be in a church without thinking about it and feeling so very bad. Its a shame because i find so much comfort in the catholic rituals - probably just becaue they remind me of when i was a child but this has been smited really now. Angry I am angry because it was partly my fault but I will never see certain parts of the church in the same way again.

Nana I do have an older DD, i don't talk about her much in terms of day to day family life because she is 22 now and lives with her DP, shes a lovely girl, our relationship is one more of friends than mother and dauhghter, i wish we were closer though - I am seeing her today but only because she is doing a stall in the local may fair. She lives about 20 miles awy and works long hours - im so proud of her. She's a rebel but kind hearted and will do anything for anyone, but she wont be pushed around, she's lush :) They have a great flat, on the seafront - beautiful view. I dont know if he is "the one" but well, its been 5 years now so maybe. I have told her im too young to be a grandma!!

CIQ hows things? Snowy? are you feeling brighter today - like i said, don't worry if you feel crappy, i think your good news may have put you on a high and i think we (everyone) invevitably can feel a bit of a come down. I could of course be wrong but I hope you are OK.

I am just off to the local mayday celebrations - always a challenge, I have a phobia of morris men Blush Grin I am like a cat on a hot tin roof at these things. tee hee

Hugs to you all - have a good day xxxx

hoochymama1 · 06/05/2013 11:20

Ooh Lem have a good day! Just got an invite from the neighbours for a barbie but turned them down, all I want to do is curl up on the sofa, and read, and cuddle a hot water bottle. DS's are studying, one doing GCSE's one doing A levels, i feel such a crap mumSad.
DH has gone to work all day.
I'm an anglican Lem- catholic lite?! But I'm sorry you had such a bad experience, there are ar**es everywhere, including the church Shock.
Lots of love to everyoneSmile.

SnowyMouse · 06/05/2013 12:10

Nothing wrong re: wanting to curl up. What people are saying about highs makes sense Confused

I think I'll have a quiet day, not motivated to do more decluttering.

LEMisdisappointed · 06/05/2013 14:31

Hoochy - i'd pick curling up with a book over a BBQ any day of the week, i don't really like social event when im well. So certainly nowt wrong with doing just that. What book do you have?

Just came back from the May fair, loads of people, lots of old tat on the stalls, apart from my DDs stall of course. They were doing really well, very proud of her, she looks like a 1950's film star Grin

I'm enjoying being out of the sun, i forgot to take my meds this morning, i must take one in a bit.

Too hot for decluttering snowy - put your feet up xx

SnowyMouse · 06/05/2013 15:33

Thanks LEM, I think I will. Smile Nice day for a fair.

Unfortunatelyanxious · 06/05/2013 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LEMisdisappointed · 06/05/2013 18:03

Sorry you are feeling rubbish UA - i hope you feel better soon. Its been a funny sort of weekend.

bassetfeet · 06/05/2013 18:04

Afternoon all Smile

LEM your daughter sounds delightful . I love fairs and tat..the dog shows .... You sound as though the sun has helped a bit . Hope so x

Snowy Good idea to put feet up today . Have you anything tasty for tea ? I have made fish pie with something lurking in the freezer . Cheated and used frozen mash . Smells ok so far Hmm.

Hi Hoochy nice to meet you [hugs Hoochy to ample bosom ]. Hope you are having a perfect slob day and it is so allowed here .

ED your lists of stuff done makes me sweat without leaving my chair .
You so underestimate how fabulously you are doing . I so love your crochet toys ...the attention to detail /the tiny turns and sewing needed.
That tells me you have very fine tuned skills re focus . Practical skills for now but the scientist in you also .The perfectionist oh yes x

Nana your posts are brimming with care and support Flowers . Unique as I see you in my mind as I read them and the image is so comforting and kind . That head monster is asleep thank goodness for now and hopefully for the future with your med combination . Agree fully re brain chemistry. If we need meds to sort the serotonin then so be it and if we need to take for life then that is fine too. Wise lady x

Vicar Ah our cheer leader Grin. So proud of you for making a complaint . So so justified. Understand that you cannot now comment anymore re work . Best off internet sites and it is sensible as you know.
I am so looking forward to hearing your plans for your horse . I love to read about the jewel sisters ....so dont go AWOL . XXX

Silvery where are you ? Hope you arent getting up to mischief Wink.

CIQ I hope you are having a good day . Your compassion and wisdom leap from your posts . xx

It is interesting to read back over posts and see how many of you were in education and highly qualified . The rest of us seem to have been in people centred work . The perfectionist in us all seems to be the common link that lead to the meltdown .
I must add here that my musings are only to this thread and so not making random post re others who are struggling with us with different background .not at all . This hell affects too many of us for that .

Helles ..where are you ?

Hug to anyone I have missed . I hug even thought it is not mumsnet speak . Bugger that .

Been up to see my younger son today . He is sorting his garden . Had to laugh though . This lad hoovers constantly and shakes cushions when you stand up Confused . The same lad that ..oh well you guess in his childhood home . Dog was ecstatic to see me and did puppy dance and went all squirmy . Fed him a treat or two behind sons back .
wont do it with future grand kids though . Mumsnet has taught me that thank goodness.
Hope you all have nice evening .Brew Wine x

TheSilveryPussycat · 06/05/2013 18:18

basset am struggling tbh. Just lack of motivation. Nothing naughty till Weds at the earliest, am trying to make the bedroom less like a rubbish dump Blush v v slowly but am gritting my teeth and getting there. It is just overwhelm, I will get a handle on this.

Sorry, not replying to all atm, also wonder about Helles though.

EdwiniasRevenge · 06/05/2013 18:20

Quicky from me.

basset your words are so tender and so uplifting. You are a huge asset to this thread.

lem I had read 1km away, which it would have been, although probably not a mile. The fact that it wasn't an adult mouse I am also hoping that a shorter distance would be sufficient. After a live catch and release I am considering using a live trap for the rest rather than poison...

I will be back later. Tea is almost ready...

SnowyMouse · 06/05/2013 18:22

Sounds nasty UA, I hope things settle for you.

That's a helpful round up, basset Smile

Thanks, I'll take a Brew and a nice evening to you too!

bassetfeet · 06/05/2013 18:27

hey so sorry to read this Silvery . I honestly do get the lack of motivation and how overwhelming it all gets.
Sometimes it is better to just let the whole crap go for a day or two and stop forcing ourselves .
You are wise and know yourself best of course Flowers .
I cant yet garden or do much housework without gnashing my teeth to shreds either . But still cook and put stuff in washer now and then .
Thinking of you x

TheSilveryPussycat · 06/05/2013 18:31

Hah, I am a past master at the letting the crap go for a day basset Grin That's why I need to get off my arse now, plus the garden seems to want to keep growing! but is just going to have to grow...

bassetfeet · 06/05/2013 18:39

I hate that bastard grass also ..dont mention the weeds .....oh am with you Silvery . Best to rename it a wildlife garden Grin.

ThatVikRinA22 · 06/05/2013 19:11

evening everyone.

also wondering where helles is - and the other hels also....wish mamakoula would pop back to let us know how its going to.

thank you for the encouragement everyone re work - it really shook me. im ok now i think. Its time i stood up for myself though. so i am.

ive had today off, so dh and i went to a common to walk the dog (1 1/2 hours! she was knackered!) she had a hair cut yesterday and we have had her on a diet and she looks so much better.
so now ive got to get on a diet...wil start on shopping day. need to lose at least 10lb.
also need to start to run again due to fitness tests coming in this year.

im going to go and run a bath now, let the jewel sisters have a free range in the bathroom and do my homework for counselling tomorrow.

back to work tomorrow so best move myself....

OP posts:
ColouringInQueen · 06/05/2013 19:15

Hi everyone,

what a lot of lovely posts today Smile have spent 15 mins catching up! But apol if I miss anyone. Hi Vicar, SPC hope you're hanging in there.

Ed I think you're spot on with your comments about over-analysing how we are, whats the illness, whats the drugs... def something I'm guilty of too. Interesting to hear about the effect of your increase of fluoxetine. You sound pretty busy - good effort!

LEM another 42 yr old here Wink Sorry to hear you're struggling with church - and not at all surprising given a bad experience, DH and DD. Mine struggle with church (its boring) but we have a little sunday school type session for some of mass which helps. Our priest is 84, all the priests around here are in their 80s... Really lovely to hear about your DD and I bet you were so proud of her at the fair Smile

Hoochy I've started to come round to your way of thinking re: very very slow recovery. I can see I'm better since Jan but there's still a long way to go imo. Not sure if I've missed what your placement is but good for you for managing to keep it up! Nice to hear your comments about god and nice people at church. I think three weeks is pretty early days to be honest and it may be that you need an increase in dose to see a more significant improvement. Just be honest (as I'm sure you are!) with your GP about how you're feeling, what you're able/not able to do etc...

Basset thanks for your lovely kind words. Only this morning I was thinking the same thing about the amount of brain power and people-centred occupations going on here. Like you say, probably a lot of perfectionism too. Probably guilty of that. How did the fish pie turn out? I was not a perfectionist and opted for supermarket pizza on the lawn. A good plan. Grin to hear about your sons dog. And sorry that you're gnashing your teeth over gardening and cleaning - do hope it starts to ease soon.

snowy hope you had a good restful day. Def too hot for decluttering!

UA really sorry to hear about your worse anxiety. That is so tough. Really hope it calms down soon. Seriously impressed you managed to get tidying and cleaning done tho - a v good way to put that agitation to good use.

I am collapsed on sofa - completely run out of steam. But haven't done badly for what has been a pretty active day with no respite. Got a bit of a lie in, then headed to nearby NT place (with about 1000 other people it turned out - queue to get into carpark had me feeling sick...) But we managed a little boat trip and I managed to keep the anxiety under control. DS had a friends party this pm and DD and I sorted out her summer clothes. DH feeling under the weather. It still freaks me when he's not himself as I panic its his depression coming back Sad. I have a lot of stuff that needs to happen - sorting DS party, some new clothes, sandals for kids, my bedroom is a pit etc... but also trying to pace myself as DH is away Thurs - Sat which I am really not looking forward to. y Dsis is staying over Thurs night which is great and I am hoping she can do the kids bedtime as that's my least favourite thing at the end of the day! Have to go... DD pestering... hopefully back later.

xxxxxxxx

bassetfeet · 06/05/2013 19:55

I missed your post somehow UA . Agitation sums the hell up .
Do you think you are bipolar ? You are under huge distress at the minute so things can be blurred . So sorry to read this .

I get the agitated feeling at night and rock constantly/pace the floor .
The only thing that helps is to focus on the sounds and sights around me .
Mindfulness they call it . Sip ice cold water and breathe the 5 inhales and 7 out or whatever . First aid I call it .
Hope this isnt patronising .....so not meant to be . Anxiety is beyond hell day in day out . You have so much to deal with and you will do it bless you .
hug xx

NanaNina · 06/05/2013 21:33

Coo such a lot of posts - I day dreamed in the deckchair today in the sun, wondering about you all, and wondering where you lived and what you looked like!

Lem really glad you have a good relationship with your GP as this is so important. You won't I'm sure have to press for a referral to a psych if that's what you think you need, as she will probably be ok with it, if it is going to help. I was just thinking of some male GP thinking you wanted to "go over his head" (I know I shouldn't make blanket assertions about males! comes from my 1970s feminist days - remember them SPC?) In fairness most of the male GPs at my practice are very courteous and competent but I do have a lovely woman GP but you can never get an appt because she is so popular, but I ask if she will ring me (do all surgeries do this consultation by phone if you ring before 11) and she gives me an appt.

Oh before I forget Bassett thank you so much for that wonderful poem. I have copied it out to send to my 2 closest and dearest women friends. Do you know who wrote it.

Interesting that there is talk of religion/going to church on here. I was brought up as a Catholic and my parents were staunch Catholics till they died. I am now lapsed.......this sounds familiar - think I might have said all this before - if so sorry. Someone (maybe Bassett) said that church just seemed a restful place. I know that feeling especially if they are empty and you wonder in them by chance. In France on holiday one year we did this to get out of the heat and as if my magic some wonderful singing started (no it wasn't the heavenly angels, but a choir practice!) I always light a candle and sit and think at such times.

My son and dil and g/chdrn live in the republic of Ireland which is Catholic and when I am there I do go to mass, and all my childhood memories come back. Mind when I was a kid, the mass was Latin and seemed so much longer.....Lem I do hope you don't mean what I think you might mean when you talk of some incident/experience making you "lose" your faith. The thing is for me that Catholics still teach the "creation theory" and this just doesn't make any sense at all now that we know so much about the evolution theory. As a scientist Lem you surely can't believe in that "creation theory"??? I remember as a kid asking difficult questions and being told by teachers that it was a "mystery of faith" hmm ....I didn't really swallow that then and I certainly don't now. The other thing is all the sexual abuse that has gone on with Catholic priests over the years, which has been swept under the carpet. Sorry I'm pretty sure I'm repeating myself.

UA so sorry you are having such a grim time, and I know that your sister has bipolar disorder, and that you could possibly be diagnosed with the illness. Would it be better if/when you are properly diagnosed so that you can get the right treatment. A friend of a friend has bipolar and she manages very well so long as she takes the meds, but has to have regular blood tests related to the drug she takes (lithium) I think. I read a book by Kay Redfield called the "Unquiet Mind" - she is a psychiatrist with bi-polar and I'm sure you could get it from Amazon if you wanted it. I read it long before I was struck down with mental illness but remember being very impressed with her ability to try as far as possible to get control over the illness.

Ed It was me colouring in the little garden room. Hope that doesn't sound pretentious. It is a little room (so can't call it a conservatory) and we have only had it for a couple of years with the money that DPs dad left us when he died. It replaced an old coal house that had been here since we moved in in 1975! It is a lovely room, with glass doors and nice big windows, and yes a few plants and comfy chairs. We don't really use it that much so I like to use it in the light summer evenings. I am nowhere near as slim or serene as Miss Marples though, with her little bun and intent expression! Incidentally I did say I wondered if Lem was a perfectionist, rather than diagnosing her!!

Your posts always make me smile and I found myself wondering about you and your girls this afternoon in the sun!

Hoochy yes I think 3 weeks is "early days" and I think you mentioned back along that you were starting to feel better, and you are managing your placement too. I had a really bad start in my social work training (it was CQSW in those days) and it was 2 years in college but we were out on placement within the first 2 months. My first placement was a real ordeal. My little boy was only 6 and had to be looked after after school and my eldest son was 12 but I had been at home for most of those years, so going out and doing the course was a big deal. My supervisor was a pernickity little chap (I later found out I was his first student) I just felt so out of my depth and remember crying on my way to work and was not mentally ill then, though thinking about it, it does suggest that I had a big reaction to the stress I felt.

I think you are between a rock and a hard place with teaching and social work to be honest. Public services in my experience run on goodwill. I used to routinely work around 50 hours in my first years (instead of my 37.5) until I became more confident. Mind I did love my job and feel I was very fortunate to have a job I loved. I saw such poverty and people existing on the margins of society, without any hope of anything better really.

Hello to everyone else. Incidentally is anyone on FB. My dil got me on it, and I love it cus I get to see photos of my grandchildren and keep in touch with my many nieces, nephews, great ns and nphs and even great great ones! My lovely grand daughter has just turned 13 and is allowed on FB so it's lovely to "talk" to her and have a nosey at what she's doing! though I see her every week.

Yes there is a lot of brain power on here Basset and people centred occupations. I would love to volunteer for Samaritans, but not sure I'd be accepted - depression took away my confidence. My close friend is a Sams volunteer and says that 80% of the calls and e mails are mental health related.

All for now.........think I've said quite enough!!

LEMisdisappointed · 06/05/2013 22:03

Nana its interesting, I am always astounded, as a biologist, how complex living things are, and further than that, as I am sure Ed will agree with her physics teaching the structure and complexity at even the atomic level. People have asked me how i can still believe in God - i find that being a scientist re-enforces my faith because nothing that complicated can just happen. I feel tht quite strongly and i would go as far as to say that some sort of deity really could be explained by physics, but thats my own musingss. As to whether its a god as described by any religeon I don't know. Interestingly, i think if i didn't already have catholicism as a religeon, wiht my limited (very) knowledge of other religeons, I would be more drawn towards hinduism.

I don't consider myself a perfectionist, i wish i was!

EdwiniasRevenge · 06/05/2013 22:43

Evening all.

Just a quickie from me.

Haven't done much today. Took dtds to the shopping centre to spend birthday money. Was out 4+hrs. Was knackered. Had afternoon/early evening nap. Dd3 was adopted by my lovely neighbour at 9.30am and didn't return home until 6.30pm.

I don't feel as if I have done anything productive today. But it is a bank holiday so I am allowed a day of nothingness tight?!?

Oh and I'm in bed early. Thats a plus point....

But I have 4 girls coming for a sleepover next weekend...I have a house to blitz. I need to pace myself and not leave it all to the last minute....

Unfortunatelyanxious · 06/05/2013 23:05

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