that light at the end of the tunnel isnt a train....stay on track!

[ThatVikRinA22]

thought we had better have a new one - old one nearly full. Think this is our 4th thread now....

linky to old one here

so, here we go....title a little more optimistic than i feel but im sure i will get back on track soon.....not doing bad particularly, just feeling a bit consumed with things....work is so intense. id forgotten.

anyway....nuff of me. over to you guys....
hope everyone manages to find us to say "hi"....welcome old and new.

evening again all.

think i may go to OTBT to update on complaint etc etc.

im struggling now to keep up with the thread and everyones posts, which i am really sorry about.

i bloody hate being back at work....

I just checked to see how you all are - I was worried when there wasn't anything recent on the old thread but quickly tracked down a quirky title on mh.

The counselling is intense and I need and still need to work through that. I guess I'm focussing on me for a while and the things I enjoy rather than on the depression and what problems it causes.

love and best wishes to all.

Vicar - do give us a link if you do xxx We all support you x

Morning everyone.
Just read back and realised I left nana out yest sorry. Lovely to think of u colouring in your garden room -sons like a lovely place.

I completely conked out yest eve still pretty wiped today but have counselling so must get up in a mo. I have started keeping a log, just two lines summarising my dep and anxiety levels and major activity each day to try and get a sense of proportion of Good and bad days. It's hard to quantify as even good days have some element of one or both. But then if you're well they often do too. I am finding it hard to know how much is illness and how much just me. My dh says I've been depressed for quite a time, and I know I've never been great at getting up in the morning. Is any of that a recurring mild depression or just my not very relaxed personality? Sorry this all sounds very self-absorbed but I'm finding it hard to know where I end and the depression begins. I know, too much over analysing! Bit apprehensive about counselling. Last week was tough, wiped me out tue and I'm sure contributed to a tough Wed and Thurs. I still have the meds question in my mind, tho anxiety has been better than last Thursday. Thinking about changing but I've also read plenty of posts from people on citalopram or sertraline who still experience significant Anxiety. The other thing that makes it hard to assess how I'm doing is the fact that I'm not actually doing a whole lot dh bless him is doing more childcare and household stuff and school runs etc. Hey Ho. Must drag myself out of bed in a mo...

Hope everyone has an ok day and t Thanks again vicar for this wonderful thread x

Aargh sorry no para breaks. Still getting used to posting from phone x

There is a difference between being depressed and being pissed off or just feeling down isn't there? I know i can have up times but generally this past few weeks they have felt hollow which i suppose is a good indication of depression? I just wondered how the rest of you differentiate from when you are just pissed off and feeling depressed? Everyone gets pissed off, so do people with depression, or is it worse? no different? Just a passing thought really - any thoughts?

Hello all, just popping to say managed to get it together late yesterday, and to thank you for your support.

LEM that's exactly what I mean. At the mo often good times have an empty ring to them and my default is feeling low. But clearly if you're not depressed you don't feel great All the time! Over-analysing? Me?!

SPC Great to hear, hope you're doing OK today.

Good afternoon all. I'm trying to make a relapse prevention plan/identify early warning signs..harder than it sounds as I don't watch myself CPN said to ask friends and family what they noticed.

snowy worth looking at your old posts, or would that be triggering?

It might do. I had made a list, but the cpn suggested I was already unwell with all the things I noticed:

• harder to talk with strangers/ hard to talk to anyone

-voices telling me what to do and what not to do

• being so distracted that I lose tablets/step out into the road without thinking
• voices telling me to do harmful things/to self
• voices telling me not to talk to pychiatrist/other professionals /people at all
• voices talking about me
• harder to get to sleep/stay asleep
• feeling there's someone there when I wake at night
• feeling low/hopeless
• wanting to leave the room/actually leaving the room

She said things like low mood, not sleeping or not making contact with friends.

That ligature thread is challenging (though it is true that MH issues are not an excuse for 'bad' behaviour). I don't know how it would feel as I live alone. I've seen patients charged/prosecuted for things like broken windows/plates.

Hi Snowy your list seems to be comprehensive and intuitive re your voices and emotional state . I found it very helpful to read .
Would it help to record on here your daily mood diary so you could see a pattern ? Then maybe we could help also without being intrusive ?
Just so pleased to see your name pop up and your posts anyway

That list is for when I'm already unwell, it's not like that all the time, and even when I'm unwell it's a spectrum rather than being definitely one or the other.

Thanks basset that's kind of you.

Ah I understand now Snowy.

Evening all

Gorgeous day here and nothing done chez moi . I so want to get my mojo back ....have some energy .....get my home and garden into shape and get some control back re my surroundings . It is always tomorrow . All seems to much . I would love a garden and house fairy to get me started and sort it ..then just maintenance rather than the real mess and neglect .

I have been dreaming of a garden room like Nana has . Love the image and the word garden room . So much nicer than conservatory or "lean to" of old . Funny how we all get images of each other through writing . Meeting would spoil the magic x

LEM Depression versus being down and pissed off . No contest is there really. Depression is like wading through treacle to wash /comb hair. We know that ..so hope you are feeling better .
I know when I am going down when I ask myself if I won five grand today on scratchcard how would I feel . Like so many of us money worries are huge so it would be a fabulous thing . I know I am spiraling down when it would mean absolutely nothing at all . Empty and avoiding people . Hope you are feeling ok today when your Dh is at work and your daughter at school .x

Silvery glad you got sorted later yesterday . Need some wisdom re getting going if you can

Helles so good to see your post and take care of yourself .

CIQ I hope you are home after counselling and resting as best you can with young children . So tiring . It took me a long time to realise that this illness is a long haul . Patience and no self flagellation thinking we should be better tomorrow . It took a long time to get us to this state so will take time to recover I think .

Hi to ED and the lovely Vicar .........Hoochie and UA . XX

So brilliant to read everyone's posts. It's a beautiful evening here and I can hear a blackbird in the garden..It doesn't care that the garden is a scruffy mess!
I knew I was getting depressed cos even when things were going well I just felt so down and empty-'wading through treacle' like basset says. I find it hard to quantify how I feel tho. I've got through today, and that's as good as it gets for me at the mo.
Feel sooo tired and going to bed mega early each evening. In the day I feel so fuzzy headed, and feel as if I'm 'pretending' to be 'normal'.
Your posts are really keeping me going.Thank you x

Hello everyone

Snowy - yes, that thread was ugly, i really hope that couple are able to sort things out. The prejudice was astounding, but i think it was more the men-haters than anything else :( I hope that your recovery continues an that you can start to enjoy the summer.

I have had a reasonably good day today - although i have pretty much done bugger all - perhaps that is why!! I managed to spend some time chatting to a friend on line and got some things straight in my head. I forgot to take my meds, ive only just took them, i hope that wasn't the reason why i felt brighter. I did feel frustrated about not doing anything but i think it did me good - I did manage to get some shopping done and sort the washing up. Had to walk DD to her afterschool activity, its a half hour walk and a lovely walk so maybe that has helped too.

Heres hoping everyone is doing well xxx

Hoochymumma, nice to hear about your blackbird. I have either a blackbird or a thrush nesting in the side of my house, there is a gap where there was an old pipe coming from DDs room where there used to be a sink. They have nested in there and yesterday i was sat in the garden while the mother was tooing and froing with worms. The only thing i am worried about is that it i high up and i worry that the babies will just fall as there isn't a tree nearby for them to fly to - i am thinking about making some sort of ledge for them, but i dont want to scare the mother. What to do, what to do?

I love this thread - everyone's ups, and even the downs, its my lifeline at the moment.

Got another text from the MH woman, asking if i had heard from the counsellors, i said yes, on waiting list, worried as was having worrying thoughts last week - she hasn't replied. Im not impressed.

evening everyone.

im tired. i had a very successful counselling appt today before work.

i feel better though - the counsellor is wonderful. I felt so much better after this appt. CBT is going to take practice but she showed me today that i am good enough, (she actually said we need another session on how im actually better than some) that mistakes are ok, that a relapse is ok, and that i have no assertiveness issues at all. (she forgot my cuppa so i asked for it!
i told her about the issue at work re the complaint - she was outraged but punched the air when i told her what i had done. She also said she could think of several people off the top of her head who could not have handled that situation assertively but non aggressively.
she also said she would rue the day if i ever leave the job. She made me feel worthwhile.

slight blip when i got to work, but its ok. i get the distinct impression that no one thinks ive done the right thing making anything official but its done now, and i feel i did the right thing. i still feel that.

This is good to read Vicar - and you dont need me to tell you, of course you did the right thing, If people like you don't stand up the the bullies, they will just continue to make peoples lives a misery. Well done xxx

thanks lem - i feel a bit awful as im not getting time to catch up properly on the thread, then when i do its moved on such a lot! (which is a good thing btw!) but i just hope no one thinks im an ignorant cow!

(on here i mean!)

Of course not vicar!

Good night all, sweet dreams.

Wish I was part of this thread, you all sound so lovely!