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Original poster

NHS Direct says call an ambulance because I am suicidal??

72 replies

MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 21:32

What would an ambulance do? Apart from take me to A&E and leave me there for hours then let me go??

I am starting to feel that the only way out of this mess is to just kill myself!!!

I want to scream really loudly that I am NOT OK. But nobody is there to listen.

The crisis team discharged me a few weeks ago and I was given a care co-ordinator but I have heard nothing in weeks and I have been left totally alone. (New BPD diagnosis)

If the CMHT aren't taking me seriously then whats the point????!

**Having a rant as I have nobody else to talk to and I am going to burst with all of this inside me

OP posts:
Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 22:50

DP has just come out with 'If you love me you won't do it' and doesn't see what on earth is wrong with this!?!?!

He has gone from sympathetic to angry (Not in an aggressive way)

I give up!!!!!!

OP posts:
TheChaoGoesMu · 28/04/2013 22:52

No, no no no. Call the ambulance yourself Yoni. Please. You need to do this. Theres a beautiful amazing life ahead of you, but you just need to do this one thing. Ok?

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 22:55

I am going to.

Thank you so much for talking me into this. xxxx

OP posts:
TheChaoGoesMu · 28/04/2013 23:02

Good. Please please do it. Don't get talked out of it. You know I'm right Wink. Keep us updated with your progress, and more importantly, stay safe. Xx

BriansBrain · 28/04/2013 23:02

It's hard to understand if you haven't had to go through it, I'm sure your DH isn't meaning to be so unsupportive.

Please get the help you need with your meds x

Showtime · 29/04/2013 00:26

Just been lurking, hoping to see you've phoned for ambulance, or better still, that your DP has started to be helpful.

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 29/04/2013 10:21

I ended up taking double my dose and went to sleep. DP made it clear that he didn't think I should go to hospital. He made me feel awful about the whole thing.

I feel more alone than ever.

My care co-ordinator is coming today finally so I'll have someone to talk to about it all.

If it wasn't for DP I would have gone last night. He just made me feel stupid and said they wouldn't do anything. All he keeps talking about is money and how we will have to move out If I carry on like this.

I'm at a total loss at what I'm supposed to do :(

OP posts:
PattieOfurniture · 29/04/2013 11:38

Men don't think like women, they see a problem and try to find a practical solution. He is probably scared and anxious about the consequences of a potential overdose.
He's also really not the right person for advice. You need to speak honestly to your care co-ordinator and ask what other help or medication is available. You can get through this. Although you may not see it right now, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

TheChaoGoesMu · 29/04/2013 11:46

You need to tell the care coordinator everything. Dont hold back. Maybe he/she could have a chat with your dh? You would probably both benefit from a support group. Ask the care coordinator if she knows of any, you could tap into it after you have got this episode sorted out.

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 29/04/2013 12:09

I'm going to tell her everything. I can't cope on my own anymore.

He has said he can't cope anymore so it seems like I'm on my own anyway. He hasn't even tried to cope. He just thinks about how it's all affecting him. I feel like he is only thinking about his feelings not mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 29/04/2013 15:50

I need a massive rant...I am FUCKED OFF!!!!!!

My care co-ordinator was lovely, I told her everything. She basically said I have done too much too soon and it was understandable that I am feeling this way. She said everything I am feeling is normal.

I can't just go back to normal, like I have been on holiday from life or something.

So when she leaves I feel uplifted and feel better about the whole thing.

5 mins with DP and I am fucked off and feeling worse than ever.

I told him I am not coping with working so much and I need to cut my hours. I explained everything that my Care Co-Ordinator said.

He said this....

'Well we will have to move out. If you can't pay the rent we are homeless'
yes this may be true but I didn't need it pointing out right now

'I don't know what to do, I will have to go back to my mums'
It's all you, you, you. Don't fucking worry about me!!!

'I am worried about money and what we will do if you aren't working'
Ok fair enough comments but why can't you just worry about ME for one day. Why can't you just stop thinking of everything else and think about me??

I don't have any answers for him. I can't tell him that everything is ok because I know it's not. I know that if I don't get the rent paid we are screwed but I really don't have room to think about that at this second when all I can think about is killing myself!!!!!

So an hour with my care co-ordinator is all undone within 5 mins with DP and I am feeling more useless than ever!!

Arghhh....rant over!!!

OP posts:
PattieOfurniture · 29/04/2013 16:27

To be fair, his worries are justified op. How will you pay the rent? Is there anyway round it so you will be able to cut your hours and concentrate on getting better. Could he get overtime or more hours for a while? Sell anything? Live on beans on toast etc?
Not paying the rent/bills and getting evicted, will surely add to your problems.

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 29/04/2013 16:30

I know they are justified, I just hate that he is turning to me for all of the answers when I don't have them.

I can't cope with how things are right now but rather than help solve the problem he is just making me feel bad about the whole situation.

OP posts:
YoniOrNotYoni · 29/04/2013 17:40

How are things with dp generally? Would it actually be so terrible if you had to move out? (&maybe not live with him?)

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 29/04/2013 18:16

He is the kindest sweetest person I have ever met and I love him dearly.

He is just a complete man child. Mothered and treated like a teenager by his mum.

It has never been a problem before as I have taken control of things but now I need him to step up and he hasn't :(

I realise that I have to earn to pay bills. I really do. But I physically can't do it and I'm being made to feel like I'm to blame.

OP posts:
kerstina · 29/04/2013 19:28

I dont understand does he not contribute to the rent ? Can you just not be signed off sick if work is making you ill at the moment? Rather than trying to cut your hours.

Showtime · 29/04/2013 19:31

Of course it's wrong to blame you because your DP can't afford to pay his share of the rent, but I believe the situation is holding back your recovery, however sweet you think he is. Hope you'll be seeing your care co-ordinator again soon, or perhaps a counsellor who could help you see that the present situation is not to your advantage.

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 29/04/2013 19:31

He pays all of our other bills and I have to pay the rent. His wage doesn't cover it all.

I don't get sick pay either. So I'm trapped really. Which is why I feel suicidal and feel like there is no way out.

OP posts:
colditz · 29/04/2013 19:39

What other bills are there that is as important as the rent! He can stop paying the other bills and pay the rent, can't he?

colditz · 29/04/2013 19:40

Yoni, have you got any children? Us there anyone for you to move in with if you do have to move out?

kerstina · 29/04/2013 19:42

Look if you can't pay the rent it is not the end of the world. You are right to be angry with your DP as he should be making your health and happiness top priority. I would go back to your moms thats what I would do not think about killing myself. You are really young plenty of time to save up to rent another place and find a job you enjoy rather than one that makes you ill. What is your job is there anything else you would love to do?

GracieLoo · 29/04/2013 22:33

If you're off work for a while go to your CAB for advice. Have you been given any emergency numbers from your cc?

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