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Original poster

NHS Direct says call an ambulance because I am suicidal??

72 replies

MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 21:32

What would an ambulance do? Apart from take me to A&E and leave me there for hours then let me go??

I am starting to feel that the only way out of this mess is to just kill myself!!!

I want to scream really loudly that I am NOT OK. But nobody is there to listen.

The crisis team discharged me a few weeks ago and I was given a care co-ordinator but I have heard nothing in weeks and I have been left totally alone. (New BPD diagnosis)

If the CMHT aren't taking me seriously then whats the point????!

**Having a rant as I have nobody else to talk to and I am going to burst with all of this inside me

OP posts:
Grockle · 28/04/2013 22:07

Focus on each day,not all the what ifs... yes, they are big worries but when you feel the way you are, you need to get through the hours & minutes. Previously, I used to crochet to keep my hands busy & my mind focussed. Do you have anything like that you could do? Or a warm bath with candles to make yourself feel better, physically?

Sorry you are feeling like this. It is truly awful.

mrsfassbender · 28/04/2013 22:08

I know it might sound lame, but if you have a film, or a programme, or a book, if you can focus for long enough to try to soothe your mind. Or even some music. Just to try to ease you a little?

Lonelybunny · 28/04/2013 22:08

I have felt the same over the last few days , I'm bloody sick if it ! You will get through it , it's so hard at the weekends as everywhere is bloody shut ! Monday tomorrow , I'm sure you can get more help tomorow x

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 22:11

I have been shocked my crisis since I have been dealing with them. In hospital they came to see me and the woman said 'Can't you just think of something else?' I thought I was going to punch her!!!

I have just told DP that I really want to hurt myself and he didn't know what to say. Just said 'well what will the hospital do?' and carried on watching his film :(

Part of me is angry because nobody in my family is taking this seriously. Its like if they ignore the problem it will go away. I want to shout at them I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH A PSYCHIATRIC CONDITION!!!! SOMEBODY LISTEN TO ME!!!!

OP posts:
TheChaoGoesMu · 28/04/2013 22:12

Yoni, you will be letting yourself down if you dont do something now. You don't have any options. Killing yourself is not an option and your husband does not want that either. You know that don't you? You're newly diagnosed, your meds aren't stable and you have to go in. You're not well at the moment, its not your fault, but you need to go in and get yourself better. You're not going to be made homeless, even if you're not in that house you will still have a roof over your head. Please don't dwell on that, mentally, you cannot afford to. Please call 999.

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 22:12

I have distracted myself with food all night. I am ashamed of what I have eaten but I don't care as it's better than the alternative.

Other than that I haven't done anything else s I just don't have the energy. Even running a bath seems like a huge effort!! (Probably all that food I've eaten!)

OP posts:
Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 22:13

TheChao Thank you, you are speaking a lot of sense. I am certainly thinking about what everyone is saying.

OP posts:
TheChaoGoesMu · 28/04/2013 22:14

If you call an ambulance you'll be fast tracked past the crises team anyway. The ambulance aren't going to leave you like that and you need to get your meds tweaked. Don't wait until morning, its a lot of hours away.

mrsfassbender · 28/04/2013 22:14

I understand, if you were physically hurt, people would react. I used to lock myself in the bathroom and just sob. My DH never understood that I was serious about wanting to hurt myself.
Have you been given any meds? I know it is a quick fix but it helped me so much.
If you don't mind me asking, has anything triggered this? Do you think it is money worries?
Your crisis team sound shit. totally ridiculous thing for that woman to say, as though your mind is so easily under your control.

We are all listening to you xxxx

MrsLettuce · 28/04/2013 22:15

If you're actively suicidal, rather than having dealable-with suicidal thoughts you really must call 999.

mrsfassbender · 28/04/2013 22:15

I second Chaos, call for help.
x

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 22:17

I think I have just been overwhelmed and did too much too soon. I have been diagnosed and been given Quetiapine and within a short space of time I went back to work as we had to borrow money from MIL and I felt awful.

I felt like I had to put a brave face on to please everyone and now I am falling apart again.

I think I will call NHS Direct just to see what they suggest, I have a feeling they will say 999 also.

OP posts:
TheChaoGoesMu · 28/04/2013 22:21

Yoni, its ok to fall apart. Its not ok to not do anything about it. Go to your dh and tell him you need him to call you an ambulance now. Tell the paramedics exactly how you are feeling, they will relay it on to the hospital when you do they do their handover. The hospital will do something, they won't leave you like that. Don't spend time overthinking it, just do it.

Steffanoid · 28/04/2013 22:24

Call your ambulance they will take you somewhere safe, when I was first diagnosed with depression(different I know) it took a little bit for my tablets to kick in,luckily it didn't take too long and I've the most amazing counsellor with others I know it has been a much more rocky road to get the meds right, but please know that they will get sorted with talking to your gp, bear with it, things will get better, even ranting at faceless names on here make things seem better, getting it all out can take a big weight off your shoulders
Thinking of you x

PattieOfurniture · 28/04/2013 22:25

Hi op,
Are there any specific reasons why you are feeling like you do?
If so, can you write them all down and try to find a solution to them.
Then for every negative, write down one positive thing in your life

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 22:26

Dp says he doesn't understand why I can't just not take the tablets. He doesn't see why I need to go to hospital or what it will do.

He doesn't get why I have the feeling of wanting to overdose so strongly.

I am showing him this as i write, can somebody try to help him understand as I don't seem to be getting anywhere :(

OP posts:
Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 22:29

He has just spent 5 mins staring into space and just said 'We will have to move out' It is like talking to a wall.

It is getting me upset and angry now :(

I wish I hadn't told him!!

OP posts:
Steffanoid · 28/04/2013 22:31

Sometimes you don't know why you feel it, it just comes on like a black cloud and won't go away, Mr Yoni, you just have to bear with it, things get better, the tablets aren't always the best way forwards, this black cloud can sometimes go after an hour or be there for days or weeks, you just need tolisten to your partner and try to support her in anyway you can

TheChaoGoesMu · 28/04/2013 22:33

Your dp doesn't understand because its new to him and it will be a steep learning curve for him too. The thing is, the meds you take for bi polar are often trial and error until you and the psychiatrist work out what exactly suits you, what type of medication and what dosage. What is happening here is entirely normal, and something most people with bi polar go through. Things will straighten out, a dosage will be found that suits you, and more importantly, you will learn to manage your bi polar, work out when you're going down, but you will have longer stretches of being stable. Its nothing to be ashamed or fearful of, you need to go through this process, as does your dh, to figure out what works for you.

Now, have you called that ambulance yet? Smile

PattieOfurniture · 28/04/2013 22:35

Ignore my earlier suggestion, sorry, reading back it looks very patronizing, I don't mean to be.

I agree with the other posters, you need to call 999, It's ok, mental health is just as important as physical. You won't be wasting their time. There will be help available to you.

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 22:36

I'm getting closer I promise Chaos (Is that THEE Chaos under a new name?)

OP posts:
moggiek · 28/04/2013 22:37

Yoni - your health is much, much more important than paying the rent. Please stop feeling guilty. It is not your fault that you are ill.

Original poster
MyBloominMarvellousYoni · 28/04/2013 22:37

Pattie You weren't patronising at all. I usually do something similar. I keep a diary of triggers and try to balance them with good things. When I feel like this though it is impossible to think straight. There are so many racing thoughts!

OP posts:
TheChaoGoesMu · 28/04/2013 22:41

No, I'm chao, not chaos, completely different person Smile. I have name changed a few times, but you probably wouldn't know my other names anyway.
Just realised you have been diagnosed with bpd not bp. The two are so similar that my advice is still exactly the same.

TheChaoGoesMu · 28/04/2013 22:45

You can't do anything about the racing thoughts without some help Yoni. Are you nearly there yet? Hand on phone hopefully?