Just started on Citalopram

[Nanabana]

Have read old threads about side affects and quite worrying, but will give it a go. Hope it kicks in soon

[citalobrain]

God Colouringin, you've put in words exactly how I've been for so long now! And you're right, it's feels nigh on impossible to explain to people who you think won't understand.

I've told my 2 best friends, my Mum and my ex DP (who is also a very good friend).

Out of my 2 best friends, one has similar depression to me, for as long as me, and gets it completely. The other has never had depression and really can't fathom it, but is always kind and sympathetic.

Interestingly they all knew something was very wrong with me, and there was me thinking I'd manage to hide it all so well!

What you wrote is exactly why I said my advice might be bad advice. You will probably have a really lovely time if you go on Friday, and it may kick start the process of getting better :) And actually, you probably would never regret going, but you may regret not going.

Have to go now but take care and have a big {{hug}} x
(hope your DD makes a speedy recovery too!)

[Geeklover]

It's good to hear that there are benefits to be felt eventually. I've had a horrible day was so anxious when I woke up this morning I was actually sick. No real reason to be so anxious I had nothing planned for today.
I've been on edge all day.
I just want to believe there will be a time that I wake up in the morning and feel even half normal. This all just seems like such an uphill struggle right now.

[citalobrain]

Geeklover if you're a week or two into it, it does feel bad, but it will get better i promise you. I think that was about the point I felt at my worst too.

I had exactly the same thing, pit of dread in my stomach for no specific reason, just dread about the day, even if nothing was planned. I feel so much better now. My anxiety levels are much lower than they were.

I think they were actually worse in the first few weeks on citalopram than before, but within a week or two they started to ease.

So sorry you're struggling, you will be all right though, stay strong and you'll get through this tough bit xx

[Geeklover]

Thanks citalobrain. It's good to hear from someone a bit further on.
Yeah I'm a week in. Today's anxiety did feel far worse than I was before I started the tablets.
It's good to hear it's normal and there is another side to this.
Right now it just feels so scary not to feel like me and I wonder if I ever will again.
I'm waiting to hear about counselling as well. My gp has 2 in house counsellors to support the anti d's and luckily the gp I'm seeing is fantastic and will continue to see me regularly.
Everyone keeps telling me I was so brave making that first step. I'm just hoping I feel it myself soon.

[pudding25]

Hi everyone. Thanks for the support. I have been on them since Friday now. I also have an ear infection so not been feeling great but think it is the infection not the pills. My appetite is definitely less (not a bad thing!) and no weird dreams or jaw issues. Feeling a bit nauseous too at times and tummy a bit odd but that could also be to do with the antibiotics.
Strangely enough, I also seem to feel less anxious. That could be to do with the fact that I haven't been into school this week as DD is sick and I have been off with her! Will be interesting to see how I feel after half term re the anxiety.

[Nanabana]

Hi Pudding, I got noro virus a few days into taking it,..i know you must be feeling rotten but now I feel fine - there is hope! Hopefully you feel better soon, as well as the positive effects.

ColouringIn, dont put pressure on yourself, see how you feel on the day.. I know the build up to trying to prepare yourself for seeing your friends may only add to your anxiety.. dont be tough on yourself, although seeing your friends may well help in some ways to distract you for a while.

Oh that feeling of dread, over nothing in particular, i get that... spend too long in bed trying to battle the feeling before I can get myself up. Have been late for work every day for god knows how long because of it... but this week has seen a bit of a change, have been getting in earlier. Perhaps that's the citalopram.

Mechanical, are you feeling better now about letting your university know about your absences? I really think it will be absolutely fine.

I feel a lull first thing in the morning, by mid morning i'm pretty upbeat and on the go, and then i feel a lull again.

Today I'll be facing people I'd rather not have to deal with...my mantra is: I don?t appreciate being questioned over the actions of someone else.
I don?t appreciate being subject of scrutiny due to someone else.

Don't ask, this is what I do!!

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi everyone. Yes geeklover my side-effects were worse for first 10 days, today (day 12 I think!) really improving. I definately think the mornings are the hardest - I have a much better day when I don't have to do the school run! Thanks nanabana am trying not too think about meet up tomorrow and will just have to see how the conversation goes. Will be interesting to know if they've noticed anything - I feel quite spaced out which makes conversations a bit more of an effort to say the least. Hope you got on OK with your "people I'd rather not have to deal with" today. Take care all x

[Geeklover]

Yeah I have really appreciated no school run this week.
My parents had all the dc on Tuesday night which was a huge break and I only had ds2 who is 2 last night then my dad collected him at ds2's insistence request this morning.
I realised it would be so easy to just lie around in my jammies and tbh I did for a while but after arguing with myself I went to the gym and signed up for a 10k in 12 weeks.
It will (hopefully) give me a focus and something to work towards.

[Nanabana]

Geeklover good on you and your 10k run - I always hear exercise is good for relieving stress, but i'm just too lazy! Hope it will help.

I got on fine with the people I had to deal with in the end, I wasn't going to take anything lying down.. in the end I didn't have to tackle any awkward situations.

[MechanicalTheatre]

Ugh, the anxiety has been so bad the last couple of days. I had to go to London and I was literally stuck in bed for about 4 hours, unable to get up.

A little better today, but still...

[ColouringInQueen]

Wow Geeklover running is great- my OH took it up last year following his depression and he has found it really positive so good luck. MT sorry to hear you're suffering with the anxiety, that's hard, hope its a little better tomorrow too. Well I "outed" myself to two friends this morning and told them about the depression. They were very kind and sympathetic but I can't help feeling like a freak. They're getting on with their lives and doing this that and the other with their kids and I feel like a failure. Rubbish. Sorry this is a self pity post. I'm hoping now they know that will help, and need to really try and not feel so embarassed about it all. Not easy though.

[citalobrain]

Mechanical how are you doing? Hope the anxiety levels have dropped a bit, hang in there they will get better, it's horrible to have to ride them through x

Nanabana glad your day turned out okay. Colouringin how was your night with friends? How are you pudding?

Geek that's a fantastic idea to sign up for the 10k! Exercise is supposed to increase your endorphins I think. I do a fair bit when I can and it always makes me feel better :)

I keep doing things that surprise myself. On Friday I texted some friends who I've not seen for ages and we're meeting for a few drinks tonight. I can't believe I actually took the initiative to text them!! I keep wondering where my real self is hiding as I don't recognise this new me at all

I've had nasty butterflies and have been feeling sick on and off all afternoon as I'm worried I'll have nothing of interest to say but I'm going to go and hopefully I'm going to have fun!

I hope everyone is okay. The sunshine here has cheered me up :)

[MrsShrek3]

Im still lurking. I've been on them a week and a half. at only 10mg it's not doing much more than take the edge off but at least no side effects

[ColouringInQueen]

Hi citalobrain lovely to hear from you and thats great about texting yr friends - hope you have a lovely eve. When I met my 2 friends they were kind and interested in how I was doing, and it was good to be open about what's been going on. But I really struggled - I came home feeling like a freak, they are busy getting on with their lives doing this that and the other and I am barely functioning. So yest pm was rubbish and I woke up this morn feeling prob the most depressed I've felt so far, to the degree of thinking that there are enough pills in the medicene cupboard to overdose on and that would be the best thing to do. I managed to tell my OH what I was thinking and we have got through today. I don't feel as desparate now - this morning seems like a nightmare dream, I just have the worst headache. I managed to mooch round a national trust garden this pm - a very surreal day. My sister came to visit which is lovely but I'm finding it difficult to know what to say! Phew. Very tired now. Did appreciate the sunshine too tho and seeing lots of snowdrops. Now I'm rambling. Hope everyone else is managing to hang on in there x

[citalobrain]

Oh boy Colouringin, I'm so sorry to read that :( I'm so pleased you told your OH about how you were feeling. I wonder whether you should go back to the GP and say how much worse you've been feeling - they may need to adjust the medication and perhaps citalopram isn't the right option for you? Did you feel this bad before starting them?

Please don't leave it if you feel this bad. Your GP will be able to help you, and keep talking to your DH if you can. You poor thing, sending you a big hug {{{}}}

[citalobrain]

[ColouringInQueen]

Thanks citalobrain yes OH says I have to ring Docs. Have been ringing them weekly cos have had such strong (stomach) side effects to the fluoxetine and am not enthusiastic about getting back on the phone but they should really know about yesterday. No I've never felt that bad before and it was pretty scary. Am a bit better this morning. My OH is now trying to get together a plan for the week as its half term and I have DD8 and DS4 at home and he has to go away with work for 3 days (not the best timing)! Trying to have a very quiet restful day at home today. {{}} hugs back to you. How did you get on last night with your friends? Waves to everyone x

[citalobrain]

Colouringin sorry, I put citalopram instead of fluoxetine, doh!

I'm so pleased you're in regular touch with the GP. They would definitely want to know about you feeling so low so don't feel worried about telling them. Something's not right if they're having such an adverse affect on you. I know the bedding-in period is hard but your feelings are extreme and GP should be able to make some changes to help. I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad :(

Could anyone family-wise be around the 3 days your OH is away to give some support?

Keep talking anyway as it will help xx

Bless you for asking about my evening! It was fine actually! Really nice to see them but I was totally exhausted afterwards. Going from my own solitary company to 4 hours continual chit chat was quite a leap! I didn't say anything about my depression as they are not super close friends and it didn't feel right. It's hard to know sometimes isn't it re telling people?

I did notice that afterwards I was thinking to myself phew, that's done, now I can disappear off the radar again (hmm)!

Hope you have a nice relaxing day today, make sure you get lots of TLC :)
xxx

[citalobrain]

it would be so nice not to think of social encounters as a chore, to be got through, with a big sigh of relief at the end! But I've felt like this most of the time for years and years and years so I think it will always be so. I'm certain I'm an introvert, and I guess a depressed introvert is not a thrilling combination

[ColouringInQueen]

Thanks yes I know exactly what you mean about socialising/chit chat being exhausting esp 4 hours! At least you know you can do it, you can maintain your friendship and have a nice time. It's OK not to want to do it every day. Yes it is hard knowing who/how to tell isn't it. I think OH is going to end up telling a few people over the next week as he sorts out support... he's going to speak to a good friend and also my parents. I hate feeling like a burden but I also know I don't think I could cope on my own so will just have to swallow my pride. Take care of yourself too xxx

[citalobrain]

Hope you're feeling a bit better Colouringin. Your friends and family will be glad to help so you musn't feel like you'll be a burden to them, they won't see it like that at all :)

Hope you feel better tomorrow and that the chat with the doc is fruitful.
Take care of yourself xx

[ColouringInQueen]

Waving to MrsShrek MT Nanabana Geeklover and anyone else, hope you're enjoying the sun.
Thanks citalobrain I spoke to a diff doc this morning and she said for me to come in tomorrow to talk through, may look at increasing dose slightly to get to a therapeutic level. She said at this stage its hard to distinguish between side-effects and symptoms of this illness. She was good though, and as my own GP is going on maternity leave soon think its good to be seeing her. Not doing too bad today, bit better than yesterday which was a bit better than Sat so am hoping this will continue! Take care everyone x

[kizzie]

Hi - I just wanted to confirm what Im sure other people have said.... in the first couple of weeks or so of treatment the side effects can make anxiety in particular worse before it gets better.
(For me this was particularly bad in the mornings - really awful.)
Hope things ease really soon.

[citalobrain]

exactly the same with me Kizzie. I still get the anxiety, but nowhere near as bad as those first weeks, which were really horrible at times.

Colouringin good luck tomorrow. Think as long as she knows the feelings weren't as strong as this before you started taking them she'll be able to sort things out for you.

Glad to hear you're feeling better today :)

[MechanicalTheatre]

Hi all,

Well I'm doing a little better, the anxiety is a bit less, but still spending weekends in bed alone and no motivation or desire to see anyone.

Very sick of the teeth grinding.