Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Waiting for the crisis team - support needed.

999 replies

Fluffydressinggown · 14/01/2013 18:23

I have posted on the sertraline thread but wanted to post elsewhere.

I have been feeling increasingly unwell over the past few weeks and my self harm has increased. In the past week I have started to see signs from God that I should kill myself. I know that these are irrational thoughts but I am finding it hard not to believe them.

I saw my psychologist today and I was very upset because I feel so confused. I know what the signs are telling me but I am so scared. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

After I saw him I sat in my car for an hour outside the CMHT office, I couldn't move or do anything I just felt so stuck. The songs on the radio were giving me signs and I know that I have to hurt myself properly but I am so scared.

I went back inside and spoke to him again. He rang the crisis team and said that he had told them that while I am normally very high risk at the most they felt I was at a significant risk of harm that could only be managed in hospital.

They are coming out at 8pm to assess me for an admission.

I am so scared. I have been IP twice in the past six months. I feel like such a failure. I know I am seeing connections that aren't there, and my psychologist said that I am delusional but I can't shake it.

I am scared of an admission, scared of being at home and killing myself tonight. Scared. :(

I am not a bad person but all of these signs are showing me that I am.

OP posts:
kizzie · 21/01/2013 14:27

Hi fluffy - just another one following your thread and wishing you well.
Hope your meeting goes well today.

Original poster
Fluffydressinggown · 21/01/2013 16:18

Had my meeting and they have sectioned me because I feel like being here is so pointless and I have asked to go home a lot and I won't take the medications.

It is a Section 3 which is a treatment order which means I have to have treatment in hospital. Which as far as I can tell will be anti-psychotics.

I know people will be reading this thinking agree to stay or just take the meds but it is not as simple as that for me because of the signs I have had from God.

They have confirmed that they think it is a psychotic episode but of course I disagree. I am STILL on 1:1 obs as well.

I feel like I have let everyone down.

OP posts:
snowbanana · 21/01/2013 16:24

Well, I think it is good for you :) I am just wondering why they did not do that in the beginning.

I have seen people speaking gibberish and being absolutely out of it getting better in couple of days. The meds they have will take delusions away. And if they do not disappear they are ment to be there!

elfycat · 21/01/2013 16:28

You haven't let anyone down.

You have been able to get yourself to help. People are not annoyed or upset with you. They are concerned that you are not well, but concern looks like a frown sometimes.

snowbanana · 21/01/2013 16:31

oh, to me you don't sound psychotic , just confused and stuck to a same track :)

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat · 21/01/2013 16:31

Who have you let down? I can't see that you have?

As you have tried to kill yourself and are continuing to contemplate doing so they have little option but to section you and to keep you on 1:1. It is done out of care for you. We here on this thread all care for you too and wish you well xxx

SnowyMouse · 21/01/2013 16:33

Hi fluffy I just wanted to say you haven't let anyone down. Are you going to take the antipsychotics now? Take good care.

Sunnywithshowers · 21/01/2013 16:35

Hello fluffy you haven't let anyone down. I think it's a good idea that you're staying there for a bit. Big hugs xxx

Original poster
Fluffydressinggown · 21/01/2013 16:36

I have to take them now :(

OP posts:
snowbanana · 21/01/2013 16:40

Good!

But as I told you before. If they really are signs from God, it does not matter if you take them or not!

sj2008 · 21/01/2013 17:25

Hey fluffy. Hope you coping with things ok this afternoon. I think it's a good thing that they are taking some active measures to try and improve how you're feeling. I have been sectioned several times and I know its scary but you have to trust that you are in the best place to get help. Are you getting visitors tonight? Thinking about you. X

Original poster
Fluffydressinggown · 21/01/2013 17:37

My husband is coming later to visit.

Just feel so crap.

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 21/01/2013 17:48

Big hugs fluffy

sj2008 · 21/01/2013 18:15

When you have been well in the past, what things to you enjoy/ what gives you pleasure? I find that even though it was a real struggle, just washing my hair and giving myself a bit of a facial could lift me. I didn't have the concentration to read or anything but I found jigsaws/ drawing could give me a bit of pleasure. Is there anything you can think of that your husband could bring in? Your brain is most likely exhausted with all the extra connections it is making, if you can get some rest you may start to feel better. Are you eating anything? X

Original poster
Fluffydressinggown · 21/01/2013 23:53

I switch between Angry Birds, internet and colouring in really. I shower/dress every day. I want to pluck my eyebrows really badly!

I am eating yes, today I have had a chicken sandwich, some crisps, melon and a kit-kat.

I want to go home :(

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 22/01/2013 10:18

Oh fluffy Hang on in there.

snowbanana · 22/01/2013 10:32

It is good that you want to go home. That is a good sign. I have noticed that when you want to leave hospital you are in better shape. Especially when you went in voluntarily.

Original poster
Fluffydressinggown · 22/01/2013 12:16

I want to go home to do what I need to do. It just seems stupid being here when I know what I have to do.

I slept well again. Painted my nails, and just internetted really. Very dull. Got my Section 3 paperwork so it is all official now.

Last night I had some doubts about everything but God has shown me stuff this morning which made things clearer. I am hopefully being moved to a different unit today, I know that unit very well so that will be better I guess.

It is sunny here today which makes a change :)

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 22/01/2013 12:47

I hope your move goes smoothly fluffy, nice that there's sun.

snowbanana · 22/01/2013 13:12

You sound very good. Usually when I have arrived hospital I have been really anxious, depressed, scared and confused. With time that changes to boredom and I want to go home. And by then I usually am ok to do that.

Changing a unit is also a very good sign. At least where I have been you start from the closed ward and then go to an open ward.

I might have to leave mumsnet, because I think my own obsessions are actually getting influenced by yours. My obsessions/signs/hallucinations have been rather harmless, but they seem to be influenced by yours. I think you got influenced by one of mine.

Original poster
Fluffydressinggown · 22/01/2013 19:44

I hope you are ok snowbanana, I don't think I have been influenced by you.

Moved hospitals to the treatment unit (was in assessment one), the staff here know me very well which helps. Still on constant obs, still lots of thoughts/signs.

Saw the Dr here and said I don't want to take olanzipine and he said we could discuss it another day.

OP posts:
SnowyMouse · 22/01/2013 19:53

I'm glad they know you well on the new unit, is it quieter as well?

leelteloo · 22/01/2013 22:12

Hope you have a restful night fluffy.

snowbanana · 22/01/2013 22:13

I have similar obsessive thoughts like you, well no God talking at least :). But as they are harmless so I am safe and can be at home (and of course not so out of it that only mumbling). I am waiting to hear about meds.

Nice that they do not want you to take quetapine anymore. Why can't you take olanzipine? You took some benzo's, whats the difference? I just can't see why your God don't want you to take them. My obsessions would not give a damn, if they would be persons of some sort.

TheSilveryTinsellyPussycat · 23/01/2013 08:52

Morning fluffy, thinking of you, sounds like your dr is somewhat understanding.