Waiting for the crisis team - support needed.

[Fluffydressinggown]

I have posted on the sertraline thread but wanted to post elsewhere.

I have been feeling increasingly unwell over the past few weeks and my self harm has increased. In the past week I have started to see signs from God that I should kill myself. I know that these are irrational thoughts but I am finding it hard not to believe them.

I saw my psychologist today and I was very upset because I feel so confused. I know what the signs are telling me but I am so scared. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

After I saw him I sat in my car for an hour outside the CMHT office, I couldn't move or do anything I just felt so stuck. The songs on the radio were giving me signs and I know that I have to hurt myself properly but I am so scared.

I went back inside and spoke to him again. He rang the crisis team and said that he had told them that while I am normally very high risk at the most they felt I was at a significant risk of harm that could only be managed in hospital.

They are coming out at 8pm to assess me for an admission.

I am so scared. I have been IP twice in the past six months. I feel like such a failure. I know I am seeing connections that aren't there, and my psychologist said that I am delusional but I can't shake it.

I am scared of an admission, scared of being at home and killing myself tonight. Scared. :(

I am not a bad person but all of these signs are showing me that I am.

I'm sorry about your guinea pig fluffy :(

Oh sorry fluffy

Hope you have an ok week - will be thinking of you.

Thinking of you, fluffy

Good news: Off my section.

Bad news: Guinea pig is dead and everything has got on top of me and I am very very low. Feel totally hopeless.

Hurray for being off your section, that is tremendous news.

Massive squeezy hugs for your loss and the way you're feeling.xxx

about gp - do you know about the Rainbow Bridge? If not, google it. Maybe gp's death will help release all the stuff that is pent up inside? So glad you are off your section, and sending hugs and

That's excellent you're off your section I am so sorry about your guinea pig though

Bit of a crazy night/day. Ended up in A&E last night when a cut reopened and I had an huge bleed all over my bedroom. At least now I have been in am ambulance. Didn't get back until 8am, then slept until 1.30 then have seen someone from a specialist team. She was here from 9am-5pm assessing me (only some of that chatting with me)! So we shall see.

I am very very tired which means I can't really think about anything else!

Oh my goodness that sounds awful! I hope you get a good rest tonight. Big hugs x

Big hugs fluffy, hope they find the right treatment for you

You must be exhausted fluffy, hope you get a good night's sleep.

Hello Fluffy - been thinking of you.

Chicken salad sarnie eh? Rock'n'roll eh?

Hope your DH cheers you up later x

Would it help to get hold of of your medical notes to gain insight?

Am thinking of you too. Hope the assessment is helpful, and that your injury is healing OK.

And lots of handholding from this end.

Had a rough day, slept all morning and then police brought me back because I walked away from staff on leave, very tired.

Have watched Masterchef and had a chicken sandwich. Oh so exciting. Am also in flowery leggings again.

I watched Masterchef too, and actually I found it very exciting in its own way. Though I felt v sorry for those 2 blokes.

Still not sourced leggings. Though it was that cold that I wore my brown knitted cable ones earlier this week.

fluffy? how are you?

Thinking of you Fluffy. Have you heard how the assessment went?

How are you today fluffy?
It's much colder here and we've had hail and brilliant sunshine as well.

Hi, sorry, I am around, just quiet.

No idea about assessment. Feel a bit frustrated all round.

It is much much cooler here today, long sleeves on again!

It's colder here too - we put the heating on today.

Hugs xxx

Had a very dull week, just pootled around really. I have been home with DH, and been to the local shops alone. Might sleep at home this weekend. They are talking about planning my discharge.

At the moment I just feel very disconnected from everything, I feel very low most of the time but there is no point in telling anyone because I always feel low. I wake up disappointed I am alive. I suppose it is good that I am not doing too much to make that happen. I am very uncertain about the future and it feels very hopeless.

Hi fluffy It is important people know you are still feeling low, you don.t have to say why.

How do you feel about discharge?

Yes, please do tell them that you feel low and disconnected. They may already realise that, and are still thinking discharge may be the best option - being discharged with enough support can be alright. When you are back home please don't hestitate to ring the support team at the slightest change, and listen to DH's opinion of how you are as well. And keep taking the meds. Sending you