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Original poster

Driving away

999 replies

Pumble · 28/12/2012 00:52

I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone

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DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 21/01/2013 08:58

My mum said if she'd had my DSis first, she'd have been an only child, (sorry, sis!).

Greenkit · 21/01/2013 16:12

Hey Pumble, good to hear you had a good weekend. I agree evening are a nightmare, my fuse is so short then and I get all shouty at mine (they are 14 and 16yrs).

Don't forget if you ever need to talk/text/vent/cry etc you have my number x

Original poster
Pumble · 21/01/2013 20:38

Well, I got to keep DH at home today which was good, especially as pumblett 2 had her injections so it meant I didn't have to take both pumbletts with me. Pumblett 1 still really under the weather but she did at least have a good night last night (the same can't be said about her nap today!) which has helped.

I am generally feeling a little calmer and more in control which is good, although I worry that this is just because of the ADs - does that make sense? And therefore that the feelings are all a little fake?

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Sunnywithshowers · 21/01/2013 20:50

Hello lovely

If you're calmer, even if it's on the AD's it's not 'fake'. You sound better than you have done which is great. :)

I'm glad you had a good day today xxx

NaturalBaby · 21/01/2013 21:01

Think about it the other way - you're not feeling better because of the AD's, you're feeling more normal because the AD's are helping the fake (bad) feelings go away.

Just take it as it is - things are good right now, enjoy!

Have you tried calpol plug in night light's for pumblett 1? My ds2 is always very bunged up and that seems to help him sleep.

DeepRedBetty · 21/01/2013 21:07

Hi Pumble, just saw you bounce to the top of Threads I'm On so I thought I'd pop in. Especially as last time I posted I said I was going to put the virtual kettle on for you, and that was Wednesday... Blush

Sounds like the rollercoaster is beginning to slow down a little for you now. If you have a spell of thinking 'this is awful, I'm getting nowhere' just have a quick look (if you can bear to) at the early pages of this.

That Pumble was an exhausted miserable mess.

Current Pumble is much chirpier and much more rational. She still has shitty moments, but they're much more like normal shitty moments that we all get when the children have the snots and you've done as much playing outside in the snow as you and your supply of dry socks and trousers and gloves can take and everyone's got cabin fever.

The feelings aren't fake. They're the feelings that Pumble ought to have been having if her hormones, or whatever it is causes PND (sorry don't know what causes it, just know it's horrible but fixable), hadn't been making her life merry hell.

Sorry, waffling on a bit, but the jist is you're fantastic, you're doing well, yes there's still a lot of progress to be made but you're making it.

PS I once told dd1 that I was going to put her in Baby Prison if she didn't shut up, and I bloody well meant it at the time.

magimedi88 · 22/01/2013 11:29

Hi Pumble,

The feelings aren't fake - you are getting better! If you had a cold & then it went you wouldn't think that was fake or when you have a cut & it heals neither is that fake.

Your poor mind has been through a lot & is now, with some medical help, getting better.

That's not meant to sound patronising or simplistic - just an easy way of thinking of it.

Hope you are having a good day today.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 22/01/2013 11:31

Echoes good wishes hoping today has got off to a good start, Pumble. Brew

TanteRose · 22/01/2013 11:54

Hey Pumble Smile

Glad things are calmer

NotGeoffVader · 22/01/2013 17:03

Another one rooting for Pumble here! :)

geekette · 22/01/2013 21:01

hey pumble. you sound like you are enjoying your little ones a little bit. good on you.
hope you have a good night!

Original poster
Pumble · 22/01/2013 21:53

A good day with my pumbletts with smiles and laughter and they even both slept at the same time for a bit which was amazing!

Evening started well and has raptly gone downhill. I am trying so hard to remain calm but it's so hard. It's not that she's acreaming it's just that she won't settle. I wish I knew why. I'm really struggling. I'm trying so hard to think about the good times today and focus ob those but it's not really working.

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Original poster
Pumble · 22/01/2013 22:02

I've walked out the room and come downstairs. She is now screaming her heart out and I have had to get DH to be with her as I am at the end of my tether. I know that sounds heartless but I just can't cope at the moment. I feel so cross with myself as I really felt that things were improving and our days have been so much better so how have I let this get to me so much?

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TiddlyOmPomPom · 22/01/2013 22:07

Oh I'm sorry Pumble, wish I could say something helpful but I never figured out the magic words with DS either, it just took time. Sodding time. Sad

Singing sometimes helped, if only because it calmed me down a bit! I could never remember the words in my sleep-deprived shredded-nerve state, so just hummed along to whatever tune I could remember (usually Silent Night for some bizarre and highly ironic reason).
x

Sunnywithshowers · 22/01/2013 22:09

Hello Pumble

It doesn't sound heartless at all. I don't have DC, but I am an auntie. My lovely DNephew (now 16) was a screamy baby and it was terribly hard to deal with, even on a part-time basis.

Things are improving. You have asked your DH to help (reasonable) rather than wanting to run away, like before. It's hard to listen to a baby cry, and I can only imagine how much harder it is when it's your wee one.

Big hugs to you. Be kind to yourself xxx

TiddlyOmPomPom · 22/01/2013 22:10

Sorry, slow typing so x-post.

It's always better to leave the room than let yourself get into a state where you're not in control. You did the right thing.

It probably feels worse because you have had a good day.
Your DH needs to take his share of screaming too - it's not supposed to all be in your ear, don't feel guilty.

Original poster
Pumble · 22/01/2013 22:11

Thanks tiddlyompompom

Singing is never in short supply around here but tonight that didn't seem to help at all Sad

There suddenly seems to be a little bit of silence (from what I can hear from down here). I don't know what DH has done but at least it's hopefully an improvement.

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Original poster
Pumble · 22/01/2013 22:36

And the screaming begins again.... I just want to go to bed and have some sleep but that's where pumblett 2 is screaming!

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NaturalBaby · 22/01/2013 22:40

Don't be cross with yourself, it's not your fault - she's screaming with your DH now isn't she?

There will be more good times, and more times when they both nap together!

Original poster
Pumble · 22/01/2013 22:49

Yes, screaming with DH as I needed a break. I thought evenings were getting better... It can't still be as a result of injections yesterday afternoon can it?

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TiddlyOmPomPom · 22/01/2013 22:53

Could be - some are unsettled for a couple of days after.
Have you got any earplugs? It'd help if you couldn't hear her properly while you're having your 'break'! My sis has some fantastic noise-cancelling headphones she uses when her three DC are driving her nuts for her migraines, they're great at blocking out screaming babies too.

magimedi · 22/01/2013 22:54

Yes, could really be the injections upsetting her. Not nice, but v necessary, and can upset them for 24/36 hours or so.

Hope she has calmed down now & that you get some sleep soon.

Got to go to bed - early start for me tomorrow, but will be back to check in as soon as I can.

You are doing so well, Pumble! Bon soir!

NotGeoffVader · 22/01/2013 22:54

I think we had a few unsettled nights post-injections with DD. Seem to recall it took her about three days/nights to 'get over' it.

When she was tiny and unsettled at night, DH and I took it in shifts to stay up with her. Three to four hours at a run. Enough time for one of us to sleep whilst the other stayed up making soothing noises/rocking/singing/putting telly on when all else failed.

Now she's bigger, we still have disturbed nights but thankfully she will settle herself again, although it takes time.

Sleep deprivation is absolutely horrible. Just wondering if there is any way you can manage to get a daytime nap in for yourself at all a few times during the week? (It's a 'luxury' I allow myself twice weekly - although over the festive break I've been very greedy with the naps and have tried to sleep for an hour when DD is napping).

Original poster
Pumble · 22/01/2013 22:55

Earplugs - great idea. I think that will be on tomorrow's list of things to do... Smile

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Original poster
Pumble · 22/01/2013 22:58

You'd think I'd remember about injections from pumblett1 wouldn't you? Daytime naps are a challenge as it is unusual for them both to be asleep at the same time - today was such a luxury! I just wish DH didn't get up so early for work as I wouldn't feel so guilty about him staying awake then. It all seems quiet at the moment - I'm tempted to try to sneak in to bed and if she starts again ask DH to take her downstairs so I can try to grab an hour or so and then swap with him if necessary.

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