Driving away

[Pumble]

I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone

Still here Pumble can't look in and not respond so tell us about it, let it out, we're anonymous so try and vent.

In the evenings, we do a bath and then I feed on one side whilst pumblett 1 has a bath, before reading stories with them both and then doing the other side. She settles after that side initially. She then either goes down and wakes after half an hour and takes ages to settle (despite being tired) or wakes when being winded and take ages to settle. I try feeding her again but she refuses. Once she's down properly she's down for ages but it's getting to that point.

Writing it down it looks like I'm moaning about nothing but when you're here in the thick of it, it's not nothing if that makes sense?

I just wish I could settle her. I feel so useless and although this will sound stupid, I feel she doesn't like me.

I'm pretty sure dh judged me when I said I didn't want to be her mummy and pretty sure he won't leave me alone with her now.

And I know this evening that she is still not settled because i got so upset but I just reached breaking point.

I'm so sorry you've had another shit day, we're not going anywhere, please keep posting Pumble.

Perhaps you could call Cry-sis ? Their phoneline is open til 10pm every night, it could be worth giving them a call? You've been so brave in talking to your DH and then the Doc, please give this a go if possible. xx

^"Cry-sis offers support for families with excessively crying, sleepless and demanding babies.
From its modest beginnings, Cry-sis has developed to become a well-respected and national charity. The stated aims remain 'to be efficient and effective in providing self-help and support to families with excessively crying, sleepless and demanding babies'. To achieve this, Cry-sis runs a national telephone helpline that is available to callers every day of the year between 9.00am and 10.00pm. Callers are referred to a trained volunteer member of Cry-sis who has had personal experience of crying or sleep problems within their own family. "^

Can i ask, when you say you try to settle her after the second side, do you mean put her down in a moses basket or cot? If so, how about passing her straight over to DH for winding and a cuddle while you have a little rest/relax? Would you consider keeping her downstairs with you and forget trying to settle her down for a few days? When mine were babies, we kept them down with us til we went to bed - i distinctly remember passing the babies between DH and myself to eat meals. Sometimes babies don't want to be put down but held close.

Do you have a routine for feeding or is she feeding on demand? Are you happy breast feeding or would you consider bottle either instead of or aswell as the breast?

What about a dummy? Mine didn't have dummies as I hated them at the time. DS was a good baby but DD was quite difficult and I really regret not trying her on a dummy as she cried such a lot and it may have helped. I used to get so angry and upset that she wouldn't settle and I wish someone had suggested a dummy to me.

I'm just trying to suggest things that may help a little.

Also, Pumble can't remember if you have said, but do you have any family or friends you could confide in and share what you are going through?

How is your DH? Can he do anything else to help? Would it help if you go for a bath and leave him with DD2 for a little while?

Pumble I haven't posted on your thread before as you've had such great advice from other people, but have been reading since it started. Just wanted to say that I think you're doing brilliantly, even though you're struggling you are keeping going. It's clear from your posts how much you love your DDs. I hope things start to get a bit better for you soon.

Have you tried anything like cranial osteopathy or baby massage? I was reading about the Bowen technique earlier - I had it for a bad back last year and it can help tiny babies as well. You both had a tough birth - you've got medication now but what about pumblett2?

You're not alone. You're not the first to struggle like this and it will end.

another one here who won't be judging or leaving and I am pretty sure your dh isn't judging you either.

from your description, your dd2 sounds normal to me. such babies are high maintenance, unfortunately. also from your description you are doing everything right! it is hard to see it that way! I know!

you are a brilliant mum

I babysat a friend's child once who was a habitual screamer. The longest 3 hours of my life. I plastered on a smile as she & dp walked through the door having finally got him to sleep around 10 minutes before she drove up.

I salute you Pumble and there is little I can suggest that tops advice you've had already.

I have suggested Cry-sis to someone else who posted before Christmas, worth thinking about?

DH may not be able to come up with platitudes to reassure you but he's there now and he knows you and loves you. He isn't judging, these are out-of-the-ordinary times.

If you can get your parents or trusted friends to give you a break, seize it. Who gives a monkeys if they hear that DD2 is inconsolable at times. It does not mean you are bad parents! Until she settles it is what it is, a knackering, tough time and you and DH need that help. Or if nobody else is around: between you, you endure the grind, it feels endless but it won't be.

Dummy, bottle feeding, you may not have tried either with DD1, her sister might like them, could help.

Hope I don't offend you by saying this, parenting DD1 may have been a walk in the park compared to your second, but DD2 is still yours, still needs both parents. She may be a screaming fury at times but please don't read anything personal into it, it's not you.

Just checking in to say, still thinking of you xx

Can't offer more than has been said above - I hope you got some sleep last night. x

Afternoon Pumble, just checking in as well, so many of us are thinking of you and hoping you're ok. xx

Hi Pumble

How are things today? I hope you were able to get some sleep. xxx

Thank you for all your advice - much appreciated. And thank you for checking in on me! She fell asleep in the end and then slept well which was nice. We do have her downstairs with us until we go up, but interestingly, she almost seems to get too tired being held and so prefers being in her moses basket, as long as we are there providing a finger to suck! I'm not sure that makes any sense - sorry!

We have had a good morning going into the village in the snow, with only a mild tantrum on the way back from pumblett1! Pumblett2 does seem to be feeding well at the moment which si a great relief and generally she is so much happier. I think that that is why I get so annoyed with myself for getting stressed in the evening as she is being so good the rest of the time and we really are having so much more fun. She's currently sitting smiling away in her bouncy chair - and what a smile (not that I'm biased obviously).

That all sounds lovely Pumble, keep hold of the good bits of the day. By evening you are probably a bit tired and grumpy like DD2 so any angst seems 10 times worse.

Hi pumble. Looks like you're still having ups and downs but doing a great job.

Don't be mad with yourself for finding the evenings hard. Even when the days go alright everything takes so much effort doesn't it? So then you get to the hardest part of the day and just don't have the mental of physical strength to get through it.

Try to get as many little breaks as you can while dh is around this weekend. A pop to the shops without the kids? A soak in the bath? Take care.

Pumble, pleased to hear you are having a nice w/e. By the end of next week your AD's should have kicked in much better & am sure you will find things easier then.

hiya pumble.
just that really.

I held ds1 all the time then had problems getting him to self settle. Ds3 was a very similar baby and in his moses basket in his room from day one with a rough GF routine (sleep part only). He was very happy to lay in peace and quiet and I would often go to check on him to find him awake but very happy. They both had a dummy as soon as the finger sucking got too much!

A good weekend in the snow, despite both pumbletts still being full of cold which is making pumblett 1 very grumpy! It's looking like DH may not be able to get into work tomorrow, which I have to admit I am sort of hoping is the case as like last Sunday, I am dreading him going back to work again!

Yesterday evening wasn't too bad, with relatively little screaming, even if it took a little while for pumblett 2 to drop off. I think the evenings are bad because I am so tired by then and therefore definitely on a shorter fuse! She is sleeping pretty well over night though which is definitely helping, even if pumblett 1 is waking from her cold, which is so unusual.

Hope you have all had a good weekend too.

Mixed weekend thanks Pumble now snuggling up after watching "Ski Sunday" before getting round to cooking evening meal.

What a shame if your DH can't get into work tomorrow but every cloud has a silver lining .

I'm glad you had a good weekend Pumble :)

Hi Pumble - glad you've had a good weekend. Evenings are tough, you're tired and the pumbletts are tired. When DD was very new I practically begged my DH to come home as early as possible, even if he then had to do work from home. It isn't unusual to be tired then. Pumblett 1's cold will go soon and it sounds like pumblett2 is a good sleeper once she drops off so just remember she will sleep every night and then you can! You're doing so well - remember this when you have a wobble.