Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

Driving away

999 replies

Pumble · 28/12/2012 00:52

I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 23/01/2013 00:25

Maybe you'll strike lucky and find they nap simultaneously tomorrow too, (optimistic). Ear plugs, so simple!

Original poster
Pumble · 23/01/2013 09:25

A very trying morning so far. Pumblett 1 just won't stop screaming at me. She's currently eating my breakfast as I don't have the energy to argue with the screaming. I give up!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pumble · 23/01/2013 09:26

In most ways I think the best thing is for us to go out this morning but I can't face the judging from other people when pumblett 1 is screaming Hmm

OP posts:
Sunnywithshowers · 23/01/2013 09:37

Pumble, that sounds grim. I hope things quieten down for you.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 23/01/2013 09:46

Oh, going out this morning sounds like a good plan Pumble - I always felt better when I got out to a toddler group with my two. She probably won't scream the whole morning, and there will be other screamers out there too so they can all have a good ball together ! Maybe imagine all the toddlers having a good rant about their Mums whilst the Mums have a good old moan about their toddlers !!

Haven't read all of thread, but from first page it's lovely that your DD1 came to wipe away a tear when you were sad and shows you've done a great job in raising a sensitive daughter, tuned into others emotions at an early age and with the resources to offer support to others !

And as for DD2 taking everyone by surprise and being born at home - well congratulations on handling that so well Thanks & second babies are notorious for taking their mothers and even the midwives by surprise with speedy arrivals.
I nearly didn't make it to hospital either with DC2 as midwives told me to wait longer when I called to say I was coming in - I just had my calm even in a crisis voice on I think ! And DSis's DC3 arrived at home in the bath before the paramedics arrived !

I think someone should tell midwives and HCP's generally about speedy second babies !

Anyway, hope you have a good morning Pumble and DD1 gives you a breather soon !

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 23/01/2013 09:53

Ear plug buying expedition, I expect Wink.

DeepRedBetty · 23/01/2013 10:26

Morning pumble, hope you've a not-too-screamy outing.

If people look at you when you're out and about with a screamer, just remember that nine out of ten of them are remembering their own grim days with screamers and are actually sympathetic but don't want to interfere, and the other tenth are either not experienced with the dubious joys of parenthood or had Stepford Babies.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 23/01/2013 11:48

Yy. Or you could try the detached, "I'm paid to do this" expression. Or even, if in judgy company of people you're never like to see again, eg in a queue or in the changing room at a big store, adopt a slightly foreign accent and say, "Oh dear cherie poor maman/papa will be so sad when I tell them how grumpy you've been today!"

Complete with gallic shrug and raised what-can-one-do eyebrows. So liberating!

I would never do this personally oh no.

Original poster
Pumble · 23/01/2013 14:35

donkeys that is a genius idea - love it!!

The screaming disappeared when we went out to the park which is fabulous but if anyone would like to convince pumblett 2 she would like a sleep - feel free!!!

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 23/01/2013 14:39

Oi, pumblett 2!

Go to sleep NOW!!!!

Oh Donkey I wish I'd thought of that... inspired!

Sorry about all the !!! Blush

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 23/01/2013 14:46

Happy to help Grin

NightmareWalking · 23/01/2013 15:00

Hi Pumble - been following this thread and wishing you well but everyone else has had much better advice than I could give! - but when my DD was like this I made sure she was fed and clean and then DH would sit up with her and send me to bed to sleep - would this work for your family? There's time enough for 'proper bedtimes' to be established later I think (DD is now 19 weeks and goes to bed before me now!)

crazyscientist87 · 23/01/2013 19:24

Hello Pumble,
I'm sorry to have come to this thread so late but I've actually gone through all 23 pages and I've had tears come to my eyes. I really hope things get better for you - take it a day at a time, or an hour at a time if you have to. The ladies here have been giving you so much fantastic support and advice - just don't give up. The best thing for your daughters is you, a mother can't be substituted. That's whats special about being a mother. You can do it, just don't try to do everything and let the unimportant stuff go e.g. cleaning, cooking and the like.
i don't really know what else to say but that we are all here rooting for you. (Unfortunately I'm in London otherwise I would definitely come round to help you).
xx

Original poster
Pumble · 23/01/2013 20:03

Pumblett 2 has decided to join the screaming party tonight... I don't have the energy but can't hide entirely as can't leave dh with them both. (The worst bit is my wine is downstairs and I'm upstairs!).
I wish I knew the answer to all this but then if I did I'd probably be a millionaire!

OP posts:
Original poster
Pumble · 23/01/2013 20:04

I don't mean pumblett 2 - I mean pumblett 1. (pumblett 2 screaming is hardly a shock!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Pumble · 23/01/2013 20:12

There must be something that will work with pumblett 2 but what? I feel we have tried everything.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 23/01/2013 20:47

I wish I knew. Racks brain. Someone once said it's like the crying is magnified because you tense and recall all the hours crying that have gone before. Maybe there isn't a solution as such because whatever it is will be transitory and she'll outgrow it. I'm sorry if that sounds like throwing in the towel. My sister was like this and after I'd married and began discussing starting a family, MIL let slip DH was too!

Does she still have a cold?

Original poster
Pumble · 23/01/2013 21:12

They are both still full of cold. Pumblett 2 gets really blocked up in the evening and now I am feeling a little more rational (all has been quiet for a while) I know that this won't be helping her and to be honest I am also 95% sure that wind plays quite a part, especially as her last feed of the day is three times the size of her normal feeds if any of this makes sense? I know it won't last forever and it is so much better than it was but it doesn't make it any easier when it is actually happening. I hope some of that makes sense?!

OP posts:
TiddlyOmPomPom · 23/01/2013 21:29

Did you try a cranial osteopath for P2? I don't think it did much for my DS, but lots of people swear by it, so it might be good to try?

Do you know the baby massage techniques to release wind? There are a few different ways to do it, it often helped DS. Still does actually, he's a total windbag like his parents
I have a friend who teaches baby massage here, but if you would like to meet up I can dig out my class notes for you to try out.

NotGeoffVader · 23/01/2013 21:31

We resorted to a few drops of olbas oil (or Eucalyptus, or pine) on a tissue close to the radiator (out of DD's reach) in the bedroom a little before bedtime to clear the air.

My friend says that clary sage (a drop or two) in an oil burner (those things where you put water in a dish over a candle) helps with coughs. Obviously not leaving a burning candle unattended in a child's room.

I think we used infacol a little bit when DD was small as she was quite windy. She still is to be honest - although now she's bigger she delights in telling us 'bit windy' or 'big fart'. Pure class! :)

Agree with what other posters have said though, when you're tense and tired the screaming always seems so much worse.

Good idea about going out, and yy to shrugging and pretending to be a CM! :)

Original poster
Pumble · 24/01/2013 13:45

I normally use karvol but it says not suitable for under three months... Olbas oil says 'not recommended under three months', therefore I am wondering about using some of that in the room (but obviously not near her) as it doesn't say not suitable but not sure.

I did have an appointment for cranial osteopath but then cancelled as she seemed a little better...not sure whether to try again.

Popped out this morning and when we were walking back to the car, Pumblett 1 had had enough and so wasn't entirely quiet....a lady smiled at me in a kind way as we walked past her and I was trying to convince pumblett 1 to walk a little further and it really made my day to know she wasn't judging me!

OP posts:
magimedi · 24/01/2013 22:52

and now I am feeling a little more rational

That's the best news I've heard today!

Lots of people aren't judging you - I bet that smile was in sympathy as random lady had been where you are now.

Hope you had a reasonable evening.

DeepRedBetty · 25/01/2013 00:04

Hi just dropping by to check in on the Pumble saga... can't do any harm to see cranial osteopath.

And the kind smile lady was exactly what I meant in my last post here!

Sorry my request to Pumblett 2 clearly fell on deaf ears, and Pumblett 1 joining in just adds insult to injury. Clearly your daughters pay as little attention to me as they do to you on the subject of not screaming the house down. To be fair, neither LittleBetty1 or LittleBetty2 paid any attention to me when I asked them to please shut up as Mummy was knackered and was going to burst into tears unless they stopped, when they were teenytiny. Then daddy/my mum/my sis would pick them up, they'd stop, and I'd feel like the most useless person in the history of creation. Looking back I now suspect it was a mixture of surprise and co-incidence...

Anyway hope tonight hasn't been too disastrous, xxx DRB

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 25/01/2013 00:12

Midnight and still watching telly (my exciting evening) and hoping things are quiet in the Pumble household.

Always cheering when a stranger doesn't hoick up judgy pants. Chances are they've experienced the same and sympathise.

Greenkit · 25/01/2013 00:15

Im on nightshift again so im here if you need me Grin