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Original poster

Driving away

999 replies

Pumble · 28/12/2012 00:52

I don't know where to post this and don't know what to do. I'm sitting here crying again with my 5 week old dd2 and just know that the best thing I could do for both of my girls is to get in the car and drive. If dd2 ever goes to sleep that is what I must do. I won't be leaving them alone and it will break my heart but it's what will be best for them. They deserve so much better than the useless failure of a mother they have.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I guess to feel less alone

OP posts:
january29 · 14/01/2013 22:09

Pumble I think you are amazingly strong and a fantastic mum for caring so much. I hope you have a good night.

NaturalBaby · 14/01/2013 22:25

It's o.k to have a down moment - you will go up and down but when you look back the downs won't last as long. It'll take time, it's really hard to wait but every day is a step closer to the end of this rough patch.

magimedi88 · 15/01/2013 00:24

I don't know what I'd do without this thread at the moment. Knowing it's here and I can 'talk' on it really helps - thank you for sticking around for me.

We'll stick with you all the way. Just give it a wee bit longer & those AD's will kick in & you'll really start to feel better.

This is the first thread I come to every time I log in to MN. There are lots of us out here holding your hand & you are doing so well.

((( X )))

Original poster
Pumble · 15/01/2013 01:47

Totally falling apart. Both pumbletts have been screaming all night. I have to leave them-I can't comfort them. No ADs are going to help. My girls deserve better. I should just go and jump off a cliff-im no use to anyone.

OP posts:
Greenkit · 15/01/2013 02:00

PUMBLE dont you dare talk like that!

Your girls need you

Is your husband with you xxx

Original poster
Pumble · 15/01/2013 02:02

Dh with older pumblett. I've got the little one.

I'm pretty sure he thinks im useless anyway so probably agrees with me.

OP posts:
Greenkit · 15/01/2013 02:05

I am nights so talk to me.

I am pretty sure your husband loves you very much and doesnt think you are useless at all.

It can be hard, my middle daughter never slept at all, I then had a baby (22 months between them). I spent the first 3yrs like a zombie. BUT you can get through it I promise you

Greenkit · 15/01/2013 02:07

My two are 14 and 16 now, stil a pain but a different type Grin

Original poster
Pumble · 15/01/2013 02:08

I just can't take it anymore. I can't do anything right for either of the girls anymore. They deserve so much better.

OP posts:
Greenkit · 15/01/2013 02:12

I know it seems everything is wrong, sleep deprevation is the very worse feeling in the world and can make you think all sorts of crazy things.

Make a list of the things you feel are wrong and try and work through each one, rather than 'everything is wrong' try and be specific. This will help you to pin point problems and look at where you need to go for help on each thing.

Greenkit · 15/01/2013 02:13

I would suggest Sleep is your worst thing at the moment, and every bit of non sleep your 'problems' seem bigger. They are not it just that you knackered.

Greenkit · 15/01/2013 02:15

Do you have anyone who can babysit for a couple of hours so you can catch up on some sleep. If your more relaxed you might find that the baby settles better.

Has baby pumble been checked out, perhaps there is an issue?

Original poster
Pumble · 15/01/2013 02:21

Younger pumblett is apparently fine. There's nobody to babysit as family are miles away.

OP posts:
Greenkit · 15/01/2013 02:25

Friends? just someone to give you a brake

I feel so sad for you, because I know it will get better xx and you sound so desperate

mysaladdays · 15/01/2013 02:32

Hi, have just read through bits of your thread- admittedly not all of it, but I didn't want to read and run.

My friend felt a lot like you sound to, very recently as it happens. She saw her gp and feels a lot, lot better now the tablets have kicked in. I'm sure it'll be the same for you.

You sound like you really care for your girls. No one can be super duper all the time, there must be times when your dh has needed support from you, this is his opportunity to do the same in return. You've had two children together, he must think something of you.

One foot in front of the other, don't expect anything fancy of yourself and accept any help offered. You will get there. Your girls are only small, you'll get back to the you you recognise and they will have their loving mum for a long time yet.

Good luck

Original poster
Pumble · 15/01/2013 02:35

Nobody I can think of. Don't like to put people out.

Dh has gone to sleep in older pumblett's bedroom leaving me with a screaming child. Not what I needed.

OP posts:
Greenkit · 15/01/2013 02:39

Is he working tomorrow, because if not he can have the baby while you sleep.

Friends will help if they are true friends, that what they are there for xx

Where are you in the country?

Greenkit · 15/01/2013 02:41

Are you still BF, because maybe she isnt getting enough? I know people go on about breast is best blaa blaa, but sometimes it just isnt and it might help to fill her up?

oxeye · 15/01/2013 02:41

why not let him sleep for an hour and then wake him up if little pumblett is still screaming and swop so you get an hour?

stick at it you are doing really well and it WILL get better

Greenkit · 15/01/2013 04:09

I am hoping you non reply is due to baby pumble going to sleep xx

I hope so

AlienReflux · 15/01/2013 04:37

Hey pumble Am up too with a non sleeper, mines 18 months now,so I'm used to it! Those early days are the hardest imo, nothing you do seems to work, it WILL get better love, go easy in yourself and sleep/nap whenever you can.

Original poster
Pumble · 15/01/2013 06:55

I'm still here. Managed about two hours (being optimistic). Older pumblett screaming now. Im so so tired.

OP posts:
ben5 · 15/01/2013 07:37

I cant offer much help but I am good at making a brew. sending you a hug in the hope it makes you feel somewhat better.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 15/01/2013 08:45

Sleep deprivation affects most people adversely even without that swirl of hormones and having two little ones to care for. You are a good caring mother you don't have to prove anything to anyone.

ImNotCute · 15/01/2013 09:44

Hi pumble, words are so inadequate. I wish I could do more to help, if I was local I'd be round in a shot if you'd have me.

You WILL get better and the hardest stage of having 2 dc will pass. But as you sound like you're at crisis point you can get extra support for yourself while you wait. Please do one of the following:

  1. contact your gp or HV again. They will have contacts for local sources of support eg home start. Your gp would fit you in as an emergency. Your HV would not mind you previously didn't admit you were struggling, it's really common that women don't admit this. Ask your dh to call someone for you if you can't face it yourself.

  2. admit to a friend or your dh how bad you feel and they will help you. Needing help doesn't mean you're useless. Once or twice my dh had to take annual leave at short notice or come home early from work. His boss was understanding, especially as he had kids himself. I didn't like doing it but it kept us all safe at a time when I was really struggling. Recently my mum admitted to me she'd had to do the same once when me and my siblings were little, and I don't think she was even diagnosed as depressed.

I will be thinking of you and checking in for updates. Be kind to yourself, you are doing your best and will get through it somehow.