Borderline Personality Disorder

[frillynat81]

Hi there...

Just thought I'd start a new thread to see if there are any mumsnetters with BPD who'd like to come chat, share how they're feeling, coping techniques, experiences etc.

x

I am a stickler for routine & have lots of OCD traits. If my routine changes or plans fall through, I panic and pretty much have a tantrum... I don't know how to manage.

I also have very intense emotions... I don't just feel upset, I get angry with rage & hurt. This is mainly with DP so you are not alone flicksticks.

Obviously, I try to keep it all in check and try to save my meltdowns for when I'm away from DS & not in public but I know I am hard work

I have very vivid dreams... if I've been really busy in my dream, I tend to wake up exhausted (more than usual).

I also have similar sort of impulses. I remember when I was much younger having an almost uncontrollable urge to rip curtains down or throw books or something.

Hope you feel brighter today, Boobs.

Please will someone link to the book or post what it is called? I can't find it on the thread.

Hi fluffy, sure x

I used to hate the dreams that I used to have. They were really bad and quite scary, I used to be awake and straight after the dream I would have hallucinations for a good few minutes after like dark figures standing over my bed and one time I saw that my whole bed was covered in worms. I got to the stage I could only sleep with my light on I was so scared. At times, I still have hallucinations like I see a white figure out of the corner of my eye and it gives me such a fright, sometimes to the stage that I cry out. Bet I sound mental lol.

I get really bad sleep paralysis, does anyone else get it?? Also I am RH negative blood, apparently BPD traits are more common with this blood type for some reason?!

Sorry Grockle, it's called Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified. Best book on BPD I have read. Hard work at points, but very encouraging.

Today has been a better day. DP (?) is coming home tonight, however, so I now need to actually deal with the issues that have become more apparent in the week I have spent apart from him. Don't know when I'll see him next. Not sure if I want to right now. A few things are just starting to eat away at me, and I don't know if it is beneficial to me to continue this any more :(

One of my lovely friends sent me a cake in the post today. I don't know who as there was no name in the card. But it was really sweet, and turned my day around.

Supposed to be going to a family party tomorrow, but don't know if I can face it, physically or mentally. My pain levels are through the roof (making me vomit) and I know the uncle that will be there dislikes me. It is a one year olds birthday party, so there will also be loads of noise, and my sense are already on over drive, bloody M.E. Feel like I'm letting DS down if I don't take him to see his family though :(

Hope you're all okay.

Hi everyone, I have a question about 'hypomanic' symptoms and BPD. Can you get them just because of BPD or does it suggest you are also bipolar II? I do have these but usually it doesn't last long (sometime up to a couple of weeks but mostly only for days). I'm hoping its all one thing not both but for some reason im spending lots of time stressing about whether there is something else going on too.

Thanks for recommending the book SirBoob i will get hold of a copy

I had a period of mania but I am pretty sure (as was my pysch) that it was triggered by being on venlafaxine for my depression.
flick I am also resus negative!

MaggieMaggieMaggieMcGill - Have you checked out some of the RH neg websites? I wonder whether my behaviour is BPD or just because I am Rhesus Neg? Guess I will never know!

Guys check this out www.leecrandallparkmd.net/pdfs/gifted.pdf

Are we empaths?!

Hi Everyone,

Does anyone else find weekends hard? I always struggle. I think its because there's an expectation to be happy and do lots of things to make the most of the family being together but its always crap.

DP keeps pointing out all my insecurities about my looks. He says he's just joking but you wouldn't say someone had a big nose if they haven't, whether you were joking or not (not sure if that makes sense written down). Its still drawing attention to something I don't want to think about. Its everyday now. Wednesday and Thursday he was taking the piss out of my hair, Friday it was my 'rock jaw' and today my nose. Its making me want to go out looking for attention from other people just to make myself feel better about myself. I know its stupid and vain but I just want to be told I'm beautiful by someone that's supposed to love me.

larahusky I've not managed to work for a few years. I quit my full time job after a complete breakdown, the stress just completely set me off. I was only able to get housing benefit though and get by on working 2 days a week as I didn't have anything physically wrong with me. I now work from home every now and again when I get commissions. I don't know how I would be if I went back to full time work but I find it hard enough leaving the house.

Flick reading that is actually quite scary as I so recognise myself in that. I can walk into a room and pretty much know how everyone in that room is feeling. I can sense pretty accurately when someone is bullshitting me. Wow, heavy stuff!

Illustrated it sounds like you partner is a dick with abusive tendencies. My stbex-h used to do stuff like that, hence why he is a stbex!

Illustrated, that's a form of gas lighting. "It was only a joke", "lighten up", "don't you have a sense of humor?". All ways of insulting you, and then making you feel bad for being insulted in the first place. He sounds like a prize wanker, prying on your insecurities, and you do not not that crap in your life.

waves to all... how are you lot?

I haven't been sleeping great so I'm grumpy as fuck (excuse my French).

ordered 2 books from amazon on bpd but can't remember the titles. will get back to you with those

One is called 'Girlfriend from Hades' and the other is 'On knife's edge: a young girl's journey through BPD'.

That's weird, just been doing some writing and I used the phrase 'balanced on a knife edge of desire'.
The central character, is probably BPD, which would make sense as it is quite a biographical piece.

frilly have you been on Boobs thread on BPD?

All of your writing does make the whole black and white thinking thing clearer, thank you all so much. It does fit in a bit with my relationship with dp, we are generally just so/so, we get along, now and again though I will be convinced that he is cheating, or that he hates me and will make a big fuss .

He is very very passive though and will never pick me up on my behaviour, if he does something I don't like I do tell him, but he just never does the same for me.

I don't know, I often think he is actually far more fucked up than I am, I can't fix him, I'm too busy not fixing myself.

I have tried to split up with him in the past, he just refuses though, unless I pack up my stuff and leave, we are never splitting up. He is not abusive, just very dependent.

I do feel that I know how people are feeling, and like you say when they are bullshitting me. But I never have confirmation that what I am feeling is true, it could be, but I never know.

It's a bit of a cynical way to be but if I do feel that someone is bullshitting me, Pariah, I give them rope and let them hang themselves with it.

what kinda stuff do you write maggie? the books I ordered sound quite good. I read a bpd book by a lady called Rachel Reiland, anyone heard of her?

god I'm so feckin tired I could cry...

maggie...

saw boobs post, yeah. some interesting comments. have you encountered any negativity before?