If a car ran over your foot...

[DrasticMeasures]

it would damage it, wouldn't it? What might happen?

Thumbwitch is right. You can't trust your own judgement in this (I'm speaking from my own personal experience here).

"Drastic - you are not well either. You are therefore ill. Please stop trying to talk yourself out of the help you clearly need. If your psych thinks you are coping that's because you are lying to him/her and pretending you are doing fine because you keep thinking "I'm not ill".

Stop it - be honest. Tell the truth. Tell them that you're carrying on on by autopilot and that you'd far rather run screaming from everything, or get yourself half-crippled so that you don't have to ever go back to work.

This is illness. Your inability to recognise that it is illness is PART of the illness. Accept it and DO something about it."

^^^^^ worth repeating

I don't know if I'm coping. I've done all the laundry, the house is clean and tidy, I've baked. I've showered, paid my bills, cleaned the animals. I read stories to DC, take DC places. I don't lie on the sofa all day & do nothing.

There isn't a job I'd rather do - I love it. I just don't want the stress that goes with it.

I will be honest with GP next week. I don't want to live like this.

So - in your eyes "coping" means going through the motions of life, doing all the jobs that need doing, am I right?

Good for you.

Doesn't it? I don't know what coping is. I'm doing everything I have to do. I like doing things.

I can definitely understand the temptation to do something like this, and have felt like that myself - but thinking about it logically, it isn't a sensible solution.

Think about the possible outcomes - maybe you get a broken foot or something, and get to take a bit of time off. But it'll heal up soon enough (and if you have a sitting-down job, it likely won't justify you being off work long-term). Or you do serious damage to yourself, so you're unable to go to work for a long time - but then surely you're not going to be able to look after your DC or enjoy being with them, or sleep well, or any of the things you want.

I think you need to get signed off for mental health reasons (seriously, never mind what people at work think), tell your GP that you're not coping, unable to sleep, and feeling you might seriously harm yourself. And when you're able to, start looking for a new job.

If you like doing things, what's the attraction of being injured?

Drastic what is your job at the moment?

Ephiny is also very right. Obviously it's catching.

I'm exhausted. If I was hurt, I would have a reason to not do so much. If it was my foot, I might be able to hobble. That's why breaking my hand won't help. I don't have a desk job, I have to be able to move easily and quickly.

If you are entiltled to a certain amount of sick time there is nothing your employer can do. If they are hassling you to go back to work when you have a sick line that is wrong.

Please look after yourself, this is the sadddest thread I've seen for a long time.

If you're exhausted by your life then I would say you aren't coping. Would you agree?

I'm a teacher in a specialist role. I genuinely love the children and the people I work with. But I'm sick of jumping through hoops and constantly being told that, no matter how much I do, it's not enough or it's not right. People constantly watching everything I do, making demands. I do A, B & C, meet all my deadlines and then they say I have to do X, Y & Z as well.

You're probably right Calaina. I know. I know.

What do you know?

That I'm obviously not coping. I just feel like everything is fucked up and I don't know why. I don't understand why I can't face doing a job that I love. I don't understand why I want to run away from the life I've worked so hard to have. I don't understand why I get depressed and why it happens over and over again. I don't understand how my life goes so wrong.

"And I do cope with things, I plod on and on and on and on til I can't do it anymore."

That isn't coping. Because of this bit "til I can't do it anymore", If there is going to be a point where you can no longer cope, it isn't coping.

I know that feeling though. When I was really struggling last winter I'd hope to get a really bad bout of flu because then I'd have to step off the treadmill. But when being ill (or injured) is a better prospect than carrying on with a job that you say you love, something needs fixing.

Good luck with the GP.

The 'exhausted by life' feeling sounds a lot like depression - you say it's being treated, but clearly you are not well if you're still feeling that way.

That sounds a like a very stressful and demanding job, I'm sure it's a rewarding one as well and you are doing valuable work, but if it's making you ill then you need to start looking at other options (and not the ones you're thinking of!).

I left a stressful job for the sake of my mental health and happiness, and while it was a bit of a risk and has left us less well-off financially, it was with hindsight absolutely the right decision.

If the paperwork and jumping through hoops is part of your job then you dont love your job. I know a lot of teachers who say the same as you, including my parents who left the profession.

I like doing paperwork. I'm always on top of it and the first to hand in reports/ data etc. It's the constantly being watched and criticised that I'm stressing about. I don't know why. But yes, it goes with the job and maybe it's not the best thing for me and DC. If I weren't a single parent (DP doesn't live with us) it might be easier. I don't know. I feel like a failure.

How do you feel about the fact that your life goes so wrong? How do you feel about yourself?

I am disabled and I have mental health problems. Being injured might seem to solve your problems, but trust me it just changes them into different problems. Coping with pain and reduced mobility is stressful in itself and you are not guaranteed that your life will continue on as it is should you try this action plan.
My being this way has a very big impact on what I am able to do with my kids and is really affecting their childhood.

Planning to injure yourself is a sign of deeper mental health problems, what you need to do is go back and fully disclose how you are feeling and be signed off. Stress is a natural bodily response and if you are at a point where you need a break, then your work is very silly to frown on it.

I don't know. My head is spinning.

I'm tired of life being a constant struggle. I'm tired of fighting all the time. I want DC to be happy. I don't care about anything else.

I'm sorry Rabbit - I know it must be incredibly difficult. Wanting to disable myself is ridiculous. I have a friend who is very seriously disabled and I know I wouldn't want that. I see him struggle with pain and moving and it's awful. I'm sure he'd do anything to not have that every day.

My parents ended up being educational consultants and ran their own business as they found being teachers too stressful. I gave up teaching and work in admin role in an institute. There are lots of other options. What does your dp do?