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[Quattrocento]

I have a friend who has mental health issues. Hitherto, this friend has been dearly beloved, and cared for and treated as one of the family.

Recently this friend made a fairly serious suicide attempt. He spent 10 days in hospital, stomach pumps, drips, psychiatric evaluations and what have you.

During all this time, I was his only visitor. I took him food (daily), clean clothes, washed him and kept him company. I did not have time for this. There was one day when I had to catch a flight to Zurich, getting up at 4am, landing back in the UK at 7pm, and then driving 90 minutes to get to the hospital to check he was okay, take him fresh clothes and food and stay for a couple of hours to keep him company. I neglected my own family throughout this entire period.

I was horrified by the behaviour of his mother and sister, who never once visited. I was horrified by the behaviour of his million and one semi-friends, who also never visited. I can tell you that this took a huge emotional and physical toll on me. I was terrified for the first 24 hours when it wasn't clear whether he would survive. The next 9 days were no picnic either.

So, said friend posts on FB "Thanks to all of you who were there during the dark times". And I think, well, I didn't want any recognition for this. But frankly, there was no-one else there during those dark times, other than me. And I feel unreasonably angry about this post. I spent those days oscillating between being exhausted and being terrified. I didn't do it for recognition. I did it because I love him. But this form of non-recognition (thanking his other 700 FB friends for 'being there' when they patently weren't and I would so have loved someone, anyone else being there to help) is offensive. I am just angry about this.

Has he thanked you at all in person?

I would be just as angry I'm afraid.
Then again, depression is a beast. My fist thought was that he thinks he'll lose face were it widely known that no one apart from you cared about him.
Then again, depressed or not, if that's true, he did behave twatishly towards you.

Sorry about grammar!

he did behave twatishly towards you

how??

I can see why you would be upset. I think his posting that was, to him, completely unrelated to his thoughts and feelings towards you. Which doesn't make the thoughtlessness any less difficult to stomach, but it wasn't meant as a slight to you.

I also think you've been incredible. Hopefully when he is feeling a bit more stable, you will be able to resume a more reciprocal friendship.

I said if that's true, that no one else was there, then yes.
Op helped, if she was the only one, why thank other people?

See, one does not have to say thank you.
One does it by choice, and if he chooses to thank people who weren't there, then better not thank anyone at all.

Quattro, no, no no, please don't take it badly or take it up with him. He is broken and proud and miserable all at the same time. He's also mentally unwell. He knows you were there for him, and he'll thank you properly when he's better.

Is there a chance that you've put so much into this that you are expecting a bit more back faster than he can give? You might also have carer-sympathy-failure, or whatever it's official known as, because it'll have tired you out and you resent it.

i wish i had a friend like you OP.

depression is a beast so try not to read too much into all this. You did some wonderful things to help a friend and it's natural to want to be thanked but the truth is you may not be. Just rest safe in the knowledge that you did The Right Thing. that's enough.

I believe in Karma

Maybe some people were FB him in hospital, or maybe he was being both sarcastic to those who didnt and thank ful to you and the doctors nurses, mental health teams that did?

I agree with SundaeGirl. Try not to take this personally. He is probably still quite unwell, and struggling to deal with the fact that friends and family were so apparently uncaring. Bear in mind that most people put sanitised versions of their life on FB, so wouldn't want the unvarnished truth out there.

Thank you all. Yes, probably i am a bit tired and over-reacting.

I can understand if he doesn't want people to think no-one bothered with him. He is obviously not feeling that great about himself and life in general at the moment, and his public persona has taken a bit of a hit, so maybe he was trying to paint a picture of someone much loved by many people? A FB message saying 'was really upset no-one bothered with me after my suicide attempt' would be more worrying for me. Your friend's FB message probably made some people think 'maybe I should have been there'.

Be happy that you were a good friend and you did all you could for your friend in a horrible situation.

I agree with everybody else about his message being sarcastic.

I'm sure he appreciates your efforts, he is probably quite upset that nobody else seemed to care. Now he knows who his real friends are, you sound like a very good friend.

It's so sad that even his own family didn't bother to visit, no wonder he has problems.

I think he means you.

Look after yourself, this has obviously taken a huge amount out of you... it would of anyone. I would love for someone to give you a long hug now... wrap you in positivity.

you sound like a wonderful person who reached out to help someone in need and be proud of yourself for that.
As to why he wrote that I dont know. I have a friend who suffers from depression and she is always putting up on FalseBook requests for help. There will be then a long line of excuses from people why they cant help or why they are busy yet she will still at the end say thank you for all the help. I often wonder why but I think she likes to believe people will help her I really dont know.

That sounds a bit like a sarcastic status to me if like you said you were the own person who helped.

He's probably being generalistic i.e. for those who were thinking of me, thank you.

He also might have had phone calls and / or Facebook comments posted or left for him and that's what he means.

I can understand your frustration but if he posted up "Thank you to x, she helped me through it all" his other friends might've thought he was having a pop at them.

Not that it's right or anything, just explaining why he might've done this.

Sorry read it again,

perhaps just leave hes clearly not in a 'good place' seems like hes trying to put a good face on.

Wow you are a lovely friend

I totally get how wrung out you feel, how ungrateful he seems, how bloody cross and frustrated you are by his whole situation and lack of family interaction at his weakest times.

Ive just walked away from a long term friend who sounds quite similar - I asked here if people thought I was unreasonable to walk away because he just dragged me down so very far when I am trying so hard to sort my life out. I was tired of feeling guilty for being happy. I can hand on heart say although its tough it is a HUGE relief to not to be the one who takes all the rough with the very little smooth.

You need to decide if you can actually carry on being the one who always picks up the pieces, be his battering ram, his sounding board, his mother, keeper,cleaner,his carer,his 2 am mercy mission call receiver, and basically to feel well and truly used by him and cast aside when he gets his euphoric days. He will barely notice your existence unless it suits him.

I know its harsh of me to say, but its how I look back and see the past many years now.Eventually I was not fit to speak to and he ignored me for months - it went in a 3 year cycle and I decided this time thats the end. I have new numbers and new email addy, if he wants me he will have to bloody come and find me.

Please before you let this really get to you any further decide how much you are prepared to put up with for your sanity and your families sake.

He must have a very low self esteem to do what he did. To try to die and have only one person care (albeit a lovely caring friend) must be pretty awful. I imagine he feels shame and sadness. There is nothing mean being directed at you. He is in a bad way mentally (OBVIOUSLY). Please don't be angry with him. He needs your friendship very badly. If I were you, I'd be tempted to contact his family and ask where the fuck they were when he needed them.

Everything that fallenpetal said.

And Don't think too harshly of his family. In two or three years down the line when he's wrung you emotionally dry with little or no thanks or even acknowledgement for what you've done, you may decide you've had enough of him too. I know that sounds harsh but me and my family are at that point now with my sister, I seriously fear for my parents wellbeing if they have to put up with any more of her shit. I'm expecting a call any day to say my dads had a heart attack or my mums had a nervous breakdown.

Don't you think this may be his roundabout way of telling you how much it means to him that you did do all of that for him. It must be very hard for him to say what he actually means.

No, I don't frankly. I think he has no idea what he put me through.