The Cybergarden - Midwinter Edition

[shodatin]

Hope this is Post No. 1001 equivalent, having just used up the thousandth space and feel I shouldn't ask Madmouse to organise the next one again.

Have just looked into summerhouse to check fire is burning gently, tray of [brew} organised by upward to turn into one's favourite hot drink of the moment is standing ready for visitors, along with a few pounds of chocolates from huge box sent by DSis. (Before DB eats any more today)

It's usually tianc, upward and hob who remember to be hospitable and also remember to send good wishes to previous visitors, including said madmouse and mouselet, kizzie and family, NanaNina, Butterpie and another name which eludes me just now, but am hoping you'll find your way to this new part of the Cybergarden
and continue visiting in the New Year, along with hob's time-travelling cat Her Felinity and her welcome associate ndt (next-door's-tom), who visit us quite often, bringing gifts of when they remember, instead of the usual dead rodents which they know are unwelcome in the cybergarden.

Have just had lovely large lunch, plus Skype visit from rest of relatives, so will have a little potter round RL garden, hoping all is well and welcoming now in cybergarden's summerhouse.

Hope everyone's made it safely through the night's howling gales - still going on here!

at x-post!

Oh no! re final demise of star. It's done good well to make it through Christmas given the repeated storms.

Thank you for s and s shodatin ... my turn to do the shopping ... hmmmm , < finds huge wad of cash under sofa cushions and orders piles of of wholemeal , satisfying , breads , cakes and biccies with dates , nuts , seeds , prunes and honey >

Oh my lordy , am I the only one who thinks this sounds a bad as the gales '87 ? I woke up a couple of times and wondered about us all , upward particularly of course , who I fear will have had a bad night

Oh my shodatin , are you going to go out in this ? I worry about flying debris - a neighbour here just missed being killed by huge old branch falling , last autumn , and years ago a neighbour from years ago was sadly killed by a gust making her topple and hit her head < cheery > Dh managed to walk to first day back at work , though - we're lucky the break has been longer this year

< waves to Nilgiri's DP and wishes him a magnificent 2012 from cybergarden >

Many thanks for cautious pompoms , [Nilgiri] - when can we have pompom emoticons ? - and may I invite us us all to join in a cautiously celebratory morris dance to your continued improvement , inspired by advert in my local paper for new dancers < if only >
< tricks DH into attending >

< dormice nibble seeds looking troubled by idea that lovely Nilgiri could ever feel she's not contributing the maximum to the cybergarden , and hoping RL expectations have eased off >

Oh yes shodatin , your poor star - a toast to its good service

Gales were bad in town, not a hope of holding coat closed or even zipping it up after leaving car-seat, but decided against the longer trip to bigger town as I worry about flying debris too.
My prescription had gone missing too - I put in request for separate prescription for item which I order myself direct from manufacturer, but unpleasant person at surgery who doesn';t like me and frequently messes up my prescriptions had been at this one too, and all they could find was date of my request... However, lovely new nurse or dispenser offered to phone usual pharmacy to see if it was there, which saved me a journey as they knew nothing about it this time, but she sorted it in another two minutes by getting Doctor to sign another.
I suppose it's too much to hope that original pondlife has left and been replaced by this lovely lady, and sorry to spend so much typing on subject, but I wanted to share how happy I felt at the solution, and how much I feel like joining in a morris dance (wonders about organising a version where sticks are also used for balance, or operated from wheelchairs)

So glad you got back safely , shodatin from shorter trip , but very sorry to hear abouut some of the behaviour of this potentially malicious person and will join you in hoping they no longer work there ( wondering if they're the type who start vendettas against those they realise have seen through them ) - thank you for sharing kind person's efforts

You are amazingly thorough to have chased the prescriptions up early & repeatedly , but how tiring . Perhaps after a good rest you could contemplate what to get as present to yourself , if haven't found the right thing yet

Of course our morris side is for people using mobility aids , & we have very short dances and many adaptations , from the aspects we might attempt ourselves like tuneful singing of rustic lyrics , right up to directing personal assistants to clash jingly staves < looks for a program for playing the virtual accordion ... you seem very musical , upward , would you care to try some time you feel up to it ? >

Thinking of you today as I think you were trying to decide whether to attend appt

May we try some of your namesake , *Nilgiri ?

Another vote here to try Nilgiri tea, hoping there's a bit left of the wad of cash hob found under the cushions.
Glad the disabled can join in, but regret that tuneful singing might be a problem too, apart from being unable to remember any words, rustic or not, but would be happy to accost bystanders with a bucket for cash contributions (thinking of next refreshments already), and to assist upward with turning music, etc.

Have been chasing one prescription or another since my first week at the surgery, (maybe five years ago, average 8-9 occasions p.a. which is too many for co-incidence ) when I got an amazingly sarcastic apology from someone who should have known better. Never mind, over now for another month.

I did decide on my Christmas present, a grooming aid advertised in magazine, but on checking Amazon I decided to buy the same brand direct at less than half price and with a guarantee, leaving me with enough for possibly another present to myself...

That's fortunate shodatin :)

Good idea re: the tea, nob and shodatin (and nilgiri in the first place).

I don't think anyone can have slept well last night, I'm hoping I do better tonight (and everyone else).

I hope you do better tonight too, upward, seems a long time since you mentioned a good sleep, and I do hope the doctor you're planning to consult can think of something helpful, even if it's just short-term. You manage amazingly well, but it must be difficult. The rest of us have dormouse tendencies to make up for the odd bad night, but you don't mention day-time naps.
It's still very windy here, but not seen/heard any damage and am hoping for an improvement tomorrow.

So sorry for mistyping your name, hob

It is hard for my to empty my mind at the moment, I think that's why no daytime naps.

Have recently noticed people benefitting from mindfulness meditation, and wonder if you've tried this, as it seems good for mind-emptying. My DB has been much improved by CBT counselling too, and it seems such a shame that some people can benefit and others have to struggle on without even a decent night's sleep.

All best wishes for a proper sleep tonight upward*, and ditto for anyone else visiting tonight. (Adds big apple log to fire to burn slowly overnight as so cold.) Bedtime here.

Hope we all get good rest tonight, especially Upward who must be quite drained.

Morning all - I slept through - hope others did, and today does look reasonable so far. Informed yesterday 5pm by Amazon that item now enroute, via Roal Mail, Standard, so am hoping this does mean quoted delivery of 7-10th Jan, and not this morning, as am planning to go out.
After strong coffee, of course (kettle on for assorted s, remembering huge variety of snack items purchased by hob).

Glad you hads a good night, shodatin, hope town is much less windy.

I just need to stop wqking up, nilgiri Good wishes to everyone today.

I went to the appt, told not so well/pale/tired, offered a couple of weeks admission and/or day services and/or meds changes, and a different diagnosis.

Still trying to process/remember what was said. :(

I want to avoid admission. I don't think hospital helps you get sleep, noisy, hot, and someone shining a torch at you every 15 mins/hour.

Any chance someone might put suggestions in writing upward? Yet another problem due to lack of proper sleep, and have to agree that hospital's one of the worst places to sleep, particularly without earplugs. Would it be the same ward, I wonder, or somewhere cooler and with more freedom while they try to adjust drugs? Can quite see why it would be safer to be admitted while they are monitoring, but for how long? Is there a particular HCP you'd feel comfortable discussing it with?

Belated morning lovely people , with apologies for dozing off again before goonights - will change timing of posts

Thank you so much for telling us about appt and suggestions made to you , upward ... am more than ever in awe at your determination to address the difficulties unflinchingly , and sorry it's so hard to recall all the details of the meeting - sympathies and You were brave to tell psych more , and I hope new ideas for treatment will finally give you some relief after yourr efforts to live with the problems

I hope the psychiatrist has made you feel supported to make your own decisions , which may unfortunately be rather academic if the vicious circle busy mind / sleep problems situation can't be improved . Have the specific medications been suggested already, which might break the cycle enough for your mind to start to recovering ? < expert here > So , it depends on what you think of those meds and whether you might experiment , with the advice of your professionals.

I'm concerned day hospital would be hard for you with the type of feelings which have been bothering you , and with the staff watching out for you being srtressful in itself , but am sure there are exercises you already work through to think through stressful events , - I sometimes do the simple CBT type ones when tired and stressy

It would be so good if your sleep and daytime symptoms could start to ease without having to have the upheaval of an admission , though if it did come to that perhaps the new diagnosis and med change will mean treatment is better , which might balance out the catastrophic effects upon your sleep - but that's for another day

Will the psych get back in touch shortly to discuss options ? Do you have any questions prepared about the options ? As you are so tired , as much rest and distraction as you ave te energy for are probably the only things to do for now

Sorry for all the things in posts I haven't mentioned yet - hope your delivery didn't arrive when you were out , shodatin ( fellow tuneless singer here, and my only talent is in accosting people in the street for a cause , so am looking forward to learning your persuasive ways ! Hmmm , with your dressmaking skills you might enjoy designing /running up a costume for us - drat , Notepad not installed yet so can't link you to ccostumes ( though Skype is reinstalled , thank you DH )

Hope your rest is reviving , Nilgiri - I don't suppose you or other cybergardeners have seen the film "Morris - a Life with Bells On " , have you ? I liked it ...

They're more worried about psychotic symptoms than sleep. I would feel awful if I hurt someone else (or me) by doing what I was told. Looking at a longer term diagnosis is hard to take.

Think I opted for day services and med changes (not keen on that). It would have been the same ward, most likely 2 weeks, so I'd rather not, not just because of the atmosphere, also because a lot of choices are taken away. E.g. if I was distressed on the ward, they'd not let me go out for a walk. As an outpatient, it just gets noted.

I'd also promised no more hospital admissions, thought the psych had said that too, it seems they meant no more admissions of many months.

PS ( again) upward , sorry if the suggestions about debriefing - typeexercises to manage stressful emotions sound patronising , as you probably show clients how to do these in your professional life... am projecting my ego issues and horror at being assessed , onto your situation , sorry

I'm concerned day hospital would be hard for you with the type of feelings which have been bothering you - I very much agree, this week I tried to cancel CMHT and today, so had a phone call reminding me I was going.

You're right re: my decisions may get academic, but I hope not. Different antipsychotics were suggested (I find these a lot harder to take than antidepressants, because of how they make you feel).

I see CMHT person tomorrow, they will be able to answer some questions (and will prob be pleased about day hospital).

Don't ever think advice is too simple, when my head is like this I forget lots. I do hate being assessed, but I am getting subtle hints that stepping out of the process may not be allowed to happen (in my best interests).

Thank you somuch for detailed answer, upward - sorry, am nipping in and out and don't haver internet phone so can't post properly till later , but so sorry if I sounded negative and am in awe also of your sharp mind even when you're struggling
Hope meds will help and other options won't be necessary , but perhaps there will be somehow be ways of expressing some of your feelings whilst there ... incredibly difficult

Peaceful afternoon as poss to all xx

Can't say much today, but can I just keep you company?

Lovely to have you here, Nilgiri, and of course you're more than welcome to sit quietly and enjoy the fire. Some days are just not good for talking, although it's nice to have somewhere to go as a change from home.
Am being quiet myself at present, taking in what upward's saying about possible treatment/s, and really pleased that hob knows enough about these things to make sensible suggestions.
Am also pleased to have a break for a , after just absent-mindedly sipping at water all afternoon, well, most of the afternoon, having had an hour's nap earlier to recover from today's shopping - yes, I did succumb to some half-price stuff in sales, but nothing exciting.
Glad the CMHT person will be able to answer some questions for you tomorrow upward, might even have a suggestion or two to make life easier - I hope so.

Forgot to mention hob - I don't know the morris film , not been to cinema for ages, and my collecting tecnique , knowing we're not allowed to shake tins, is just a fairly fierce smile, with a suggestion of being in the way..
Happy to sew together some costumes, if there;s one to copy, but will need plenty of time these days.