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Original poster

Can't sleep, marriage falling apart...

699 replies

Ineversignedupforthis · 18/10/2011 05:37

Trying to keep it together for now. Major problems with massively entitled, passive aggressive oh, which keep coming up. Been going on and off for 20 yrs (the problems).

Have bi-polar, which is generally under control, but know I have to be careful, particularly during stress, when I can't sleep.

Am back in that cycle where I wake up at 4 in the morning, almost bang on, as if by alarm clock. Any thoughts? Any poor sod up like me?

OP posts:
ChildofIsis · 21/12/2011 20:49

Oooh page 12!!!
I really need to get out more.

ParsleyTheLioness · 21/12/2011 20:59

Yes Isis....still makes me want to slap them though. Hard! Yes we are one third of the way through the thread. The next one should have have a more upbeat title methinks.

ChildofIsis · 21/12/2011 21:27

How about 'We're going to have a fantastic xmas cos grumpy twat has gone'!

ChildofIsis · 21/12/2011 21:28

Or even the 'We were too good for him and are happier without'!

ParsleyTheLioness · 21/12/2011 21:29
Xmas Grin
ChildofIsis · 21/12/2011 21:39

Or I could use a quote from a friend of mine :
'Doesn't he look rough now he doesn't have a wife looking after him?'

The truth is he looks dreadful, he's become a right scruffy bugger.

Oooh ooh another one 'Thank god the scruffy bugger's gone!'

ChildofIsis · 21/12/2011 21:41

I'm getting good at these now, could I get a job making up thread titles do you think?

I've got my Yule meditation to do so I'm off now.
Nighty night!

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer · 21/12/2011 21:42

That would fit mine as well. He has always been scruffy, and wore horrible oversized fleeces despite me saying how unfanciable he looked in them. T'will be interesting to see if he gets less scruffy, perhaps?

ChildofIsis · 22/12/2011 08:13

I assume ow likes him scruffy as he's got worse over the past year, despite the fake leather primarni jacket he's got.
He is a joke! Especially when he teams the jacket with cargos, he's almost 50 fgs.

ParsleyTheLioness · 22/12/2011 10:19

Good grief Isis...mine is not scruffy, but whenever I see him he seems to have perfected a hangdog/poor me/isn't it tragic/nothing to do with my actions demeanor.....makes me want to slap him. Hard. Not the effect he was hoping for I imagine!

ChildofIsis · 22/12/2011 12:12

When will people learn that acting like a child is what caused the situation in the first place.
Continuing to behave childishly will only make things worse.

ParsleyTheLioness · 22/12/2011 15:47

Quite.

ParsleyTheLioness · 23/12/2011 19:18

Isis, rudolph, where arrrrrrre you?

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer · 23/12/2011 19:24

Hello, are you all right Parsley. Have just had first row of Christmas, with DD who would not unwrap the brown paper from two parcels addressed to me when asked as they were not her presents and she wouldn't feel comfortable grrrr. AH did not back me up, and anyway we were having another row about who had bought Christmas trees over the years.

ParsleyTheLioness · 23/12/2011 19:27

Rudolph, you can't beat it....if it helps, my first exh and I had an enormous row over who would have custody of the dc if we split up. Logical you might think, except we didn't have any....mad or what?!

ParsleyTheLioness · 23/12/2011 19:28

Rudolph, yes in answer to question btw. You coping? I have had wine. It helps!

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer · 23/12/2011 19:32

It was a weak moment. Trouble is, DD has learnt it from AH who for several years now has just said no whenever I have asked him for the slightest bit of help. I remember one morning begging him to spare 10 lousy minutes helping me clear the kitchen up!

It will be interesting to see how they cope when AH eventually moves out, and DD goes to live with him. But I probably won't find out, will I?

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer · 23/12/2011 19:33

DD is 20, BTW.

ChildofIsis · 23/12/2011 20:43

I've had a strange day of contrasts.
DD spent the day with xh.

I've been getting on with tidying and cooking and did have a very low moment thinking about Mum.
I was wondering who I ought to ring when my friend and her adorable twins arrived with a surprise xmas gift.
They were just the right people, lots of hugs and daftness.
Then as they were leaving my lovely friend who lives in london arrived, she'd just got in on the train and insisted on coming to see if I was ok before going to her Mum's.

Then I get to xh's to collect DD to be told that he wants DD to go to ow's on boxing day for tea and the dna results have come in the post.
I told him she would be going nowhere for tea as we'll have been out all day and that in view of the fact that DD's Grandma has not been dead a week yet it was in very poor taste to try and force me.

Now for the best bit...

He won't be coming to see DD on xmas morning because I won't let him tell her about his bastard offspring.
I've told him that when I've verified the test results as genuine then she can be told, but not before xmas.

What sort of tithead would do this to his own flesh and blood?

He has completely burned his boats now as far as I'm concerned.
I will not be blackmailed.
He deliberately upset DD to try and force me to do what he wants, well he can just jog on.

I've told him he can see me in court in the new year over access visits, he won't like that, cos it costs money!
I am not backing down on this, I will not have DD upset any more.
I don't know what the rush is about but he can just go to hell.

ParsleyTheLioness · 23/12/2011 21:12

Isis (hugs) x

ChildofIsis · 24/12/2011 08:20

Well DD and I are having a good xmas eve so far.
We're off to a posh deli for lunch later on and are just chilling at the moment.

I'm wondering if the spineless wimp xh will ring at his usual time; this evening; to speak to DD?
I have a suspicion that he will not, his loss.
He's nailing his own coffin as far as I can see.

I have some concerns about xh's monthly payment into my bank next week, he may stop the direct debit.
I am very lucky to have a contigency fortunately, my lovely stepDad has already offered to help financially if DD and I need it.

I realised in the night that xh can't hurt me anymore, and I will not allow him to hurt DD by using her to get to me.
He's being a bully and so infantile.
I didn't give in to bullies when I was at school and I'm not going to start now.

ParsleyTheLioness · 24/12/2011 11:50

Have a good lunch...and come back later and update if you get chance.

RudolphthePinkNosedReindeer · 24/12/2011 12:13

Hope you had a nice lunch Isis. I hope things will be better now you realise he can't hurt you anymore.

DD and I had a huge row this morning, she doesn't understand why I will not agree to 50/50 or cashing in investments, and I told her it was my business anyway. We have had a hug, and before that she told me she loved me even tho I was being a pain. She wants to be treated like an adult, and doesn't believe that is what I'm doing - which I am.

ChildofIsis · 25/12/2011 09:50

Well I'm feeling quite victorious today.
Been up since 6am had a lovely time in my new room having breakfast and opening gifts with DD.

Xh rang at his usual time and DD refused to talk to him cos he'd upset her.
I encouraged her to at least listen to what he had to say, he was sobbing down the phone telling her how much he loved her.
I then was on the phone with him for 40 mins and gave him a good telling.
He denied blackmail but did admit to reacting out of fear, fear of what I don't know.
I also rubbed in all the support I gave to him when his parents died, including identifying his Mum's body so that she could be moved, he was away then too.

My Mum would be proud of me, what a tithead he is.

I pointed out that I have actively encouraged him to see DD, and have actually made it really easy for him to see her; including letting him come here when I don't want to see him, I've done what's best for DD and he's done what's best for him self.
I told him that whilst he was free to choose what he did that if he didn't see DD on xmas day it would be a noose around his neck forever, cue more sobbing, wtf.

I asked him why he was so upset, he'd got everything he wanted so what was his problem? Apparently he'd had a shit day and had been upset most of it, shame...we had a great day.
He said he had to think about whether he came today or not???
He text last night to say he would be here if it was ok with me. Of course it's ok with me he's DD's dad ffs.

I still think there's more 'truth' to come out, he's stopped denying other affairs if I mention it.
I wonder if he's trying to hide something from ow?

Sorry that turned into a full chapter.
Merry christmasYule to all!!!

ParsleyTheLioness · 25/12/2011 14:59

Oh Isis Merry Yule to you! So is he coming in the end or not....knob...I have had a phone call from ah. He is having a chaotic Crimbo with disorganised bil and sil...good. Make him realise it is quite good here. Says being away from us has brought it home to him. Again, good. Yes, sometimes I think these men would not know the truth if it bit them on the bum...