anxiety has taken over, can't cope with life right now

[kaylasmum]

hi, i've suffered from anxiety and depression for many years now. I've had cbt and am on citalopram 40mg. I have health anxiety and its ruining my life.

I've been to the drs 3 times in the last 2 and a half weeks and had 2 phone consultations too. I've been having diahorreah lots and i'm worried sick. I feel that the drs dismisss my health fears because of my anxiety. I'm losing weight cos i can't eat. Day to day life is an ordeal. I feel like i'm going insane.

I've been referred back for cbt. I just need someone to talk to, i can't really speak to my dp cos he does'nt understand and he's getting annoyed with me. He said to me the other day "are you going to keep going to the drs until they tell you that you do have cancer" i found that very hurtful. I feel so alone.

Hi kaylasmum
20 sessions is really good! What I meant by talking was more traditional talking therapy, where you go in & just talk about whatever is on your mind. The psychologist doesn't try to sort things out in the sane way as CBT, although they do try to help you look at what you've said & how it relates to other things you've discussed. It works if you have a good shrink, one that you trust.
I've mostly had that kind of therapy and it's made a big difference - even though I go down, it's never been as bad as before. Mind you, that might also be because my family are more supportive. It's quite bad just now but we're in the middle of trying to move house :-/

catx2- thats good that your blood results are fine, must be a relief to you. Hopefully you wont have to wait too long for you're hospital appt. Enjoy your time off work, at least thats one less stress on you.

Hi emma,
Its really hard living with this anxiety, especially when nobody understands what you're going through. I'm determined to beat this but its so hard atm, the anxiety has brought out depression and just getting out of bed is an ordeal never mind dealing with the everyday stuff.

Angstymummy- the last time i had cbt i went over lots of things from my past, my parents divorce, my dads illness due to ms, miscarriages, pretty much all the things thats happened in the past. I'm really hoping i can start feeling better soon, can't goon like this much longer.

Hi kaylasmum - I lost a long post this morning when MN disabled Threads I'm On and am trying to dredge my brain to rewrite it . It'll take ages so just want to say sorry the anxiety has triggered your depression but try to keep your sense of hope as you'll find recovery is very achievable , especially with all these posters who know pretty much how you're feeling.

hi cityhobgoblin,

Well i'm still feeling extremely anxious, especially as soon as i wake up, i tend to start relaxing more in the evening which is good. Still finding it hard to go out and about which is so unfair on the kids as they want me to take them to the park.

I feel like such a bad parent atm.

Hi kaylasmum, so sorry haven't posted in all this time but my PC crashed when Threads I'm On was taken down for maintenance and since then I've had trouble posting on your thread - but have been too cowardly to email MN tech about it Sorry to be such a lightweight . Other PC issues seem to have improved so I think it's OK now.

So sad to see you feeling like a bad parent . This is really close to my heart as I felt I had to change my plans to start a family because of a physical condition so I've had to really think about what "good" parenting means to me .

As far as I know ( ahem ) it's historically been the norm to bring up DC in extended family / tribe or other collective circumstances , and situations where a parent wouldn't be able do all the physical work / accompaniment of DC were anticipated and catered for . It's not your fault if you haven't got a state nursery / childminder / relative on hand to take your DC out - this is a health crisis where such help should be available . Nowadays we don't usually live close enough to friends who are at home in the day & can take the DC out for us , but it's a really artificial situation for one person to have all that pressure to be "able" all through their DCs' childhood . Surely most people have times of less ability , and some times where they can help others having a hard time ? < gets off v high horse >

Please don't put too much pressure on yourself to get better quickly ... talk with your therapist about the painful issues of what would happen with your DC if for some reason you couldn't do x / y / z thing with them any more , say ... your health anxiety may be caused v deep seated fears but you can try to face even real terror by trying to plan as best you can , and giving your DC your love to carry with them .

Sorry for being so annoying tonight and hope you've having good parts to your weekend . Is your new DGD getting on OK ?

Think it's a brilliant sign that you've repeatedly been able to relax a little in the evenings and hope that continues .