snowmash's cybergarden

[ThisIsANiceCage]

We filled up your thread, snowmash! So here's another one.

Neither weather nor circumstance seems to be cooperating at the moment, so I thought we could do with a virtual garden to sit out in.

shodatin has started work already:
"we don't lose anything to the frost here, and nobody thieves our daffs and precious bay trees. Most days will be sunny I think, but sometimes we have rain at night, particularly when we've done some planting..."

And I think it needs a summer house with a chiminea or the like to sit round after dark and toast our tootsies.

You have been incredibly brave to take those meds . Really staggered that you managed it .

Perhaps you can try - alongside many other anxiety management techniques you must already be using - asking for a couple of physical health signs to be checked afterthe next time you take them ? Will be hard to ask overstretched staff but they might be able to try in order to help you take them.

Can't believe all the Friendliness here ( sorry....) What a fabulous double coincidence. I agree with shodatin that you may find Meeting a further source of enjoyment & strength & lots of other life changing fabulousness .
(Yes, disability access is a massive issue for meeting houses . We have a ramp & a disabled toilet now , & each Meeting has a disability group to identify needs / enable participation )

Am not being of much comfort to you whilst you're dreading the possibility of being sectioned , but am around , catching up on my backlog of chores & trying to come up with something helpful.

Sounds rough.

I actually found the psych drugs incredibly helpful.

Before the drugs, I was thinking really hard to try to solve things, but it was like I was cut loose and just spinning in the wind. For me, the drugs were like putting my brain in gear. I was still working incredibly hard but suddenly the engine was engaged and the wheels in contact with the ground. Creeping rather than racing, mind you, and still at the bottom of the chasm. But I now had traction. Which meant a way forward, however slow.

I may just have been incredibly lucky. But the drugs saved my life.

Sorry to butt in so soon , but before you go to bed snowmash - FWIW my choice would be not to take psych drugs (having been in the position myself at one time of being threatened with a section for the suicidal depression I was begging for help with and yet refusing the drugs route , hence threat of section ) but am so sorry to say sadly I don't think you can find any way to persuade the staff to "let" you choose . I think the drugs might really help you at this time.

It sounds such mystical hogwash for me to say to you that "it will all work out " , but that's what I believe.

Amazing that medication can achieve that TIANC, and an equally impressive description.

Didn't mean to raise your hopes when talking about my experience just then snowmash as the difference is that I wasn't a vol patient , but someone who'd requested a MH assessment from the community team. So sorry if I made it worse .

(plus the crucial help for me was that DH was vehemently against my being sectioned & argued for me - but they debated whether to apply for him to be displaced as my nearest relative... )I do feel for you.

• but am very optimistic for your recovery

Hope I haven't made it worse for you snowmash...Will say goodnight to all .

A tiny suggestion might be to write down a couple of phrases you could say to the staff member each time they come to give you the medication , stating that you are unwilling , that this is a valid choice , but you will physically comply as far as your level of fear allows you.

You might may have few options over the next few days but as you progress you will have many options that are closed atm , as others here have said . Please don't despair x

snowmash I'm sorry you are feeling so sad, rough and upset.

My hope and prayer for you is that after a short while on anti-psychotics you will be able to see why you needed them and you will get so much better.

I hope you got any sleep at all.

By the way I have pastoral contacts in Oxford still so if you want a visit from someone I can easily sort it - most people I know are C of E priests but I can ring round for you.

No drugs today. Threat of section repeated.

:( :( :(

Thanks madmouse for the offer - I may take you up as although there is a chaplaincy team, we always seem to see the RC padre. Thinking about getting strength to ask old chaplain...hard one.

Morning snowmouse, so sorry you couldn't manage the drugs today - are you feeling worse than yesterday or is there some other reason? FWIW, I think it's a good idea to talk to clergy about this; they could well have experience of similar situations, and I can't see the situation improving for you at any time soon unless you can manage to take the meds.

Sorry there, have just invented a completely new person, who would no doubt be lots of fun, but I actually meant to type "snowmash". Need more [brew[

And it's definitely needed here, if not more meds...

Hope the helped , shodatin , & you feel better. "snowmouse" sounds lovely!

Sorry you're having such a hard time snowmash . It could be really helpful for you to meet with someone who "gets" you .
Maybe you have concerns about contacting your old chaplain due to the barriers of stress & embarrassment that may initially come up when faced with MH difficulties . I'm sure they would soon vanish & trust you have no worries about confidentialit, but it might be good to meet one of madmouse's contacts.

As well as your spiritual needs , would you want to ask for advice on the medication thing from someone you respect & who does understand / share your perspective on important things? Or is it more that you need to share the great fear you're feeling ? That would be the best help I could envisage for you , as you may not have an option with the medication & I'm worried you'll panic if the fear gets even harder to deal with , & do something that won't help you .

Out for afternoon - hope everyone has a really positive day

Hi pixie , sorry didn't see you - it really is an incredible breakthrough that you took them last night snowmash - do you feel they did any harm overnight ?

< creeping away as promised >

Hope there's some reasonable food available about now snowmash ( I know I do go on about it, but it's a necessary item and might as well be enjoyable when there's so little else available for pleasure.)

Also hope TIANC is having a better day today, with a visit from the Get-Up-And-Go Fairy.

Had a nurse put me on section earlier this morning.

Apparently I have to see a doctor later, but not sure what that will achieve as they can't keep me.

Sorry to hear about that snowmash; I remember you were worried that it might happen. I think the doctor will probably explain it to you, and I'd be very surprised if they can't keep you, but on other hand, it probably won't make much difference on a day-to-day basis and could even formalise your visits outside.

Have you thought any more about seeing one of the clergy, maybe the one you know already, as hob suggested earlier?

Please let me know if I can do anything for you.

Hi snowmash - Can I just very gently urge you to consider seriously the option of making contact with some kind of pastoral care - either via madmouse or someone you already know (or a voluntary service that we could maybe find for you).

It might just help to give you another perspective - and also help you just feel a bit more connected with the world.

And like the others say - just ask if theres anything we can help with x

They can only hold me til six hours after they placed the section.

Have read up to date now: my what a talented musical lot you are! Four sung services a week sounds really soothing, snowmash, no wonder you miss them.

Thank you so much for the cyber , too. I've actually been off the real stuff and feeling sorry for myself. But also feeling a wuss because I know things are so much tougher for you, yet you still post.

hob your singing birds in the cybergarden are marvellous!

Really struck by this, snowmash:

"Until i see the meds I know I must take them. Then I feel fear transcending the fear of MHA and sectioning so keep failing"

You've shown incredible courage in managing to take the drugs sometimes. It must be exhausting.

(((((hugs)))))

A completely sideways thought - please ignore if I'm talking rubbish.

But I'm wondering if you could use the nurses' sections to help you? Would it be possible to build them into your plan, so that you're still in overall control?

Some good days, then a bad day, is exactly what you were predicting above.

So on a good day, could you plan with the staff how they'll help you on bad days? And part of that plan could be, that you agree that on bad days staff can make brief nursing sections or restrain you, just to get you over that hump of taking the meds? It's not an easy ask. But it would put you a tiny bit back in the driving seat.

Today's a bad day. So maybe it's a bad time to suggest this. But I get how important it is to have some liberties, and I'm really afraid for you that they will take more away if you aren't taking the meds.

Because they really believe (from experience) that taking the meds will help you get better, so they're determined to do that.