Oh dear lord madmouse, 5 HOURS once they finally picked you up. So glad DS coped well. Awful timing indeed - good luck.
Hope emotion and exhustion don't take too much of a toll on you - please rest where you can.
snowash As my link is rubbish , you can find it on the MIND site , obviously - next to Home , click " How we can help you"
then click on Info and Advice- Advocacy is 3rd down .
Unfortunately, whilst you are understandably scared of the consequences of talking to anyone about your worries, you're going to get more unwell & scared, not better by using your own methods , if you can't discuss your concerns then accept treatment in hopes it will make you realise the good intent of staff. At the moment it sounds as if you believe your current thinking totally & are thus likely to lose the effects of your efforts so far in talking with staff & taking tablets. Everyone on this thread feels this.
(I wrote this stuff about advocacy but it's not that relevant compared to the other bitso please forgive me putting it in brackets for you if you want to come back to it snowmash. Apologies - it wouldn't cut and paste).
((( Some years ago I sought help from an advocacy group & felt betrayed by the advocate appearing to be very familiar and friendly with the local CMHT , rather than being impartial in helping me understand the options ( DH felt that too - I wasn't misjudging due to my then depression) If this is one of the concerns stopping you contacting local independent charities etc, I urge to try one and see if you get an independent minded worker who can help you get advice from say, a pharmacist (whoop de do) but at least a pharmacist not on your treatment team , and some advice on your fears for your safety. You absolutely can find someone who will listen
I realise you must be concerned s / he would be obliged to report any serious concerns back to your team, but generally an advocate would rather help you see the situation more clearly than only trudge off to your staff to say your depression is hampering insight at the moment , and your fears may be causing you to put yourself at risk :( . If that did happen you might then be "worse off " , seen as more unwell by your team if that happens,but only for a short time as the advice you get may help you accept treatment & your life on the ward will give staff a fuller picture anyway )))
Please give yourself a chance of thinking truly clearly by - continuing to be brave and sitting it out, as pixie & others say,
- listening to the advice of the staff on your current mental state - (we will listen to you if you really think they want to harm you, and help you to talk to an advocate )
- by getting further advice if you want it on your medication and on your feelings about the intent of the staff so you can continue treatment voluntarily .... but:
You don't have to research things and try to make yourself trust your treatment if you feel too grim - you can come back to that shortly- what you can't expect is to be in a fit state to do so if you're missing tablets and not telling the staff.They will assess your mental state as worse not better next week, surely, if they don't see improvement from the recent increase.. Won't that make your stay longer & increase side effects ?
Incredibly sorry for long post- I try to edit down but my physical health problem causes me big problems with articulacy.
Hope today we will all feel the rays in our garden of the gorgeous hot sun we have down south atm