snowmash's cybergarden

[ThisIsANiceCage]

We filled up your thread, snowmash! So here's another one.

Neither weather nor circumstance seems to be cooperating at the moment, so I thought we could do with a virtual garden to sit out in.

shodatin has started work already:
"we don't lose anything to the frost here, and nobody thieves our daffs and precious bay trees. Most days will be sunny I think, but sometimes we have rain at night, particularly when we've done some planting..."

And I think it needs a summer house with a chiminea or the like to sit round after dark and toast our tootsies.

Thats is SO true. Depression tells such huge big lies. And at the time they seem believable. But they really arent.

ok lovely ladies - ive got to go now.

wont be back online till late tomorrow.

snowmash - there are lots of us thinking of you and willing you on. We all want the best for you and for you to be well & happy. Just one foot in front of the other - that will do for now xx

OK. Lets suppose you're right and the doctors and nurses want you dead.

All they have to do is let you leave the hospital. Then you'll be free to kill yourself however you like. No effort or blame for them.

Now let's look a what they actually do. They sectioned you for weeks to prevent you leaving. They sectioned you again briefly the other night, to prevent you leaving. And I think they took some of your things away a few weeks ago to stop you killing yourself. And they try really hard to persuade you to stay in once you're voluntary.

So yes, you feel like they want you dead.

But is there a tiny rational bit, like Pixie says, that can cling onto the logical conclusion that they don't want you dead?

Pixie, I know they think I should be dead. Trouble is that it seems hard to leave after last try. If I tried now they'd cite common law/duty of care.

It's torture until I/they stop it

Some more lies the brain tells.

? LSD makes people believe they can fly, apparently
? alcohol makes people believe they're witty and attractive and sexy, and everyone is admiring them.
? cocaine makes them believe they're wonderful and in charge and can do no wrong
? ecstasy makes them feel everybody is sooo lovely

Insert chemical, wait for brain to fool itself.

Alternatively, remove chemical and wait for brain to fool itself.

There was a heart-wrenching thread the other day by an alcoholic. She was perfectly well aware that the craving for alcohol was driving her. But she kept coming up for justification for her behaviour, despite knowing that this is what she was doing.

It was sad to watch. But at least because she had insight, she had a chance of fighting back. Tho no guarantee of winning.

I do get that, in practical terms, your life is pretty uncomfortable right now.

If they're not poison, why do they make me feel ill? (possibly rhetorical). I would talk if ther was someone I could trust, but they're all the same team. :(

They're absolutely horrid, aren't they? My venlafaxine was even after years.

Can you look up the known side-effects of what you're on?

Tianc, I have insight as I know what they're doing.

Also, the first few weeks of some ADs can be dramatically horrid. Friend of mine (met at MIND) made her only ever suicide attempt just after they changed her drugs.

Things usually settle down after a couple of weeks, apparently, but it's a damn hard few weeks even when you know it's time-limited.

Sorry snowmash - internet froze for over an hour . The SSRIs & antipsychotics can have hateful side effects, but so have many commoon drugs for physical ailments- they do not have a purpose to poison you , not at all.

I understand why you don't feel you can trust staff but this hiding of your true dosage is not the way forward for you..you will need to talk to someone ( again, perhaps?) about the effects and side effects of these drugs. You deserve to be heard and, hopefully, reassured

Talk to who? Very limited in hospital as only really the Drs and nurses who want me dead

snowmash, when you say you know what they're doing, do you mean the drugs or the intent of the staff?

I don't have much respect for psychiatry as a science, & personally wouldn't want to take antipsychotics if I could manage without them , but this sense you have of them being poison seems more than that? sorry , probably sounds offensive but trying to understand more

sorry snowmash, I did see you say that about no one to talk to. I haven't been sure up to now if you had any sort of advocate- guess not? I would hope you could talk to someone not connected on the local mental health team, someone independent, about the safety issue & the drug effects and side effects

thanks TIANC

Thanks for the tea and advice. Wish I could go to the bathroom by myself and flush them, as I think staff would be angry if they found them.

Night all.

Would you like us to look up a few advocacy type websites / helpline nos on the net , snowmash? Easier than you running your phone battery down. Am about for a while.

So good to see you're going to enjoy your space more now the building bodge is fixed , TIANC. (sorry, getting words out of my brain is like...flails about for suitable metaphor )... Anyway, I bet you'll put the home office to good use.
Is it too late for a simnel slice? < passes round variants for all dietary requirements>

Night , pixie- well done- incredible marathon.

Hmm, any chance you could talk to the docs at the JR? It sounded like you've worked with some of them for a good long while.

Not their field of expertise, but I wonder if they could talk you through the tabs with the help of the BNF (is that what it's called, British National Formulary?).

Ooh, simnel slices. Haven't had those since the earth cooled.