snowmash's cybergarden

[ThisIsANiceCage]

We filled up your thread, snowmash! So here's another one.

Neither weather nor circumstance seems to be cooperating at the moment, so I thought we could do with a virtual garden to sit out in.

shodatin has started work already:
"we don't lose anything to the frost here, and nobody thieves our daffs and precious bay trees. Most days will be sunny I think, but sometimes we have rain at night, particularly when we've done some planting..."

And I think it needs a summer house with a chiminea or the like to sit round after dark and toast our tootsies.

It's one of the depression ones (well, antipsychotic but most people seem to be on them and the dr says I'm not psychotic). I can't not take the tricycic because it's liquid, unless I try tipping it down my sleeve.

The nurses want me to top myself, and think the dr feels the same. Poisoning me because I shouldn't be treated. Can't ask as they'd just deny it like other things :(

Snowmash - i totally understand that fear of what the tablets are doing to you but its REALLY REALLY important that the drs know what you are (or arent) taking.
I know its really difficult to rationalise it but they arent trying to poison you. They are just trying to find the quickest way to get you some relief.
Please talk to one of the nurses as soon as you can re. the tablets. they will be very very used to people not taking the doses they have been given - so they wont be shocked. Please tell them. xx

is there someone there now you can talk to.

I PROMISE you they dont want you to hurt yourself.

Do you know which tricyclic it is. Im no expert but i think its quite common for anti psychotics to be given with anti depressants (regardless of whether there is psychosis present.)

Don't be daft. If they wanted you out of the way, and didn't want to treat you, they wouldn't have treated you after that horrid attack. And they wouldn't be bothering to keep you in.

Only one person wants you to top yourself, and that's you.

And the more you refuse the drugs, the more likely you are to do it.

Try and think through it logically if you can.

Even if the drs and nurses were totally callous and just in it for the money - which im absolutely sure is not the case.
The very last thing they want is for you to hurt yourself. They'd be called to account/ would have to justify their actions. Its really not in their interests.

But I'm not refusing them...that would result in nastiness. Just not taking it asi know what they're up to.

Just so you know, we don't want you to kill yourself.

It's selfish of us, but there it is.

ThisIsANiceCage - if you are still there - Ive sent you a PM re. the flowers we were talking about earlier - reply if you get a sec x

Snowmash - i know its all really confusing at the moment. But try if you possibly can to just put a hold on all your questioning and put your care in the hands of the staff. At the moment things aren't going great - so just give them some time to prove you wrong.

I dunno, kizzie, you find a PM and the next thing you can't put it down.

Sorry, snowmash we do seem to discuss all sorts of stray business on you thread. We like your company, even when there's not much of you.

It's great to read when I get time. Glad the tablets are tiny.

I know TIANC - im obsessed with PM's now .

Send us a quick message snowmash to let us know if you are still logged on.

I watched 'Women in Love' on BBC 4 tonight ----toook me straight back to 6th form

what do you like reading snowmash.

Ive got an english degree and 'technically' love the classics. But have spent far too many of the last few years reading crap. Total waste of an education

They wouldn't because it would be error or accident

you're just trying to build up an argument for yourself now.

Its a totally shit argument snowmash. honestly.

(Im not a teacher by the way - Id be hopeless!!)

Let me tell you about parents evening this week.

DS1 - Lazy but utterly charming.
DS2 - lazy but very bright.

Read them both riot act.: DS1 - you wont get any GCSE's just by winking at the teachers

DS2 - you might be a child genius - but if you dont actually bother to write down what you know - you wont get any GCSE's either!!!!!

Ooh, bet they'll both go far, kizzie.

snowmash, remember before we said that depression lies to you?

This belief about poisoning is another lie.

It's actually a really common lie that depression tells people. It's a normal symptom, unfortunately.

They better had - Im expecting them both to keep me in a style I am totally unacustomed [sp!] to in the future