Lonely in the playground

[Lonelymum]

I am not depressed as such, just feeling sad and couldn't think where else to put this.

Well, this is not a new subject for Mumsnet I know, and I have taken part in quite a few other similar threads in the past, but here I am again, alone and friendless in the school playground and I really feel sad about it.

For anyone who doesn't know, I moved a few months ago from a great village where my children went to the only school in the village. Everyone went there and I knew loads of people. I never went to the school without speaking to half a dozen people twice a day. It was the highlight of my otherwise lonely existence. My worry then was how to go from talking to people in the playground to inviting them home for coffee - I never managed to!

Now though, we have moved to a small town. I like it here, but suddenly the people you meet in the school are not the same people you meet at cubs or ballet or in the shops. I have been here 6 months and have scarcely spoken to more than 6 people in that time.

I am so lacking in confidence and personal self-esteem that I tend to avoid eye contact with everyone so I suppose I come across as standoffish or self sufficient, but in fact I am yearning to make friends. Today and yesterday, I tried to talk to two people and both times received no encouragement at all so quickly stopped.

I just don't know what to do to make friends. I know all the usual ways that you might suggest eg going on the PTA, but that has never helped in the past. Dh and I in 11 years of marriage have never held a party of had anyone but family and old friends to dinner. I desperately want to change that.

previous school was small (25-30 kids per year) and I regularly had 8-10 [smug emoticon] more if the teachers were after something

incidentally i had this when i moved and forced myself along to m and tots. Worth it for a bit becasue i have made one 'proper' friewnd and quite a lot who i will stop and speak to in the street IYSWIM.

So, LM, we've batted away all your objections and you are left with the following options (and we shall all bully you unmercifully, you know that, so you'll have to pick some sooner or later ):

smile and make eye contact - no more looking at your shoes

spot any child with new shoes/clothes/fairy wings/lunch box and ask Mum where she bought them from

ask someone who is the PTA Chair/secretary and go and talk to them about helping

volunteer as a class rep. Failing that, at least find out who the class rep is for each class and make a point of introducing yourself

arrive early and stay late at pick up time. Yes, really.

volunteer to help with reading/cooking/library for your children's classes

There. And remember, Tigger may be annoying but there's a reason why people talk to him...

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how will LM cope, this will make a good soap opera!!!!

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LM - do you remember how to smile - maybe a little course in smiling techniques is your first step, i'll check on the net for you if you like and we can enroll together!!!!

OH I might as well give up now then.

The duh not hard comment was not addressed to jampots about joining the PTA but to Giraffeski at working out her identity.

Oh I can smile, it just tends to be more the curled lip of derision than the full smile of pleasure.

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Go on LM - you really have got nothing to lose, have you? Please report back and let us know. Plus, you never know, play your cards right and you might get a hug off cod.

LM - sorry to ask this but

do you like people generally?

are you "better" than some people hence you dont want to talk to them because they dont fit your criteria?

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Well yes I like a lot of people, but I think we are all looking for people on the same wavelength as ourselves. Aren't we?

Ooer what does that mean Cod?

Better than nothing fishy .

but how do you know if they're on the same wavelength if you dont talk to them.

Eg. I met happyhuggy last night and she previously thought that I was abrupt and a bit nasty I think (or something like that). Now she doesnt think Im soo bad

She can expand if you speak to her.

You cant judge a book by its cover!

someone mentioned coddy hugs... hence

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Well I think we all prejudge a little bit and we all have tales to tell of meeting someone and finding out they weren't what we thought they were like - good and bad.

I have been told many times in my life that I am hard to get to know but worth knowing once the barrier has been breached, so to speak. I think the trouble is that I am putting up an ever higher barrier.

LM the
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from cod are tail lashings I believe

So I have been slapped around the face by a wet fish have I? Lovely

LM, I'm off to get ready for the school run. Good luck with yours - don't want to see you back here until at least 4.00 .

Gosh this is getting so exciting:

Q - who will LM speak to today

Q - how many new friends will she get in the playground

Q - will she be a member of the PTA before the end of the day???

ooooo the saga continues, i can't wait to hear now!!!