Lonely in the playground

[Lonelymum]

I am not depressed as such, just feeling sad and couldn't think where else to put this.

Well, this is not a new subject for Mumsnet I know, and I have taken part in quite a few other similar threads in the past, but here I am again, alone and friendless in the school playground and I really feel sad about it.

For anyone who doesn't know, I moved a few months ago from a great village where my children went to the only school in the village. Everyone went there and I knew loads of people. I never went to the school without speaking to half a dozen people twice a day. It was the highlight of my otherwise lonely existence. My worry then was how to go from talking to people in the playground to inviting them home for coffee - I never managed to!

Now though, we have moved to a small town. I like it here, but suddenly the people you meet in the school are not the same people you meet at cubs or ballet or in the shops. I have been here 6 months and have scarcely spoken to more than 6 people in that time.

I am so lacking in confidence and personal self-esteem that I tend to avoid eye contact with everyone so I suppose I come across as standoffish or self sufficient, but in fact I am yearning to make friends. Today and yesterday, I tried to talk to two people and both times received no encouragement at all so quickly stopped.

I just don't know what to do to make friends. I know all the usual ways that you might suggest eg going on the PTA, but that has never helped in the past. Dh and I in 11 years of marriage have never held a party of had anyone but family and old friends to dinner. I desperately want to change that.

Yay! Well done you LM!
I have to say you come across as lovely on here and almost a bit feisty (you were v funny over the clique earlier in the thread!) bet you meet some lovely moms soon

I had email contact with my fried for about 2 mths before we met up...worth waiting so you know you'll have something in common in the flesh!

oooooeeerrrr homework from Magistrate Coddy. God I feel like I am up in court!! Is this because I was rude about your kitchen earlier? Right well better go and wake up ds3 then. I usually arrive just as the kids are coming out so I don't have to hang around.

Were any of my ideas do-able LM?

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Well I struck lucky: as I walked out the drive, I met a neighbour whose children also go to the school (or in one case, went) and who I have spoken to a bit before. So I chatted to her, and she introoduced me to someone who lives a few houses along whose son is in ds2's class and I chatted to her a bit. I then talked to the first woman for about half an hour - not bad eh? though the convo got very stilted at the end. Didn't manage a third person, although I did a lot more than just smile at the 2 I did meet. Then another neighbour - an elderly woman - came and knocked on the door and introduced herself - well sort of, she didn't actually say her name or ask me mine, but we chatted for about 5 minutes. Not bad eh?

Oh and flahingnose, ds2's friend had forgotten to ask his mum if he could play today so ds2 went and asked her and she said not today but she will talk to me tomorrow about another day. Will that do for now?

sorry for butting in but well done You'd be surprised how shy most people are. I'm the over friendly type myself

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I did ask both women what they did for a living and was rather flat footed when one said they sold insurance and the other...bum I've forgotten but it was something similar - financial anyway. What should I have said?

Mind you, they asked me what my dh did for a living (not me! - is it that obvious I am a boring SAHM?) and I had difficulty replying because it is not easy. I then wanted to ask them what their dh's did for a living but that sounds so snobbish doesn't it - as though you are sizing up their income. Mind you, that was clearly what they were doing with me as we happen to have just bought a rather enviable house (tho I say it myself!)

BTW thanks for the well done Ulysees.

you could've spiced it up and say you do phone sex Sorry, that's my awful mind

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Nah, just describes me. I wonder at people whose names are GorgeousBlonde or God'sGiftToMankind (I am making them up but you might be able to work out who I am talking about). To be so sure of oneself!

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Well, it was better than just smiling at them. Not sure it will go anywhere.

By the way, sorry if I was rude about your kitchen. I did find you a batty friend though didn't I?

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Well I think I know the first woman's name from when I first met her (you know how you think you know their name but don't dare use it in case you are wrong? - that is how much I think I know her name) but the second woma, no, I don't think anyone mentioned it. I know I should have asked. It is terrible not knowing names, but I could ask her it if we ever speak again.

I feel like they were trying to work me out. You see, they are "nice" people lviing in good houses and I have rather outdone them on the housing front and I felt they were both privately thinking "How could she afford that house?" I am not sure I come up to their standards IYKWIM.

Oh lonelymum, hope you don't mean me. Just chose mine cause I like growing them in my garden

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Don't worry about the name thing though. I went round calling my new next door neighbour Julia for about nine months before she told me she's actually called Gina!

No Passionflower, it wasn't you I had in mind when I mentioned names. Anyway, it wasn't meant as a put down, I just couldn't call myself something boastful - not me at all.