BubbaandBump, Smudgered is talking about people who have sexually abused her in the past.
Smudgered, I am no expert, but I know enough to know that people who sexually abuse vulnerable people do tell them that they contributed to it/invited it and that it is their fault. That is part of the evil 'grooming' process, which allows them to get away with what they do and allow them to continue getting away with it. You believed them, because if people tell you something often enough, no matter how wrong they are, we do come to believe them - particularly if you are a child at the time. That is why counselling/group support is an essential psrt of recovery, so that we can sort out our heads and sort out what is right and wrong, and go back in our minds and help the abused child to understand that she did nothing wrong, it was not her fault and although she was told that it was, that was part of the abuse.
If, heaven forbid, anyone tried to hurt your children and told them that it was their fault, you would not let them get away with it, would you? It's an evil lie. The adult/the one with the most power is always the one who must take responsibility for what happened. They started it. They could stop it, at any time.
When you have been told different things by different people, it's a good life rule to look at the life of the person who is telling you. Look at "their" lives, then look at your dh. Who has the best relationships with their own family/children? Who cares for other people? Who is the gentlest/happiest person - them or your dh?
You can learn not to hate yourself. You can learn that it was not your fault, with the help of others. There are people out there who have been through the same thing, and who understand how to help you. You can stop feeling like this and move on, so that you will be happy one day, and they won't steal your future from you, as they stole your childhood.
You can move on with your precious little ones, and be happy together.
Thinking of you.