Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will- Part II

[madmouse]

Help we left it too late the old thread is full!!! Hope we all find this one!!!

Madmouse so pleased you are making good progress still, continuing to climb up and up, and have had some good advice and help :)

Have a good day at work!

Hi all!

Glad to see your positive outlook becky - even if you had a disturbed night, it doesn't matter as long as you can function the next day.

madmouse you are doing so well. Feeling angry at your abuser is justified, and is definitely progress. Glad you had a good night and didn't end up in the spare room.

I had a good night too. But I know it was the mirtazapine. It just helps me sleep sooooo much! I had forgotten how much it helps until I started to come off it. So am taking the 15mg again I was asleep on the sofa in front of the TV by 10pm last night. That never normally happens.

I am so confused I don't know what to do. I feel like my body needs the mirtazapine to sleep now.

But if I can't get off it, how will I ever have another baby?

I don't know if I should start reducing again. But it took 4 months last time and I am really gutted at the thought of going through that again.

The other alternative is to get down to as low a dose as possible that still allows me to sleep, and then maybe try and get pregnant anyway? Please dont' think me irresponsibel... have done a lot of research about mirtazapine in pregnancy. Seems that there have been some studies on it. The women they studied were all on higher doses than me, took it throughout their pregnancy (inc first trimester). There was no increased risk of abnormalities, there was a slightly increased risk of miscarriage (but this could have been due to chance).

However, I got off olanzapine, and that took me about a year. My sleep kept going wrong whenever I came off olanzapine too, but I got there in the end... so maybe I should just persevere?

I don't know what to do

Getdown my suggestion to you is get down to a low dose again, stay on the low dose, and TTC and see what happens. That's what I'd do. You might then find you can get off completely once the bullet has hit the target as you're so tired with being pregnant. I really, really, really want you to have this next baby!!! What does your DH think? What is your gut feeling?

thanks so much becky - it's so helpful to hear that someone else thinks the same as me. Personally I think I would like to stay on the mirtazapine - as low a dose as possible to keep me sleeping.

I know there are risks, but there are risks with any pregnancy, and TBH the implications of me not sleeping are probably worse for a developing baby (mega stress, panic, crying etc)

I am waiting to get some information from the peri-natal specialist re. mirtazapine in pregnancy.

DH is very open to anything really. He is great as he's not pressurising me at all about this next baby. He said he would be totally happy if we didn't have another one (but I know he would dearly love another one, as he dotes on DD). I think he would agree that a low dose that keeps me sleeping would probably be better than a drug-free pregnancy that's full of insomnia and stress.

I don't know though. The guilt if anything was wrong with the baby would be unbearable (and I know things can go wrong even if you don't take any drugs, but I would always be wondering if it had been my fault).

Thanks for your support - as you say, early stages of pregnancy you are knackered so maybe I would sleep better anyway if I were pregnant?

Thing is, there are so many things that are risky. I was taking anti-biotics when I found out I was pregnant with DS3, I'd also had a dental X-ray! I went skiing (including some great black runs) when I was pregnant with DS1 (didn't realise I was pregnant but felt a bit odd and I was drinking free wine every night!!!). I used to worry that working with my laptop on my lap when I was pregnant with DS3 would harm the baby. So I think you should relax, go with your gut feeling and some research / evidence, and just be happy :)

I'm feeling a bit tired at the mo. and DS3 going through a really clingy grumpy phase it is wearing me down a bit. By 6pm most days I've had enough of being cried as soon as I put him down / try to do anything like make everyone their tea, etc, but hey ho these times don't last forever.

thanks becky I'm sure you're right. I just need to chill out more But how how how??!?!?!

Sorry to hear DS3 is a bit clingey and grumpy. Poor thing, it's so hard when they're like that. Hang in there, it will pass xx

GetDown if I knew the answer to that none of us on this thread would have met each other. I am rubbish at chilling out too!

I've just been dancing around the room with DS3 to Flourence and the Machine and it feels so good! I don't do much exercise but dancing is such an easy one to do. Although DS3 thinks I am just a little bit bonkers (as does DH who is working at home today and just walked past me dancing looking at me like I was really mad). He doesn't do strange mad things like that though.

Awww I love dancing round the room with DD, it's great fun! I always put on Pete Waterman's greatest hits

It's not bonkers honest!!

Tell your DH to lighten up

Now we're dancing to the Proclaimers! He he he DH hates the Proclaimers!!!

For what its worth - i think you're doing exactly the right thing. getting more advice from the peri natal specialist - and then hopefully they will agree that a low dose is the best way to go. Dont forget in all this that you have come off the other drug completely - so you are in a much better position that you were before in terms of TTC. Glad you had another good night x

thanks kzzie - you are a voice of sense and reason!

How are you doing today? xx

Getdown - I don't have a lot to add to the wisdom already written by others and most importantly by you!

I agree with the idea of staying on a low dose for now. I wonder if you have done so much weaning off (more than most people manage!!)that your body needs a plateau for a bit and you just need a little bit of help for now.

Trust yourself! (and don't google )

Terrible night's sleep :( I went out until 11.45pm (watching Big Brother final with friends at friend's house) and slept quickly-ish after around midnight but woke somewhere between 3-4am and have been wide awake since and really, really fed up. I need you guys to give me the 'it will be ok's etc. I'm babysitting tonight too so another late night :(

I was just wide awake with my head buzzing and buzzing with tunes from the TV, random thoughts, silly thoughts, etc and as it got to morning I got a little bit anxious, enough to stop me relaxing to grab an hour or so more sleep. Then DS3 woke up at 5am. Then just after that a load of people walked past our house on their way back from the nightclubs in town (5am!!!). Then DS1 woke up with a cough. So now I've given up and I feel sicky (perhaps from eating too many pringles last night).

Becky one bad night won't kill you - and tonight you may be baysitting but that's a very sedate business and you may even be able to snooze on their sofa or at least be all chilled when you get home and in your own bed. And because you've slept so little you will sleep doubly well xxx

Thanks Madmouse :) I know.

I had a cr*p night - kept dreaming and feeling I woke myself up screaming lying on my back. DH says he wasn't aware of me screaming but I made other noises so he kept shaking me awake.

In the end I moved to the spare room at 6 to give him some rest but I was too awake, then ds woke with huge coughing fits so I took him in with me. well at least dh got some mor sleep. He's been very sweet to me.

I don't like this being angry with my abuser stuff - I was feeling so much more peaceful because I wasn't thinking about it all the time anymore and now it's back. I want it to go away now...

oh becky

Come on, you can do this. Positive thinking today. DH is around today to help out isn't he?

You know I know how bad it can be on little sleep, but as madmouse says, it's only one night. Honestly, you can cope on one bad night.

I want to hear some PSTs from you young lady !

madmouse only just seen your post. Sorry you are having a tough time

You are making so much progress, you really are. The journey to healing is a rocky one with ups and downs. But the general trend is up.

Keep on, keeping on. xxx

Oh Madmouse it's true what GetDown says: the road to recovery is rocky and to get to the good place you need to feel the anger. I'm just an outside observer and am pretty ignorant about all this I confess so excuse me if I am talking rubbish, but it seems to me that you need to get through the anger, feel it, go through it, to come out the other side. If you resist it it'll always be there looming and waiting for you. That's just my impression for what it's worth.

GetDown you are so bossy!

PST: I will sleep well tonight because after being out babysitting tonight it will be so nice to crawl into my lovely bed and snuggle up and I am so tired I will sleep deeply and wake up tomorrow feeling really refreshed.

That's a bit long?

I'm painting DS3 at the moment (not literally, a painting). It is very relaxing.

Madmouse - sorry things so tough last few days. Ive got my fingers crossed that this is the last stage of your recovery - and very soon these feelings will go because you have faced them and worked through them.

Sorry you had a bad night Becky.

I went to see my friend yesterday. Lovely to see her and we had a lovely chat but still had this horrible sense of unease underneath everything. Anxiety v bad this morning. I got a call from work very early which woke me up. i am seeing the dr on Tuesday and we will talk about best next step.
Hope you all have a good weekend x

Feeling tired. Fed up of days (I know they are getting further and further between and that's a good thing) like today when I am sleep deprived, headache, nausea, and concentrating is impossible.

Having said that have had a nice afternoon in town with DS2.

Good news: baby sitting is off. So I can have spag bol with DH, an episode of Dawson's Creek, a glass of red wine, slope off to bed early for some much-needed zzzzs.

Hello. Thought I'd check in on this thread as I saw it and have been suffering dreadful insomnia recently. After a month of sleeping for about two hours a night, it had calmed down a bit but now has got worse again the past few nights. I haven't had a night without a few hours awake in the middle for so long now!

It's all down to stress and the dr has given me sleeping pills - the one beginning with z (sorry- bad memory) but I have avoided taking them. I have taken them twice - first night was a weekend and I slept through, felt a bit funny the following day but was fine. Next time I took it was a sunday night and spent whole following morning in a daze.

Anyways good luck to you all sleeping tonight.

hi there wineonafridaynight welcome

Sorry to hear you've been suffering with terrible insomnia - 2 hours a night is totally unbearable. I have been there - I am a wreck on that little sleep.

The drug you've been given is probably either zopiclone or zolpidem. They are supposedly less addictive than the benzos (diazepam, lorazepam, temazepam etc.) but beware because people do get hooked on them. Sounds like you have been very sensible, only taking them very sparingly - that is the way to go. When I am prescribed 14 tablets I try to make them last as long as I can - sometimes up to a year! And only have one as a special "treat" if I am really really desperate.

What is the source of your stress, is it your job? Do you need to slow down a bit? Advice is always to go to the root cause of the insomnia to beat it, rather than just treating the symptoms. You need to deal with the stress in your life to beat this insomnia for good.

Have you got Paul McKenna's book "I can make you sleep"? It is very good and contains a hypnosis CD too, which you can listen to as you go to bed. Doesn't help me every night (there are some nights where absolutely nothing helps) but it does help more often than not.

Please feel free to keep posting for advice / support.

becky how was your night? Glad to hear that the babysitting was off last night. Hope you managed to get an early night and it was peaceful.

I had a good night - for the first time in months I don't think I actually woke up at all in the night. And woke up just before 7am feeling wide awake and ready to get up! I've actually got up before DH AND DD today!

GetDown it was terrible :( I was awake until 3am. I woke DH at 2am and he cuddled me and we chatted and I took a parecetomol (sometimes helps) and we put the radio on very low on radio 4 to help get Lady Ga Ga singing Poker Face out of my head. The combination of all that worked. I feel like crap today. I can't do this. I don't know what to do. I don't want to take the z tablets either - I hate them. I feel deeply unhappy today. Going to in-laws for Sunday lunch too as DH's brother and his partner are visiting from Manchester.

Two nights of three hours each is the pits. And then I dropped my book in the bath, which really made me cry!

Glad you had agood night GetDown.