Insomnia friends - I will sleep well tonight because I have told my unconscious I will- Part II

[madmouse]

Help we left it too late the old thread is full!!! Hope we all find this one!!!

Kizzie Getdown has a friend with the initials IDH, profile pic close up of mummy and distracted little boy - is me :)

Ooh how exciting. At this rate I'll have doubled my number of friends in one afternoon

Hi Kizzie be friend with me too :) I am RC and friends with GetDown and Madmouse and my profile picture is a big green boot!

done - I'm hopeless at facebook so I now feel very popular

Not a green boot anymore - a Japanese MacDonalds! All is explained in my status update!

Hi Get down - how are you doing now? Ive sent you a FB message x

hi kizzie added you, but can't see a message

My lovely friend came over today to keep me company. Just as well, as I probably would have spent the whole afternoon crying otherwise.

She was so kind, but I still feel drained by all the chatting. I just want to curl up in a tiny ball and disappear.

sorry just seen it now. Thanks for your lovely message kizzie. Will reply properly in a bit

Glad your friend came over .

I'll have a check later on FB. Dont worry about replying if you are shattered though - the last thing you need is pressure to need to do something else x

Morning all

Getdown ????

Been think of you hun - remember to post even if you feel bad xxx

Becky, Arcadia, Orangeflutie how did you sleep?

I'm ok - broken night but a few long blocks of sleep so feel I had enough sleep.

Did a lot of thinking about things yesterday, about the journey I made over the past year and a half, about dh's depression finally being out in the open and how weird it is t oget support 10 years after he first got depressed. Someone prayed for me at music practice at church and I ended up very emotional on the way home in my friend's car and he and I reflected a bit moe - he's been very close all that time. So when I came into the house I was exhausted and tearful, but felt loved and cared for and fell asleep easily.

Hi All, sorry I haven't posted for a while particularly to you GetDown now I see you've been having a difficult time . I'm glad to see you've been getting support both on here and in RL though (although that CPN 'what will people think!' type comment seems a bit off! ).

I really think, no I know, that you will be OK GetDown and you have been in a bit of a panic spiral about sleep but these periods of panic cannot last long term, so it will ease and you will relax again. I think you have just put a lot of pressure on yourself in terms of TTC and therefore you are over anxious about the sleep, thinking it holds the key to your future happiness. I can completely understand why you are thinking that way but by thinking that so much is at stake you will surely make yourself more anxious.

I don't know what you really fear but I cannot see that you will ever return to how you were when you had to go into the unit. You will never again have to go through that experience that took you there (the traumatic birth and having your first child). Even if you have another one it will be different.

I'm not expressing this very well, I wish I could have a conversation with you!

On a more practical level though I hope you found the sominex some help. I have found them to be pretty good. They do not knock you out like sleeping pills but they do make you more dozy and so you may wake up still but it's easier to get back off and you just feel more relaxed. At the moment I'm alternating a week or so of nytol with sominex, hoping that they don't lose their effect!

I had a good night the night before last but a not so good one last night. Was awake with an ache in my hip at 2.45 and took me well over an hour to get back off to sleep but I did eventually. DP is noway near as sympathetic as your DH's, GetDown and Becky but he did give me a cuddle at 4am which helped me get back to sleep in the end!

DD starts settling into nursery next week and I have mixed feelings. I'm back to work in 7 weeks and I also have mixed feelings about that. I am quite concerned about my sleep in relation to work. It is really not the kind of job you can do if you're not on the ball. It's also the kind of job where you wake up in the night and think 'argh! did I file that petition/fax that document/ring that client' and the consequences are pretty serious if you mess something up. I used to be able to get back to sleep but now I'm not sure. However it's also a job where I get loads of adrenalin and I could probably get through a day with very little sleep so i'll just have to rely on that. I'm doing Mon, Wed and Fri so never have to do two days in a row and will be with DD more days than not!

Hope you're all doing well. You've come so far Madmouse, you've done really well. Becky you seem more settled at the moment which is great! .

Arcadia are you a legal eagle too?

Yes legal aid lawyer like you! Long hours, terrible pay, but very rewarding (sometimes!). Luckily our firm got their contract with the LSC renewed this year, lots in our city didn't, but that means there will be tonnes more work when I go back in October! You're at a law centre aren't you? What do you do, I do family.

Hello legal and sleepy friends!

I didn't sleep brilliantly last night, was nervous about DS1 and DS2 going back to school - just beceause I don't know why really. There were a lot of tears at the school this morning, none of them from my children though. Perhaps they couldn't wait to get away from life at home!!

DS3 is in bed and this is probably the first time I've been by myself in about six weeks or so, exxcept when DH took DS1 and 2 to see Toy Story 3 one Saturday afternoon. Besides that, this is the first time.

So, better do some work and have a cup of coffee. I think I will sleep well now hopefully with three trips to school and back to do each day. Knackered already!

Madmouse your posts make me feel very emotional. I've only known you a few months since I first came on these threads but it seems you've come so far. You are a star :)

GetDown I hope you are ok today - please let us know xxxxx

Hello all, I am not a legal friend - does that make me an illegal one??

thanks so much for your post arcadia you basically hit the nail on the head where you said sleep holds the key to my future happiness and it's putting too much pressure on. I think you are absolutely right. I need to just stop thinking about another baby right now, perhaps now is not the right time. I'm sure starting back to work will help you arcadia - having a routine where you have to get up and get on with your day will surely help you to sleep. And as you say, the adrenalin will carry you through on days where you'e perhaps not slept quite so well. It will be good for DD to have some nursery days too. My DD took a while to settle but she loves it now. Great that you will have a few weeks where you will have some days to yourself before you start back too.

becky hope your boys are ok today. How did you find the whole getting up and out of the hosue thing? It's not surprising you didn't have a brilliant night - but hopefully you've had enough to get by and tonight will be better.

madmouse that's brilliant you had enough sleep and even after an emotional evening, that's fantastic. You have indeed come on such a long journey. Well done on all you have achieved.

As for me? Well I got over 12 hours sleep last night But it's not all fantastic!

DH was picking up DD from nursery yesterday but when they hadn't got home by 6pm I was seriously panicking! I ended up taking a diazepam (2mg) to calm me down. It did work, I felt calmer in the evening. It also took away that nervous sicky feeling so I was able to have some dinner and actually enjoyed it!

Please don't judge me but I took a mirtazapine (15mg) I was just so desperate. And then I started thinking, what if it doesn't work? So I took 1 sominex too. By 8:30pm I was practically collapsing with exhaustion. Fell into bed and was def asleep by 9pm! Woke up briefly at 3am to have a wee but got back to sleep. Then woke up again at 9:30am! Felt I couldn't have slept even longer too! Even now I still feel all whoooozey.

Feel a bit gutted with myself for taking the mirtazapine. (AND the diazepam AND the sominex) However, so pleased I slept. I don't intend to go back on the mirtazapine every night. So I don't really know what I'm going to do tonight yet.

CPN coming at 11:30.

Hi getdown - just logging in to see how you are this morning. I sent you another facebook message but it was late last night. Hope you managed to get some rest.
x
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Im trying to keep going with everything. Unfortunately it looks like this particular AD isnt going to work for me this time . Ive stuck with the increase in dose (from virtually nothing - equivalent of about 2mg of prozac) in February/March until now but im not really moving forward.

I am back at work and mainly 'functioning' but still having significant anxiety/panic and depression symptoms. Its so frustrating after being so well in 2008/09 but I guess Ive just got to keep on keeping on.

Im trying to keep things on an even keel for the next 10 weeks when my attachment in this partic role at work finishes. I was desperate to do the attachment and its such a shame really that its been so difficult because of health issues but i know i just need to accept that and not stew on it.

Im taking 2 fish oils and a multi min/vit each day. Walking regularly. Doing breathing exercises and a form of Tai Chi at home - but unfortunately nothing is really touching it.

One of my concerns is that Ive been on Ad's for 11 years since PND because I havent ever managed to stay off. Most of that time - partic last five years I have been on very low doses - but Im worried that Ive maybe 'damaged' my brain in some way.

Anyway - sorry that is so long. And im sure im repeating myself over and over again. But just felt like i needed to get it out today x

GetDown! So good to hear from you. You slept soooo well and that's brilliant. I'm not judging you at all - you need to get yourself out of this panicky blip and back to where you were this time last week. As Arcadia said the huge, huge pressure you are under is huge (I've lost my ability to write good English!).

I think you were right to take the diazepam. I'm sure I told you about when I took one when DH and the DSs were out in town and I had a panic attack about not being able to have a nap? It does work wonders for panic.

I'm painting at the moment. Making the most of DS3 being asleep and the house being otherwise empty. I should be doing housework or something though.... The thing about being freelance is that there are days when you have no work to do and I feel so guilty for some reason about not doing work this morning.

Getdown glad you slept!! - You should know better than to think we would judge you

But don't put trust in tablets that you are more justified having in yourself - you know you would have slept anyway don't you? xx

Arcadia yes I work in a law centre and I practice immigration, although my current role is very low key, mostly letter writing, phoning clients, archiving, file maintenance. So even more badly paid but so much better for my health and we can afford it. Big change after years of supervising 6-8 lawyers....my new boss keeps worrying that I will get bored but for now this is what I need.

I've just finished my painting, in a real creative mood at the moment, might risk a painting of DS3 next. I've done ones of DS1 and DS2 when they were babies - DS3's turn now.

GetDown hope it went ok with your CPN. I truly, really think you are going to be ok.

Soon time to collect DS1 from school. DS2 came back at 12.30pm. Back to being tied to a routine. Three trips to school a day is hard work. Sigh. I feel like I'm tied to that place with an elastic band. I just get comfy at home and boing back again!

Hi everyone

I've read through your posts and am glad Getdown you're feeling a bit more positive. I'm sure seeing your CPN will have helped you a little. Madmouse it's lovely to feel loved and supported and I'm really pleased for you. I think having support around you definitely makes recovery easier. I constantly feel quite insecure because I don't have much of a support network in RL.

I'm feeling quite tired and emotional today.
I woke up at 5am this morning and went to the loo and then couldn't get back to sleep again. I had all these thoughts going round and round and just couldn't switch off. I felt quite anxious and had a bit of an anxious afternoon yesterday.

I think it's largely due to the trip down to Devon on Friday preying on my mind. I'm looking forward to staying in a caravan and seeing my inlaws but not visiting my parents on the Sunday who live in Exeter. This is due mainly to a big family row towards the end of last year which was the final straw after lots of bad things happening, and which sent me spiralling down into depression.

It was at the end of October last year that I started taking ADs. Anyway to try to cut a long story short, I'm taking the dds on Sunday to see my parents without DH who really doesn't want to come as he knows he will say things and everything will blow up again. I haven't seen mum and dad for nearly a year and am stressing about seeing them again. I don't really want to see them but will feel guilty if I don't take the dds down to see them:(

Sorry to go on a bit but am finding it difficult to relax at the moment. I've also got my period at the moment so that's not helping.

DH has kindly gone to collect my dds from school so I can try and chill out a bit but I seem to have run around in circles today and not achieved very much.

hi orangeflutie I totally understand re the family tensions thing. As you know I'm going to cornwall for the end of the month for a family "do" and not really looking forward to it (but keep telling myself I must stay positive).

No wonder it's playing on your mind. However, the good thing is that it is quite soon, so keep telling yourself it will also be over soon. Maybe you will surpirse yourself and it won't be as bad as you fear. Having the DDs with you will provide a distraction and something for your parents to focus on. I always find that DD disspiates the tension in my family, because everyone is focusing on her if that makes sense. It's great you get on well with your inlaws.

It went ok with my CPN this morning. She said she was glad I slept last night, as if I hadn't she was going to get the crisis team on to me! . I really hate the crisis team. So glad it didn't come to that. They visit everyday including weekends, and ask you loads of upsetting questions like "are you going to hurt yourself?" over and over. I know they are necessary when you are really ill, but personally I didn't like it at all.

becky will you post a photo of the pictures you've painted? I'd love to see them.

kizzie thinking of you today. Hope today is going ok for you.

I have always been a poor sleeper and was first prescribed Zopiclone 8 years ago. I used to just take a half tablet 2 or 3 times a week so I knew I would get some sleep.
The trouble is I now take half a tablet most nights and I think they have stopped working. I go to sleep fairly quickly but wake up in the middle of the night and usually can't get back to sleep. I average 3-4 hours a night I think.
I honestly can't remember the last time I slept all night and sometimes I am awake all night long. I have had a difficult few years with partner/DC trouble so have become continually anxious.
Anyone tried a different type of sleeping pill?

hi there tametiger welcome

Sorry to hear you are going through a tough time. When you say half a zopiclone, do you mean 3.75mg? I am sorry to say it but your body does get dependent on zopiclone. But the good news is that you take quite a low dose and it's definitely possible to get off them.

There have been other people on here who have shared their experience of getting off sleeping tablets. You can do it, but you have to really want to do it.

Have you ever been on an anti-depressant? You can get sedating ones such as mirtazapine or dosulepin which you could introduce as you gradually wean off the zopiclone. Also my CPN mentioned Sominex, and she says that more and more they are using sominex in hospitals for patients who can't sleep. It's only an over-the-counter thing, but I tried it last night and I had a really good night's sleep. The night before I only had 1 hour (between 6am and 7am).

Please feel free to keep talking to us on here. There are lots of lovely people with experience of insomnia and how they have beaten it / continue to keep fighting.

Most of us also have Paul McKenna's book "I can make you sleep" which is excellent and also comes with a CD.

Thanks GetDown. My tablets are 7.5mg. I think I am psychologically addicted to sleeping pills tbh as I can't imagine not using something to help me sleep.
I have been prescribed ADs in the past but couldn't cope with some of the side effects. I have tried all the usual over the counter stuff including valerian and anti-histamines but to no effect. I bought the McKenna book and some pillow speakers for my CD player but no luck there either.
Am off to see my GP now so will see what she can come up with.

Hi Tametiger I hope your GP can help you.
I have taken Zopiclone in the past, but only for a short time. It must be difficult once you become reliant on them.

I am currently reducing my AD and am now having quite restless sleep. Although mentally I feel better than I was, not getting so much sleep is starting to drag me down a bit so I really feel for you.

GetDown you're probably right about my dds helping with the stay at my parents. I have also spoken to them this afternoon and the dds and me are now staying with them overnight on Thursday and then leaving after lunch on Friday to go to Torquay. I'm a bit nervous about staying the night but it means the whole trip will be less rushed and hopefully less stressful.

I think I will take an assortment of tablets and lavender with me to try and stay calm and
it may not be too bad when I'm actually there. I think the buildup to going is probably worse.